Dating : Does a great personality outweigh physical attractiveness in the long term?
I am writing this as a fairly attractive looking male (19M) who holds in high regard the similar appearance theory. If you were to choose between two great women, where one was slightly more physically attractive and the other could click with you slightly better as a person, who would you choose?
Pls upvote so more people can contribute answers
The one I click with is more attractive to me than the one who looks more attractive.
You need to have some sort of attraction to the person in my experience. I tend to not find them amazingly attractive but as it goes on the part I might’ve not found attractive become cute and more them and then I start to find them more attractive overall.
I’m a woman so this might be different but I see people different when they’re a good person. If they have a good personality, I’m attracted to them. And I don’t mean that in like « aw they’re nice », but like I can attribute a good personality to feeling very strongly sexually attracted to the person I would otherwise consider « normal looking » or just another guy.
I’m 37 and used to be shallow about this sort of thing, but as I’ve gotten older and had numerous relationships (married 8 years at one point) I’ve realized to always choose the person I click with the most over physical attractiveness. Now don’t get me wrong, I still need to be attracted to the person. It’s just if you give me the choice between an extremely attractive woman that I just don’t feel that click with and a more ordinary woman that I still feel attracted to, but we click so well I’m going to choose the one I click with every time. I know that in the long run just because someone is exceptionally good looking it doesn’t mean it’s going to be a good relationship. And as far as sex goes I’ve been with really attractive women and after 5 or 6 months of sleeping with them multiple times a day that hotness thing dissipates anyway.
Also, people’s appearance can change over time too if you really like their personality. I once dated a very average looking woman that was just the kindest soul, so smart, and just all around an amazing person. After dating her for a couple months every time I looked at her she seemed like the most beautiful woman in the world to me. I’ve had it go the other way too, where a woman I once found really attractive had such a bad personality that now whenever I look at her she seems repulsive to me.
If you’re legit looking long term, go with the one you click with.
Probably in the *reaaaally* long run, but that kind of compatibility I don’t think you can know whether you have with anyone at the start. People who you think youve picked for their winning personality can just as easily turn out to be impossible to cohabitate with three years down the road.
I think it’s best to go for people you at least know you find or could find a *little* attractive. If you have to force it, don’t. It’s not fair on the other person either; no one wants to be with someone who doesn’t fancy them lookswise at all and its pretty terrible to be deceptive about it.
Of course, once someone is somewhat attractive enough for you, then choose based on chemistry, I’d say. And at the end of the day, a perceived great personality is so often affected by what someone looks like that you, especially at age 19, can’t even *really* know whether the attraction is mostly based off their looks or personality.
Depends on what you’re looking for. Emotional attraction and physical attraction are pretty on par for me so if one of them isn’t clicking it’s a no go.
I’ve met really gorgeous women that have shitty personalities and that in turn has made them incredibly unattractive. Vice versa, I’ve met people not as physically attractive but personality they’re absolutely beautiful human beings. It honestly depends on what you’re good with!
The one with the nicer ass.
I’ll be really frank on this one, both of them matter but personality matters long term ,no beating that.
I’ve dated people whom I didn’t find physically attractive initially. I went into a relationship hoping that I’d be physically attracted to them but nope it never happen. Ofcourse I was greatly attached to their personality. They had wonderful personalities but when it came to certain other aspects of the relationship like sexual things, I felt empty and something was not right.
One bodybuilder was asked if he prefers beauty girls or inteligent girls. His reply was: « Beauty girls. I’ll find out if she is inteligent later. ». This pretty much sums it – person has to be attractive to get a chance, and must have great personality to stay in longer relationship.
I’m female but, for me, personality outweighs attractiveness. Being attractive is great and all but who you are as a person is much more important.
I don’t have any interest in women, but it (should) go without saying that there’s no way in hell I’d ever be in a relationship with a drop dead hot asshole. Women who do get into such abusive relationships generally have a pattern of abusive relationship history and self-esteem and self-worth issues which make it hard for them to leave. It always struck me as silly how many people prioritize physical appearance so much. But I’ve always looked forward to and romanticized the idea of growing old with my partner. So of course in the long term, great personality always outweighs physical attractiveness. But for me, great personality is actually *why* I find myself being personally attracted to someone on a physical level. I don’t feel attracted to strangers, although I’m fully capable of saying yeah, they’re conventionally attractive I guess, on an objective level.
its a thing of balance. i cant live with a complete airhead, but the spark doesnt just appear out of nowhere. when all is said and done, looks have often faded but the other side of the coin carries me through.
lots of variables. its all about the balance.
I have dated girls who are only so-so on the attractive scale. But they were great people so i liked em. You can take 2 « 10’s » and put them side by side and one of them will become a « 9. » Personality for the win.
you need both.
it’s like diet and exercise. can’t rely on strictly one….
Looks are important for sexual attraction and arousal. A great personality is ok if neither partner is bothered about sex.
Better looking people are also rated to have better personalities. This is called the halo effect.
If you don’t think she’s « the pretty one », you should walk away. Because that kind of stuff is something that you cannot hide and no one wants to feel settled for. The men I’ve dated where it went well never made me question whether « I’m the pretty one », even when I know other girls are objectively more attractive. When it’s someone you really click with (hot or not), you won’t be asking questions like this because they simply won’t matter.
It’s always personality for me. I would love to have a cute guy to look at, but if he have no substance, in the long term, it won’t work out. Their physical attraction can always grow on me but their personality not so much.
She doesn’t have to be a 9 or a 10 but she should be attractive in my eyes. Attractive versus super attractive isn’t a huge difference for me.
On the other hand, I could always have a partner whose personality is closer to what I prefer.
Looks are great, but at the end of the day I think it takes compatibility and personality to go the distance. We all get old and wrinkly. Not saying you should date people who you don’t find attractive. But it’s something to consider in that gray area.
No.
If by long run, you mean when you are 50. When everyone else’s looks have mostly deteriorated.
Otherwise no.
Whoever gives better sucky sucky wins