Dating : Got dumped by someone, but why do I care so much?
So I broke up with my cheating and lying boyfriend about 3-4 months ago, and I got tinder pretty soon after to meet people and to be honest, just hook up.
About 3 weeks ago I matched with a friend of a friend and we had one date and we clicked right away, so we scheduled next date about two weeks after since we were both traveling. It was obvious from the start that he really liked me (even my friend said so), he was really honest about it and we were moving pretty quick in relationship terms. So after about 2 weeks, few days before we were supposed to meet, he started ghosting me. So I asked what was wrong and he told me he was just not feeling so well (which I assumed was his anxiety). Our plans got canceled, he still didn’t talk to me that much the following 2 days, and I asked him again hinting if it’s something with me. So yeah, he met someone during his trip that he has known for 10 years and has liked for a really long time, but he didn’t want to date 2 people at once, so he dumped me.
So for some reason, I’m super pissed. He said he’s really honest, so why didn’t he tell me from the start instead of ghosting me? I don’t understand why this affects me so much, what’s wrong with me?
He might have been trying to figure things out himself and that’s why he became distant. He didn’t ghost you, he explained to you exactly how he felt. You’re pissed, understandably, because it hurts your pride probably.
Nobody wants to get dumped. Getting ghosted is even worse. My viewpoint on why you are pissed:
* Like it or not, you got dumped for someone else. That is a blow to the ego, no matter how light it seems.
* You got ghosted over something that you felt he could have at least given you some dignity by telling you upfront.
* You did like the guy.
To add to this, your ex-boyfriend was cheating on you, which, of course, is crushing emotionally and a huge self-esteem killer.
So in the past 4 months, you have lost out to other women with two different guys.
But trust me, you’ll rebound more quickly than you think. Just take some time to grieve, lick your wounds. Do not just hook up. Even avoid dating for at least a month.
I just basically got dumped two months ago myself (though I ghosted when she tried to rotate back to me), so I know the feeling. But after two months of reflection, correcting some things that I hadn’t really worked on (jealousy), I am back at it and now dating someone new.
Feel pissed about being ghosted. He definitely should have told you up front about the other girl. And it’s no fun being the « backup plan ».
Be glad this happened early on in the relationship, and not when you were deeper in. It’s a small consolation, but it’s a real one.