Dating : GF receives money and expensive gifts from her parents
I am 27 and my gf is 23. We’ve been together for almost a year. We get along great and live together. Don’t have kids. But sometimes I suspect we have very contrasting values or maturity. I don’t know if I am in the wrong here but one thing really bothers me, and that is her attitude towards money. Basically I make a lot more than she does, as I am much further in my career than she is in hers. She now earns the minimal wage, and now was 2 months without work, where I covered all expenses. At the beginning, we decided to have a joint account and do our finances together, and when there are major expenses like travelling, etc. I cover the bigger part. Now that is ok, as I don’t expect her to make the same amount as I do, but I really value the idea of financial independence. I have never received or would be willing to receive an expensive gift from anyone. This need to be completely independent of anyone stems from the fact that money was used frequently in my family as a way of controlling people emotionally: « since you live under my roof and eat my food », etc. I make my own money, and buy things I can afford. I equate that with being an adult. I communicated that value with her and she seemed to understand that.
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Now, her parents are much better off than I am. She receives money from her dad. He simply sends her an amount every month. Her mum takes her clothes/jewellery shopping almost every month and they spend a quarter of my monthly income on it. Now that’s her business in theory, but it really bothers me. Is this normal? Or am I overreacting? Recently she said she would really, really like a watch. I said alright, let’s both start saving money each month, and buy ourselves some nice watches, me and her, as I needed one too. She said ok. **Week after that, she got exactly that watch from her mum as a gift. Am I an asshole for expressing my dissatisfaction with that?**
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TL;DR: Girlfriend gets money for nothing and expensive gifts from her parents, and it starts to annoy me in the fact that I have to somewhat support her, and can’t afford such luxury items for myself because of that. Also she doesn’t seem to understand that adults shouldn’t be supported by their parents in any way – at least in my opinion.
Yeah it bothers you because you’re paying for her living expenses when it’s pretty clear her parents can cover that given how much they’re spending on random shit. Ask her to save some of the money her dad gives her to put toward rent/food. Also did you really make a joint account with her? You’re not even married and she has claims to your income? Oof
There’s a chapter on this in the millionaire next door.
Hey okay so I’m going to offer some perspective from her side.
I am 23 F.
My dad is very well off (real estate investor) and owns several buildings. I would get allowance and still do and anything I want basically.
BUT I would always offer to pay my share on dates AND I would pay for the mans future dates on rotation.
I make sure that it’s 50/50 between my man and me and I don’t take advantage of him.
Now, I’m a graduate student. No job yet. That is why my dad is able to support me and will do so until I graduate.
That is my case. You should talk to her about this because it sounds like you are still getting the unfair share of the financial burden.
**You don’t owe her anything unless you WANT to out of the kindness of your own heart.**
Like I said, I have always understood what I have and always paid my share + treated my man to nice dinners on a rotational basis (he pays, I pay, he pays for dinner, I pay for movies).
Other than that… I can’t help it that I have well off parents. Not in a condescending way or anything of course. It’s just… they’re not going to stop supporting me or not buy me nice things cause I have a boyfriend. You know what I mean?
Good luck and talk to her.
Edit: In fact one of my ex boyfriends in college took advantage of me and made me pay for everything (he would forget his wallet and say he got me next time)
Basically when parents do well for themselves and don’t effectively pass on good spending habits to their children. Those children continue to leech on the parents sometimes preventing the parents from retiring when they should and also causing problems when the parents die, because the child expects a standard of living which is no longer feasible without income supplementation from their parents.