Dating : Does it get better?
My (30f) ex boyfriend (32m) and I had a custom engagement ring made, were looking at houses together, etc. We had conflicts but I always assumed we could work through them together. He ghosted me last Wednesday, the third time he’s done this (once was on the last deployment for 2 weeks…) I couldn’t handle the silent treatment again, it felt emotionally abusive. He would just drop off the face of the earth and not answer any of my messages for days. I had to send him a text to end it and provide myself some closure. 2 days later he sent me a very hateful email calling me spoiled, selfish etc. I never responded because I wasn’t sure what to say to such a hurtful email. I deactivated my Facebook/insta to help myself heal, and in the email he accused me of blocking him and said he would never be friends with me again because of that. He went from saying I love you, to practically hating me and not giving 2 fucks overnight. He’s already talking to someone else. The same girl we argued about. The same girl that knew we were set to move in and be engaged this summer. And I’m devastated. I feel like had I been less emotionally needy on deployment he would still love me.
As unhealthy as all this sounds…Guys, I thought he was the one. We were going to get married and start a life together. Please tell me it gets better, please send me positive stories of you finding something better after something you thought was forever. I feel so old to be back in the dating game, and the thought of being with anyone else makes me sick. He was so wreckless, and told many lies about his past
Relationships but I prayed a lot and decided to maintain faith in the relationship. Why does getting burned by a liar and terrible person STILL hurt? And why can’t I convince my heart that he’s terrible? As long as I feel hope, I’m not crying. The second I think of him being gone for good (which he is), I feel like a total wreck.
TLDR: My (30f) ex boyfriend (32m) ghosted me (for the 3rd time in 1.5 years), I texted him to get closure, 2 days later he sent me a nasty hateful email calling me names. I feel like had just shut my mouth he would have stuck around. Have you ever had what you thought was forever end? Are there “masculine” men out there that put up with emotions, and actually work on their relationship without quitting? I’m scared to communicate my feelings, or have too many feelings with a man because I’m scared of how they’ll react.
My ex fiancé ended our engagement 7 times by ghosting or some stupid excuse. Now I have a boyfriend that is better, however, I’ll likely still choose to ultimately be alone, because relationships are never certain and people frustrate me.
Be patient! When red flags pop up don’t accept them as a fixable thing. I just divorced not too long ago and learned a lot. The most important thing to me is communication! Right now and into the future, I’ve learned that if communication isn’t there it will not be anything serious. Just sit down with yourself, be honest and clear about what you want in your relationship. If someone doesn’t fit into that, keep on moving! Things will workout as they should, until then, enjoy living the gud life!!
you’re hurting right now but, yes, of course there are « masculine » (?) men out there that « put up with emotions, and actually work on their relationship without quitting ». Just like there are women out there that aren’t « sluts and actually faithful to their relationship » or whatever stereotype. Move on/meet new people and give other guys a shot. I know it’s easier said than done but from what you described this dude treated you pretty shittily and there are a lot of guys out there that won’t act like that. Doesn’t seem like a big loss and you’re better off without someone negative like that bringing you down.
That guy was an emotional infant and a poor communicator.
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Always communicate your feelings. If you don’t feel like you can do that with a partner, they are not a suitable partner.
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Get out there and go on lots of dates. Be picky. Most guys are clueless so don’t expect to go on dates with a few men and find a great partner. It will take TIME.
It just takes time to heal. I’m glad you saw the warning signs and decided to call it off before getting married. You still have a lot of life before you it’ll get better. It’s hard with people you love them as a complete but there’s parts of them that are good and parts that are awful. It’s hard to move past but you have to think of them as a whole and as a whole they weren’t right. You’ll be okay.
It’s done. He moved on to that other girl long ago. He’s not coming back. And if he does « come back » because things didn’t work out with that other girl, don’t accept him, because he’ll pull this same shit again at the next opportunity.
It’s over. Time to move on.
If you’re hot you have options.
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I would move on asap. The more you let someone abuse you, the lower self esteem and self respect you have, and the more the person will do it. So you need to move on and never mention this to anyone or they’ll assume you have low self esteem.
Never feel bad about expressing your needs. Yeah, maybe you were “emotionally needy” as you call it when he left, but part of being a partner is to help the other person’s anxiety and fears be alleviated. Yes, we are responsible for how we feel, but in a relationship so much of what we feel is based on the actions of the other person. If he’s going to make you feel insecure now, it doesn’t get better after marriage.
Respect yourself and know that you deserve someone willing to meet you half way. He showed you who he was with that email. Believe him.
It does not get better. You might get lucky and find a better person, but generally « it » does not get better for everyone.
No one is perfect and people who make snap judgements like these are the real people who need to look inside and improve. Its okay to be needy sometimes, its okay to react badly when you feel people pull away. If someone really cares about you, they will talk about it with you and try to move forward.
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