Dating : Do you think the « 80/20 Rule » is real?
If you don’t know what this Rule is, it is the idea that the top 80% of women only really go after the top 20% of men. While the other 80% of men are left to compete over the bottom 20% of women.
This mostly comes from the uses of online sites as it pertains to dating and meeting people. Where as real world or in-person applications it’s strong but not nearly as online.
I legitimately want to know if any men/women think this is true or at least kinda true. Me, personally, I think it has validity.
I think it’s definitely a thing.
I always hear women talking about creeps, pervs, weirdos, etc. But I don’t think I’ve ever in my life heard a woman talk about a cool/good guy that approached her at the grocery store, mall, bar, club, etc.
Online dating is extremely similar. A woman can get 100+ messages and still somehow be single after 2 or 3 months because no guy is « good enough ».
Yet at the same time I’ve seen plenty of examples of couples where the guy seems totally average in every sense of the word (i.e. not rich, not in athletic shape, probably just wants to get drunk every weekend, etc.) And the woman is decently attractive and perfectly happy riding around with Joe Shmoe in his beat up 1987 Toyota Celica.
I think women do only go for the top 20-10% of men BUT I also think their definitions of a « top 20% male » vary more than what most people think.
You seem to be confused about the 80/20 rule. What it means is the following:
1) OkCupid surveyed it’s female users and those women rated only 20% of men on the dating app as « attractive »
2) women in the same survey rated 80% of men as « unattractive »
This study/survey was part of a data dump on OkCupid’s blog. It was released a couple of years ago but has since been deleted. You can Google and find various news articles and blogs discussing the data.
Dating apps, to put things lightly, are not effective most men. A writer at *Medium* did a test on Tinder using photos of an average looking man found that for every 115 swipes a man will get one match. Of those miniscule match results only a tiny fraction of them responded to messages and those women who did, few of them agreed to a date.
[Article on OkCupid data](https://www.yourtango.com/2016285828/women-find-80-percent-men-unattractive-says-crazy-study)
And..
Link to the [Medium Experiment](https://medium.com/@worstonlinedater/tinder-experiments-ii-guys-unless-you-are-really-hot-you-are-probably-better-off-not-wasting-your-2ddf370a6e9a)
lol it’s science not an opinion, yes its true
It’s kinda true, but in practice in works out a little different because women don’t actually get what they want as much as it would appear at first glance.
Online (and offline to some degree), every dude wants the hottest chick. Every chick wants the hottest dude.
Because of the way supply and demand is set up (guys want women more than women want men), there’s a lot more interest being shown towards women by men. This results in women having a wider choice of sexual partners ONLY; not relationship partners.
Because the competition is stiff for guys, guys are willing to « purchase » a cheaper woman (less attractive woman) for sex. However, because the cost of marriage/relationship is incredibly high, they’re unwilling to compromise on attractiveness to a large degree. This ends up forming the roadblock that women face: They struggle to find guys that will commit because they keep shopping for the most attractive guys they can find, and these more attractive guys are not willing to commit themselves to those particular women because they themselves believe that they can do better.. but these men are willing to sleep with them.
The roadblock for men is catching the woman’s attention in the first place. A lot of times the struggle is about shooting for too attractive of a woman which leads to constant rejection. Access to relationships is rarely an issue (it’s rare to hear a guy say « women only use me for sex! » Instead, it’s about catching their attention in the first place).
TL;DR: Guys drop their standards for one-night stands, women raise their standards for ONS but want a relationship with those men. Women drop their standards for relationships not out of choice, but because the market forces them to (hotter guys refuse to settle because investment is too high for the value return of the ONS woman). Guys that want sex OR a relationship also are forced to drop their standards. However, guys do not really have a choice of getting a hotter partner just for sex. Instead, it’s more often than not a package deal (for a man to get the vaj he has to be good enough for relationship in the first place).
This, of course, are gross generalities and I’m 100% sure there are exceptions.
[deleted]
No. It’s based off of a single unrepresentative sample from a dating website.
Most of the issues men have with dating stem from a combo of being left behind by social norms and economic realities that keep men and women living too far apart from each other.
A lot of educated men are in STEM. STEM jobs are dominated by men and are concentrated in tech hubs (dominated by men) or in rural areas and suburbs. Pretty much every other professional career, where women are more likely to end up, is located elsewhere.
So a lot of men, who are more likely to already be socially awkward if they are engineers, end up in areas with very few eligible women (they’re all in the city). Even schlubs that live in a major downtown can get hot professional women (see that Twitter meme about « Every women I know » being a Goddess vs « Her boyfriend » being a garbage rat). Guys who follow the basic « tips » who live somewhere like NYC can have a rotation of amazing women at their fingertips if they choose.
Their peers in San Jose or East Nowhere or Exurb 6 are stuck with a dating pool of people who couldn’t leave that place (single moms who hate drama and fake friends, obese cashiers with no ambition, etc.)
No way. Id say women get rejected just as much as men online, or at least I do.
But, it’s probably because I’m average at best.
I think it’s real to an extent, in that many men will swipe right to a majority of women in the hopes of increasing the number of matches they get, while women will on the whole be more selective with who they swipe right to, and save right swipes only for the men they actually find attractive and would be interested in meeting.
Although not general for every woman on dating apps, many women have an overflow of messages from men, and the vetting process to dwindle the options down to viable men is a tall task. I’m considerably attractive, and made the mistake of swiping right to men I found somewhat attractive to extremely attractive, and it’s somewhat overwhelming when I look through the messages on certain apps. I don’t like the apps for dating, but I couldn’t even imagine attempting to use them for that purpose at this point.
All of this is not to say all women are without challenges with these apps. There are many who face similar challenges as some men, in that there is a lack of motivation, enthusiasm, or commitment from their matches.
It’s easy to get frustrated with the whole ordeal, which is why I wouldn’t recommend that anyone rely solely on the apps, especially if it’s having a negative effect on their self-esteem.
With all of that said, whether it’s real or not is on the whole irrelevant, as even acknowledging it isn’t actually going to inspire anyone to change. Hell, I actually wish I were more particular.
it’s 100% true. everyone on reddit will disagree because they don’t want to admit to harsh truths
several studies prove it. r/blackpillscience
nope.
I have several gorgeous, successful female friends who’ve had really questionable boyfriends.
i think it applies more to men than women – that the top 80% of men go after the top 20% women. – would make the case re my friends make a lot more sense.
It’s definitely real, the question becomes, “So what?”. Who does this information really help? You think telling women and men, “Statistically speaking, you might as well lower your standards because there’s an unlikely chance you’ll going to match with someone you’re attracted to” is actually going to get anybody else o change their behavior. Just live your life.
Women go to dating apps for attention. Men go there to get laid. This is the 80/20 rule – 80% are there for this purpose. Of the 20% that are there for relationships, half are people you don’t want. The rest you might not be attracted to, and you’ll be competing with everyone else whether they seek a relationship or not.
It only applies in Tinder, Ok Cupid, other dating site/app and whatnot