Dating : Feel like I won’t ever find someone. I don’t know what to do anymore.
I don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve been single my entire life and at 25 years old I am starting to become afraid, afraid at the very possibility that I’ll be alone forever and never find anyone. Everyone always says to be positive, focus on yourself, it’ll happen when it happens, but I’m starting to believe thats just something people say to make you feel better so you don’t lose hope.
I remember seeing a therapist when I was 20 and about to enter my junior year of college and we talked a lot about this. He told me « It’ll happen when its meant to happen. » 5 years later and it still hasn’t happened. Not for lack of trying either, I hang out with friends, go out whenever I’m invited somewhere, been on every dating site/app for the past 5 years, joined sports clubs to meet new people, and it still hasn’t gotten me anywhere. Now I’m just at a loss on what to do and I’m staring to worry, like really worry.
I’ve gotten some dates the past two years from online dating, but almost all of them ended after the first date and It takes months of swiping, liking, and messaging girls to even get the slightest prospect of a date. The most recent girl I went out with that I met online, we dated for a month and I thought I was finally gonna get laid, I was almost positive I would. But she had just gotten out of a relationship and wasn’t ready to have sex yet, and I respected that so we held off. A few weeks later she ended things. That was almost 2 months ago and I haven’t had any prospects since.
Every person I know who has or had a girlfriend (Which at my age, is pretty much everybody) has met their girl at school, work, or through friends. None of these have worked for me. I’m no longer in school, I don’t work with any girls at my job, and my friends don’t introduce me to any girls. After college I joined a bunch of coed sports leagues hoping to meet some people, maybe a girl, but nothing has really happened with that. I’m starting to look at other options like volunteering or joining a class, but I feel the odds of actually meeting a girl there who is single, my age, and we’re both attracted to each other is incredibly slim. I also don’t want to join something for the wrong reasons.
I try to look at the bright side of it all everyday, but it is just so hard sometimes. I know I have to do something different, but I don’t want to cold approach strangers or join a group I have no interest in. Like, just last night I wanted to go out in the city with my friends and maybe talk to some girls, but none of them wanted to do anything but sit inside, play video games, drink and smoke weed, so I had to just stay in with them. So that is just another lost opportunity lost. Pretty soon the work week will start again and unless I want to bother people at the grocery store or gym I won’t be meeting any girls.
Sorry for the long post, I’ve had a lot on my mind and just needed to get it out. If anyone has had a similar problem and got out of it I would love to hear how you did it. And I’m still currently seeing a therapist (A different one), as well as meditating and trying to be mindful of my thoughts whenever I start to think negative. Thanks.
People usually say that it’ll happen in it’s time but I also believe that is bs. I’m 25 too and I never met the one either. I started panicking too. But now I’m over it. If you want someone, take the lead or it’ll never happen. I’ve tried online dating too but nothing comes out of it. People don’t seem to take it serious. Once they meet one person it becomes easier for them to meet other people. I would suggest maybe a bar? Or those dancing places. I hear people meet others there. I’ve never tried it. But who knows. Good luck!
It’s probably best to just carry on what you’re doing. You mentioned volunteering – this is something I’ve been doing for a few years now. When I started doing this I did think « perhaps I’ll finally meet someone », but 3 years later…nope! I can relate to most of the things you say, especially this part: « I feel the odds of actually meeting a girl there who is single, my age, and we’re both attracted to each other is incredibly slim ». I’m 27 (straight female) and for me it’s always been a case of liking someone who doesn’t like me back, or someone liking me who I don’t like back.
It seems miraculous to me that anyone (let alone the majority of people our age) actually manages to find someone who is not only single but returns their feelings! The last time I had strong feelings for anyone was when I was a teenager and I’d love to know what it’s like to have those feelings reciprocated.
Last week I went speed-dating for the first time and I didn’t like anyone! I was disappointed as I was hoping for even just one person to catch my eye. I’ve set up a couple of online dating profiles but the whole thing seems really shallow and I’ve never come across anyone who actually makes me think « oh, they seem great! ». There are probably hundreds of people on there who would actually be perfect for me but aren’t grabbing my attention.
