Dating : Girls of Reddit, If you lost trust in your boyfriend/husband, what do you think they could do to improve the situation and earn your trust back?
Well I left my cellphone at home, she by accident saw a conversation I had with a girl I was interested in (I never dated this girl), before her, this was 1 year after we meet (when I was interested in the other girl). This other girl message me twice while I was with my current girlfriend. One time just asking how I was and reminiscing I guess and asked to go for a coffee and I stopped there the conversation, the other time to wish me a good birthday and I tried to be polite and end the conversation as fast as possible. I m dating my current girlfriend for a year now but I know we are meant to be.
Cut ties completely with that other girl. I know that’s drastic, but that girl is still interested with you. If you had to end the convo with her as soon as possible, it sounds a bit fishy. It sounds like you might be interested with her also.
couples therapy.
divorces happen when someone cheats – the main reason being that the trust is completely gone and never comes back.
Ok as a female, I can get worked up about certain things. I would just try and gain her trust back, and have a heart to heart with her. Have a conversation about what you can work on yourself, and say this will never happen again. Make sure you keep to your word, also, is her friend a good friend? How old are you btw?
Do couples therapy and work it out only if both of you are willing, I tell you this because of a similar experience I had 8 years ago and now I’m getting divorced, some women tend to hold on to things from the past for a very very very long time.
Honestly you need to ask her what specific things you can do to start building that trust back and then give her time to think about what would help. Everyone is different. For her that may be having access to your phone passcode. Even if she doesn’t check it, knowing that she has access to it may make her feel secure like you’re not hiding anything (I don’t really agree with that personally because I think it’s a slippery slope, but it could help.)
I personally can’t have a relationship with someone if they betrayed my trust and that goes for friendships too. If I do it takes a long time to get it back to where it was.
From what you said it seems like you passively removed this other girl from your life by deleting her contact and removing her from social media. If I were the GF in this case I would have wanted you to be more overt. As in messaging the girl something like, “Thank you for the offer but I’m in a relationship and I want to honor that. It would be inappropriate for me to go out with you or to keep talking to you.” It’s direct and leaves no gray room for interpretation, yet still polite. If your girlfriend saw you do that it could’ve turn a situation that makes you look a little shady into your gf finding you hot af for setting boundaries with another woman and affirming the relationship.
This would be different if she was just a woman friend, but the fact that you have some level of non-platonic history and that she seems to be into you is what makes it problematic.
Hope this helps.
Edit: spelling & grammar
I don’t see that you’ve done anything wrong here.
Having said that. If you want to gain her trust back, keep communicating, be real and open with your feelings and most of all be patient.
Main thing is it’s not your choice if she trusts you, so don’t get frustrated with her.
I’ve been on your end of this and I have to warn you that this can very easily lead to you being emotionally abused. Cutting off old crushes can be OK but it can be a slippery slope.
Good luck.
For me personally it probably couldnt be fixed.
There’s really no reason you lost that trust.
How do you accidentally snoop someones phone?
1. Delete that shit. Women are like Sherlock Holmes but with tits.
2. Trust is earned. Both ways.
One of the iron rules of Tomassi: Don’t go rooting in the trash after it’s been taken out. In other words, once a female has lost interest in you, there’s no point trying to salvage the situation. You’re better off just finding another woman who actually likes you. Don’t try to negotiate desire with someone who no longer likes you.
I’d say the only exception is if you have kids together, a house together and generally invested an awful lot into the relationship over many years.
I somehow get the impression you’re not telling us the full story about how your replied to this girl asking about coffee and wishing you happy birthday.
Otherwise, if you handled it appropriately, your girlfriend shouldn’t really have a huge problem. Maybe she has some irrational jealousy about this. Again, it depends entirely on how you responded. But the the appearance of impropriety can be a problem on its own.
If she is being unreasonable, then you stand your ground and say you did nothing wrong, but acknowledge that you respect her discomfort and take some kind of appropriate action to cut off the other girl.
If she is not being unreasonable, you are pretty much screwed.