Dating : Fantasize about sex and intimacy but don’t enjoy it

Dating : Fantasize about sex and intimacy but don’t enjoy it

[21 F] So basically, I met this guy and there is so much chemistry! I was fantasising about sex with him and couldn’t get him off my mind, constantly wet around him and turned on by his flirty touch. I couldn’t stop flirting and dirty texting. But then at the end of my period, we kissed for the first time and it was just an anti climax. The longer we kissed the more bored I got, just didn’t feel like anything and I was dry as a bone. I wanted it to feel like fireworks and I didn’t really feel anything. I’m soooo worried about it cause I really want to have sex but the desire went away when we got it on. Is this usual, I mean I haven’t felt horny for a few days and he kissed me when I was on my period ??

*TLDR want to have sex with him but get turned off*

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  1. Your menstrual cycle affects your hormones, your hormones affects your sex drive. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being easily turned on at some points of your cycle and dry as a desert at other points. If your sex drive is heavily affected by your cycle, even the best partner may have to work really hard to get you going.

    Start tracking your period and all that comes with it to get a feeling for what will happen to you at certain points. If you get a boyfriend/long term partner it is a good idea to include them in your findings.

    That said it if you weren’t feeling anything at all from getting to kiss him for the first time, he’s probably not it for you. I’ve tried the same, sometimes there’s just something off. The idea can seem appealing, but the reality may be disappointing.

  2. You might have built it up so much in your head that you were bound to be disappointed!

    I’ve done this with a few really special ones, where I got so ahead of myself that when the « moment » came up it was always lackluster compared to how I imagined it. I don’t really have any advice for it, because it’s a bad habit I have myself

  3. I have had a vaguely similar experience to you OP. I have never experienced butterflies or a rush of emotion when kissing anyone. I have a distinct memory of being in bed with a girl and making out, she was resting on me in such a way as I could feel her heartbeat which was crazy fast. I remember thinking mine was only slightly faster than usual probably by virtue of going up the stairs and getting into bed with her.

    I have overanalysed this pattern for years. Even questioned if I should be with some (then) girlfriends because I wasn’t having these thrilling rushes. I just concluded I’m happy and enjoy the moment and intimacy, but don’t experience Disney-levels of romantic emotions.

  4. maybe something about the way he kisses is turning you off? he might be sub-communicating some sort of sexual insecurity and unsureness with the way he kisses you

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