I’m in my mid 40s and it still hasn’t happened for me yet either. I’ve been doing online dating for 10 years, and I haven’t gotten even one date yet. Just keep trucking. I don’t think I’m ever going to find somebody to even date, let alone live with forever. But if you want to be with someone, you’ll need to invest in the time.
I would definitely suggest you add a new set of friends. It always helps to broaden your circle/interests (be it for dating or for just your mental health). I have one circle of friends who are typical nerdy types (games/anime/etc), but I also do Meetups to do something else (hiking/outdoor activities/city events). That also will give you new interests and let you stretch your other muscles (social/physical). You can get the best of both worlds; you get to hang out with your current buds while you open other avenues.
>I thought I was finally gonna get laid, I was almost positive I would.
Oh, man. Looking to « get laid » is very much antithetical, in my experience, to being able to make an authentic connection with another person. One that leads to joyful, curious, FUN sex.
What can you do to nurture a life that is already complete, overflowing with life, that someone else would be excited to be a part of?
I think you are putting to much pressure on yourself man. You are way to young to worry about not finding anyone. I didn’t find my wife until 28.
Travel. Do things you wouldn’t normally do. Go places you wouldn’t normally go.
You missed an opportunity the other night because your friends didn’t want to go out, you can’t let that stop you.
Go out alone, bars, the movies, concerts.
I know you’ve heard it a million times, but it will happen. You’re young, it will happen. Make sure that you’re ready to receive what you long for, but it will happen.
It’s taking a little longer than you’d like but it will happen. Don’t stop trying.
All the best!
You aren’t in your 30s yet. Or your 40s. I have seen people waste time putting themself out there and get nothing. And I have seen people develop who they are and as soon as they make themselves available they have their pick. If you want to be in a relationship so bad then settle. Or you can develop yourself so you are the person that other person will want to be with when the time comes.
If I were you, I’d be going out to bars or similar places every weekend! Is there any area in your city that’s known for a lot of people your age going there? Become a regular there. Try out different chill spots with friends, but I personally believe in the power of “social lubrication” when it comes to meeting new people (socially anxious person here) so bars are great for me.
I can’t be sure because I don’t know you, but a lot of guys I know who desperately want a girlfriend come off as just that, desperate. If you’re asking for a date too quickly or seeming clingy, it’ll be off putting. Make sure you come across as just friendly, and wanting to make friends with both guys and girls. My best relationships have started as friendships!
I help a lot of people in this exact area. Please tell me a little more about your situation. What is your dream in this area? Why is it important to you?
My best advice is that sometimes it just sucks. Those times help you empathize with and help others when they have difficulties of a similar nature. I’ve found those opportunities to vindicate the difficult times pretty well.
Hey man, relatable, I also was single for most of my life until my mid 20s. Had a lot of anxiety/depression issues, along with being an honestly not very physically attractive guy etc.
For what it’s worth – I think you’re doing all the right things. Using dating sites, apps, and just meeting a lot of new people. It’s totally a numbers game.
Regarding your friends not wanting to do things – it’s a bit scary but maybe try just going to do some of those things that your friends don’t want to do by yourself? Like, go out in the city by yourself! Find some fun local events from facebook/whatever and go to em and just be friendly to people. Maybe make some new friends in the process that enjoy the same things you were doing too.
A big thing that helped me was going to things on the app meetup. I don’t go to things explicitly to date girls, but, I have had at least one romantic relationship due to meeting someone at an event there, and made a bunch of friends (mixed gender). And it’s honestly just a fun time. Going out to things and making new friends.
