Dating : Girl calls herself ugly and chubby before I even meet her, completely turned off now, what do I do?
Matched with this girl online, we chatted for a bit and got along pretty well and agreed to go out on a date. Towards the end of the conversation she started coming off as really insecure, talking about how she was ugly and chubby and even sent me unflattering pictures of herself to « prove » it. I thought she was somewhat normal looking before that but now I’m completely turned off from seeing her. I feel bad, and I know it’s pretty shallow of me to not see past her physical attributes if she has a decent personality, but now I just don’t even want to see her. What should I tell her? Or should I just block her and move on? Thanks.
UPDATE: Sent her a quick text saying « Hey. Sorry I don’t know how to say this…I was interested but your insecurities and bashing yourself really turned me off, I need to cancel. Take care. » and promptly blocked her.
Whoa. Run for the hills. Imagine having to sit through a dinner and listen to that. Pass.
On a serious note, you can’t give someone self esteem. She needs to work on herself before she tries to date seriously.
That’s pretty manipulative. She’s looking to you to fix her self-esteem. I can be very blunt so I would say, « Hey, don’t talk about yourself like that. You wouldn’t say that to your best friend, would you? Then why would you say it to yourself? TBH that kind of insecurity is not something I prefer to be around, so I’m gonna cancel our date. In the meantime, I think you should take a hard look at your issues and get help for them. Good luck and take care. »
And then block.
In my teens I had a girl say the same stuff to me, including, and I quote « I have no tits. »
None of her pictures on social media were flattering either.
I met her in person and she ended up being one of the most attractive human beings I’ve ever seen in my life, and she had a big ol tits.
Women are crazy sometimes.
Yea that’s a red flag to me, I verify their social media to make sure and see if they are really fat. If they ask me, do you have a thing for thick girls , I usually ghost. It means they are bigger in person than I’m seeing in their pics.
How chubby is chubby?
I feel it’s quite manipulative when people do that _after_ they’ve cornered you into a position where they _know_ it’s not going to be easy for you to leave them. And when they’re aware of what they’re doing to you, why should you care? They sorta built up to a possibly very awkward position and they should blame themselves for the outcome if you do choose to leave.
I think you did the right thing. By her comments, this girl has extremely low self-esteem and is thinking that a relationship will be the answer to boosting it (it won’t). She needs to make sure she is in a good place before she dates.
RUN
As a fellow fat girl, I wouldn’t want to be told that is the reason but then I wouldn’t want to meet someone who isn’t attracted to me either.
Tell her you’ve been talking to another person who you want to get to know better and it wouldn’t be fair to keep in touch considering your feelings for the other girl …
It’ll hurt but a lot less than insulting her looks (although she’ll think that’s the reason why anyway)