Dating : Ghosted after around a month of dating
So I met this girl on bumble [19F] who comes on really strong to me [21M]. Says I’m exactly her type, the whole nine yards. We immediately exchange numbers/snapchat and schedule a date. Everything goes really well for the next three weeks. We are a perfect match, she got me in ways no one else has. Constant communication, we go on a date or two a week. She met my parents briefly (we both live at home and go to college), and alluded to dating and the future. She even told her parents all about me.
Then one morning, after she went clubbing with her friends the previous night, we talk as normal. That is until I ask when she wanted to go out that day as planned. It was left on read for 4 hours so I try again thinking maybe she feel asleep, got busy, etc. Then after a couple more hours I text (other two were snap) asking if everything was okay in the event something had happened. The next morning after no responses (not even reading either of the two subsequent attempts at contact) I basically said bye and unadded her from snapchat (we were each other’s best friend too, so I figured I was the main guy she was texting). Maybe I jumped the gun, but I know she was on snap and was just ignoring me which is rude and unwarranted. For reference, communication everyday prior to this was relatively fast with neither of us getting left unanswered. Admittedly, I did cave and readded her which did not do anything as expected, I was just desperate to do something and was stupid since I was rather distraught.
It leaves me wondering what I did wrong. Maybe I didn’t go fast enough? Maybe something happened at that club (met a guy, etc)? Perhaps I should have just left it and maybe it would have worked itself out? I really never worried about my stance with her because it was going so well as she had mentioned; I let my guard down and let it naturally play out. She also said she wouldn’t ever ghost, but then again, a serial killer doesn’t say he is a serial killer. It really sucks that this kind of thing seems to be relatively common in the dating world these days, with many cases being worse than this one. It takes 2 seconds to say it isn’t working.
What are your guys’ experiences with ghosting (either being the victim or the one who did it)?
You need to back off and let her come to you. If/when she does contact you, then try to set up another date. If she balks at that or rejects your offer, then say “ok well let me know if you change your mind and want to get together again”, turn your back, and walk away. That’s really all you can do.
Although it’s possible she has some “life issues” going on at the moment, I’d bet someone else has her attention. It’s nothing you did, it’s just how these things go in the early stages. Just leave her be and if she wants to get in touch, she will. Don’t be passive aggressive, delete her from Snapchat, etc…. that won’t help. Give her some space, don’t initiate any contact, and if you hear zero from her in let’s say, a week, move on.
>We are a perfect match, she got me in ways no one else has.
This is a great lesson in reality. « Perfect » is an easy conclusion to draw when you’re in love.
>It leaves me wondering what I did wrong. Maybe I didn’t go fast enough?
Think about this line of thinking. You are suggesting that you should have advanced the relationship faster…which would have prevented her from ghosting? Think about that logic. In the #metoo age, this might be the worst conclusion ever.
Who knows if you did something wrong…or something is wrong with her. Its entirely possible she met up with an ex, or met somebody new…or her dog died. Or whatever. Life is complicated and its not all about what you did right or wrong. She has a life. Is it rude how she did it? Sure, but thats how life goes. She doesn’t owe you anything, sadly.
> I let my guard down and let it naturally play out.
No you trusted her…like you should have trusted her. Then she betrayed whatever trust you had by ghosting.
>she also said she wouldn’t ever ghost, but then again, a serial killer doesn’t say he is a serial killer. It really sucks that this kind of thing seems to be relatively common in the dating world these days, with many cases being worse than this one. It takes 2 seconds to say it isn’t working.
She’s not even 20 yet. This is just how it goes. You’re gonna be 28 and you’re still gonna deal with people like this. It will go on forever…because it has less to do with ghosting, and more about chemistry. The best people in your life would never do this, and thats a good way to judge who is legit in your life or not. People who ghost dont deserve your time, and you applying a societal courtesy of not wanting people to ghost is unrealistic. It will happen, unfortunately.
Nah, you made the right call. Move on and meet someone new
Every girl who’s ghosted me tells me how much they hate being ghosted and how shitty it is. People are hypocrites, more at 11
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