When you actually find a girl that you’re interested in – make sure that you’re giving her the right signals too. Like be genuinely interested in her, get to know her, maybe even try being a bit flirty with her if she seems to be interested. As long as you’re respectful and back off if she’s giving you signals she’s not interested in you (like short responses, not smiling, trying not to pay attention to you, or whatever) then there’s no harm in it. You might upset a rare person but that’s life and it’s necessary to take risks as a guy if you don’t want to be single forever imo. Keep in mind that attractive women receive a lot of interest from guys, especially single ones, so they’re used to gently rejecting guys.. and quite a few of them might not even know what they really want, or might just not be ready for a relationship, etc. Don’t take it personally.
Dating is really tough, especially for guys, so don’t beat yourself up. Keep at it and don’t lose hope.
I’m not here to give you advice. I’m just here because I’m in the same situation. I’m 28 and never even had a semblance of a relationship. Although I’m outgoing, have friends, have a lot of acquaintances. So just saying all those things don’t matter. And i don’t know what makes this thing work. So just saying you’re not alone.
27 here, I’ve been feeling this. A girl I was really into broke up with me just over two months ago and I have been trying find someone to get over her. I was in a miserable state, so I decided to clean up my act, quit drinking and hit the gym. I also hated my job and it clearly showed when we talked about it but soon after I got a promotion to a job I really enjoy now and it pays well. I started actually feeling good about myself and now I got out of my way to interact with coworkers when before I would show up really hungover, do my job and not talk to anyone, eat in my car by myself and go home.
Now I’m at a point where I just want to meet new people and start dating again because I miss the intimacy but my friends don’t really go out, I can’t date anyone at my work, and haven’t had any luck with all the dating apps I started using recently. I have some activities that I plan on doing solo in the next coming weeks so hopefully I can meet new people there. Good luck to you!
What, you think you’re special or something? I can name 20 people in a similar position right off the bat without thinking.
I remember I was in your shoes. Technically what helped me was getting drunk a few times to finally get rid of the labels like never kissed, never been on a date and virgin. And then I started my emotional work. And I came to two conclusions: there is no idea of “the one”, you should be “the one”. Why would somebody date you? What can you give them? And second: I have insecure attachment style.
Don’t think catastrophically. You’re doing yourself a massive disservice. EVERYONE finds a partner if they want one. Several friends never hooked up at 25, all of them happily married and some have babies.
The important thing is for you to carry on trying it on with girls. Nowadays it’s super easy with dating apps. It’s a numbers game, instead of giving up kick it up in a higher gear. Don’t draw any generalisations, everyone is different, you will have a different experience with every girl.
You WILL find someone, you’re ridiculously young.
Are you me? I’m literally like in the same position, weed/gamer friends with no interest in going out, hearing same redundant bullshit motivational phrases; on multiple dating apps for years with no real success and i live in a big city on the east coast + of average looks with a decent job, you would think the chances would be fair but nope, it’s somewhat hilarious actually. I ended up giving up for the most part, and although i did have a small amount of opportunities that came along randomly, they were not my type and i ended those flings early so i wouldn’t waste their time instead of pretending i was happy.
I hate to say it because i hear it so much, but you gotta just focus on other things like your career, health, etc. I would almost pop a vein in anger having to hear that bullshit over and over again, but in the end it did save me the stress over worrying about it and now I’m going to start a new career. So i guess its somewhat useful advice, you’re not alone my friend.
Dude just become the best version of yourself. Get that six pack you’ve always wanted. Chase those million dollars like you’ve always wanted to and get that pride and full heartedness from the philanthropic volunteering acts you do. Just start feeling good about yourself first and don’t expect anything at any point. Expect the least even if you have gone on some 3 dates with this girl. The point is, if you like/feel good about yourself all the time, someone else will too. Get that confidence and inner belief first. Make yourself better everyday and someone will start to believe that he’s the right guy for me.
I’ll leave this gem here.
How to approach women by Nick Sparks:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BBhxkOai2HM
Nobody can give you any bit of fully informed, likely-to-be-meaningful feedback if you don’t post a current, well lit, full body photograph of yourself.
