Dating : Entering a relationship knowing it won’t last
Have you ever entered a relationship knowing it won’t last? I’ve met someone I really like at work, I’ve showed a bit of interest and compliment her a lot but haven’t really told her how I feel. I just moved to Hong Kong 2 years ago to work and will pretty much go back to my hometown abroad when I’ve earned enough money. That’ll probably be 5 years from now. The reason I haven’t told her my intentions is because deep inside I feel like we won’t last.
We also have a 10-year age gap.
Tell me your story.
Oh wow, your story is kind of similar to mine. I dated a guy two years ago who was planning on moving to HK….and he did a few months ago. It’s hard, you know? Even if you know it won’t last, you want to see it through so you can squash any “what if’s”. But then again you’re never really fully present because you’re trying to maintain some distance and trying to prepare for the last time
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I tried this recently kind of, but couldn’t go on with it. I just want to get married, and to be happy. So I’ll just wait to see if my person is out there. Also how young is she? If she’s like early 20’s don’t wasted her time. Perhaps she has ambitions and goals of find true love, and you’ll be holding her back.
Yes, we knew our relationship would end after 6 months (I was moving away) yet it was the best relationship we had both ever had. I have no regrets and as sad as it was to leave her, I had never felt as loved as I did in that relationship with any prior girlfriend.
I do this a lot, because you never really know how it will turn out. Your goals might change, maybe theirs will. A lot can happen in 5 years, you can tell her your goals and let her decide whether SHE thinks it’s worth seeing what happens.
But as painful as I know it will inevitably be, it’s worth it to get to know them and have them as part of my history. Love is a good thing even if it doesn’t last, and it’s always amazing to make that kind of connection with someone and see what happens.
Just be aware you’ll still go through the motions at the end. Just because you go in knowing it probably won’t last doesnt eliminate the emotional consequences.
5 years? don’t not go on dates with local people just because something 5 years later may affect it.
i thought you may be saying 3 months or even 6 months..but 5 years?? that’s a life time as far as dating goes, where you may be lucky if something lasts 1 year or more.
on the other hand, if you stay single without any attachments, you can also meet up with any number of people that you want to, for those 5 years.
Every relationship I’ve ever been in.
She’s in her late 30s. I think she’s a long term kind of person, not only because of her age but her last relationship lasted 10+ years.
I have done this, but we had a mutual agreement that it wouldn’t last. It was what we both wanted. He was in the army and I was wanting to move to a different province, so we discussed that the relationship would end when one of us moved. I would feel very uncomfortable starting a relationship without making my plans clear to the other person. I am only looking for short term relationships at this stage of my life and I would not want to start something with anyone much older than me who I knew had real hopes of their next relationship being someone they settled down with. It’s unfair to them.
Yes, lasted 5 years before she ghosted. Had a feeling she was going to be a huge disappointment in my life when we started dating then after all that time the feeling went away and was replaced with love and acceptance then she disappeared. Go figure.
I’m in this situation right now. I’m dating a lovely Englishman who is only staying in the Detroit area where I live until November for work. I don’t think either of us expected to have any type of feelings for each other but it just sort of happened fairly quickly. I can tell he’s trying to play it cool after he opened up about his mother’s recent passing and the abusive ex girlfriend he had, to the point last week I helped him find a therapist. He finds it easy to talk to me, he finds me non-judgmental, just someone who is easy to be with. I already know I’m going to feel hurt but I could never ask him to give up his family or his country or vice versa. He had to go back for a few weeks already and we communicated every day. I wish things were different, but I’m trying to enjoy myself and live in the moment.
Be open about your plans and give it a shot if you think it can work for you.
I had a nice thing earlier this year but she was just out of a divorce (actually finalized after we’d already been on a few dates) and I didn’t expect it to last. Still glad to have enjoyed it while it lasted though.
Yep.
Pros: It was casual and fun, the sex was good, he was handsome.
Cons: Caught the fucking feels, man. Tore my heart out when it was time to say goodbye. It’s easy to say you’ll stay friends at the start but I think that seldom ever happens, esp with someone that was only ever really just a fuck « buddy ».
Analysis based on the pros and cons… It was an experience and a part of my life I enjoyed and don’t regret. Would I do it again? Maybe, though not likely. It was nice to just cut loose and have fun with someone, it made it easier to do those things. But during that time, it was impossible not to get attached and develop feelings. As a woman (fucking hormones) and the one being left behind, it was a lot more of a blow to me when it ended. Now, because she’s older, she may be a bit more stable and understanding. But, for the love of god, tell her ASAP. That’s not fair to her if you’re just going to pull up the rug in the future. Be upfront about what’s going to happen and what your intentions are.
I feel like most relationships start that way tbh.
As soon as my landwhale of an abusive ex asked for a promise ring after the 5th date I knew it was over. It took me 9 months to break it off because I was a pussy, but damn did it feel good.