Dating : First time dating a man, needing advice about exclusivity

Dating : First time dating a man, needing advice about exclusivity

Reposted to r/relationship_advice

I’m [22] a bi woman and I recently started dating my first guy (I’ve only been with women in the past). We had the “exclusivity talk” pretty early on, actually during our first date, and he had told me that he wasn’t looking for anything serious and he “isn’t sure” if he could be exclusive with me, and is that a dealbreaker? And I told him I was okay with not being exclusive in the beginning, especially because we had only just met, but things might change later on if I develop feelings. So at this point he knows that I’m down with being casual for now, but that’s liable to change if I develop feelings.

Eventually we have sex and I’m just enamored with him. But the next day we talk again and he’s like “I just want to be upfront with you, I don’t know if I can be exclusive with you” and I’m like “I know, we had this talk already”, and he’s saying “okay bc I don’t want to hurt you or lead you on” and then I ask “so when you say you ‘don’t know’ or you ‘aren’t sure’ if you can be exclusive with me, does that actually mean you ‘don’t know’, or you ‘don’t think’ you can be exclusive?” And he answers “I… don’t *want* to be exclusive”.

Call me naive, but this was the first moment I had clarity about his intention of never being exclusive. Even though he said upfront that he was looking for something casual, when I said my bit about how “I’m ok with being casual but that might change later on”, I had naively assumed he would be on board with that. I wish it were clearer to me that he *never* wanted to be exclusive. It felt like he was aware of this disparity between our expectations, but chose not to address it until after we had sex, which also doesn’t make me feel great.

I’ve never dated non-exclusively before. I could be into it, who knows? Plenty of my friends do it. But I have historically been very monogamous in my past relationships, and I guess I’m just nervous about getting my feelings hurt by continuing to date this guy. I really like him but I don’t want to *actually fall in love* if being exclusive isn’t on the table at all. If I cut things off now it’s not too late for me to save myself from potential heartbreak. But also, I’m not really looking for a relationship either. I think it’s important to date lots of different people to figure out what kind of person would be a good fit for you. He and I are on the same page about that for sure, I just thought he would be open to catching feelings too.

So…, what are some other things to consider in deciding what to do in this situation? I’m likely going to talk to him about this again, so what are some points I should bring up?