Otherwise we have no way of knowing if this is a pure « Rule 1 and Rule 2 » situation.
travel
Feel your pain man. Been there for some reasons. Look you gotta take some action. Talk to girls and get to know them. And get some new friends who are singles so they don’t hold you back
im 27, I’ve dated a decent amount of girls. Don’t give up hope! There’s someone out there. Maybe you’re not meant to find someone right now but you will, but also don’t lower your standards just to be « happy »
YOU WILL find someone!
Thank you for that, and how are you currently trying to meet them? What are your main frustrations?
The best places to meet people are at work, through activities or volunteering where for the most part you’re all working towards the same goal, it can be the easiest way for you to drum up natural conversation, for those of you who struggle with small talk.
Online dating is tough unless you put a lot of money into it or are incredibly attractive. If you’re struggling with it, try not to let it affect you. For those of us who aren’t stunners it can hurt to almost never get swiped right.
i just got back into online dating and it seems completely dead now. the companies want your money.
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i think the best solution is to start cold approaching girls. you really learn a lot about yourself and your insecurities. i’m gonna start doing it again pretty soon
That was exactly me until I decided to go on a journey to find myself a few months ago and it turns out I’m on the asexual spectrum.
Not that you are too because that’s unique for everyone but maybe yes, even when it hurts because we don’t have what we want when we want it we sometimes need to step back and see what is going on with us (not in a bad sense) so we can know what to do next.
I know it is probably not the best advice but I wish you the best
Hang in there buddy!
I’m 28 (nearly 29) and had been single my whole life up until December last year. I struggled with it too, then it came out of nowhere. Well, I say nowhere – you have to put yourself out there and put the work in, you can’t expect things to fall in your lap – but yeah it still caught be by surprised.
We broke up a few months ago LOL but that’s a whole other story!
I feel this way constantly. People keep telling me things will get better, but it hasn’t.
Hello. So I’m not in the situation but have a friend whose 27 and in a first long term relationship. She got sex (sadly it is much easier for girls) but could never really find a relationship. What always bugged me is that she’s smart, pretty great body, but really struggled. She found her partner online and they’re both really into illustrations.
1. The key here is quality rather than quantity. My thinking is seconding so many others’ opinions on here but being very specific. So I’m sure there is a hobby you have that is super specific, for example anime, (you go to comic con and aim to meet friends.) Another example would be hiking; maybe there is a local runners club (similar enough to hiking). If you don’t meet any nice girls, maybe at least you’ll make new friends that have the same niche hobby as you, then you’re also more likely to be introduced to more people and thus maybe meeting some girls.
2. It might not be the case, but it would be reasonable if you suffered from confidence issues… that’s super hard to overcome, however the good new is you can ‘fake it ‘till u make it’. People love confidence, so if it’s lacking, just fake it even if it’s literally body language. If you want to know more on this there is a really good video on YouTube (it’s on ted talks I believe). If you’ve read this far, let me know and I will happily look it up and post on here.
All the best
Don’t give up lmao
I would suggest finding new guy friends—ones that are adventurous, fun, confident, and out going. Keep pursuing women, but make your goal of finding decent guy friends your bigger priority. Once you do create these new friendships, go out to bars, clubs or just downtown. That’s where most single people go
You’ll find someone. Sometimes it comes suddenly. This weekend you’re alone, next week you met somebody. 4 weeks later you’re in a relationship.
You never would have thought that 5-6 weeks ago you would have met somebody and be in a relationship now.
Just keep looking and keep putting yourself out there. The hardest part is being out there , because it’s so much easier to be away from people and just think that they’re going to come to you but they don’t. you have to get out there to them.
I definitely recommend volunteering though. Besides doing something productive with your time, it’s not necessarily because you think you’re going to meet someone there but it’s because when you tell somebody about the things you do and your hobbies, volunteering can only be something that will help you.
as an example, I can definitely say that my volunteering time as an ESL teacher and food pantry volunteer, was looked on favorably by many of the women I met. At neither of those places that I meet any women for romance, but besides the satisfaction I got out of it helping other people, I was able to help myself look more favorable to any women I did meet in other ways .
As for other things I can’t really say what else there is about you all I know is that you’re in therapy, which could be something that exhibits itself when you talk about things to other people.
I would suggest to try to avoid telling people you’re in therapy on the first date as well as try to have a more positive attitude while you’re on the date.
At 37 it doesn’t get any easier, because now I can only go 7 years in either direction. I’m also fat and 5’6″ so yay me. Hopefully you’re better off than me.
Go to church.
I feel you! At this point I think you’re just unlucky, you go out plenty so it’s not like there’s no opportunity, and you seem like a nice guy. I’m sure if you continue what you do, you’ll meet someone eventually.
I’m a bit of a hermit and thought I’d never meet a guy I’d really hit off with. Then when I stopped “looking” I met someone online.
I sometimes feel that way too, that maybe I will never find someone, and I’ve learnt to be okay with it.
To be okay with the idea that maybe some people aren’t meant to be part of a couple, and that being along is your destiny. It shouldn’t be scary, it sounds like you have friends and possibly a support system. I hope you have true friends but they will eventually reduce down to quality ones, and that’s okay too.
Life is so much more than just finding that one person, it’s not the end of the world. And maybe you’re meant to get out there to do great things for a big group of people, and in order to do that, you need to be single.
I’m not saying don’t give up hope, keep trying to meet people for sure, but when you’re alone, still be comfortable and confident in your own skin. ❤️
Yea this is the reality of female hypergamy
Maybe date for prospective marriage instead of sex? You know date the girl to treat her right and get to know her, instead of for self pleasure.
Fuck zoned=friend zoned
Women know which men are ligit, which men just want to fuck, and which men are still looking to lose their virginity to be inducted into a fantasy realm of men that have had sex. Try being the man your mom raised you to be and you’ll have more luck. Not necessarily with sex, but with girls in general.
You’re welcome
Therapists can make things worse. That profession is a joke. Self therapy might be more useful for you. Watch the two videos below.
https://youtu.be/G2-p4A7Bl6s
https://youtu.be/xz3rsX63epE
I’ve found videos by The Natural Lifestyles super helpful in getting better with women by working on myself: https://youtu.be/a1_e8SSSn4E
You have to seriously work on yourself and try harder. Relying on OLD isn’t the way to go. You need to find a new social circle, and you have to learn how to better attract women. Plenty of good youtubers that specialize in this area. RSD Tyler, Dan Bacon, The Atttactive man. Learn from these guys and put more effort into it until you make it happen for yourself. Lose the negative mindset.
in my oponion
You gotta go out and talk to people just for the practice….. strike up convo with multiple women and get a feel for what you bring to the table will help u with confidence. don’t approach with an outcome in mind helps….
First thing is try to put the best version of you out there. Are you fit? How’s your hygiene and your clothes? Style is subjective, so I’m not saying you have to fit a mold, but try different things and find the clothes or haircut or style that gives you the most confidence and plays well to your body shape/face/etc. You should also be physically comfortable in your clothes. It should fit well, not be too tight or big.
Then, really put yourself out there. Whenever you are out and about (gym, grocery store, etc) try to ask a girl out, or at least say hi and see where it goes. Be proactive, don’t wait for your friends to introduce you. Find new friends if you have to. Ask girls out any chance you get. In class, at Starbucks, in class, at the doctors office. And have a hobby or two. Play co-ed soccer/volleyball/whatever. Or take a ballroom dance class, cooking class, photography. Join a hiking group. Idk. Do lots of stuff (whatever you enjoy). Work on it like you do anything. Keep improving, take better pictures for your dating profile.
It sucks, but it’s a numbers game. You’re still young and have plenty of time.
Here’s how I’ve met my girlfriends: school, online, bar, retail store (she was working), friends of friends at happy hour/party. I’ve never dated a girl through work, though I know that’s common.