Dating : Great before and during the date, but we hooked up and things have gotten odd. Should I worry?

Dating : Great before and during the date, but we hooked up and things have gotten odd. Should I worry?

Recently, a mutual friend [F23] that I [M23] knew from high school days hit me up via Twitter to go to a music festival since her other group bailed. I’d been thinking about going, so of course I agreed.

From then on, we started catching up and basically just hit it off. Unknowingly, we had a ton in common— likes, dislikes, general mannerisms, basically a lot more than I ever expected. Kind of works out when you have to spend three days in a tent together, right?

So, it had been roughly over a week of us talking nonstop. A ton of flirting, banter, everything. She’d been working on getting a new place a few towns over for a new job, so she’s between the new place, her old place (in my town), and her parents’ place grabbing things. Once she finally made it back in town, we immediately made plans. It happened to be the 4th of July.

The second I picked her up, it was great. We talked, shared stories, had some drinks, made a few plans. We listened very attentively to every story we told. I was incredibly excited for her new job, she asked a million questions about my publication. It was wonderful. We left the restaurant, picked up more to drink, then jammed out in the car on the way back to her place. We basically couldn’t stop laughing at each other. It was fun.

Once her roommate came back, we hung out with her and made a quick round to see fireworks, then back to her place again to take out the dog and let her roommate change for a party. As we took out the dog, she spilled some of her soul talking about some heavier things (I called her by her nickname sort of accidentally, she smiled super heavy). It felt great.

Once her roommate left, we “watched” a movie (aka me talking about my nerdy cinema stuff and her listening attentively) until she kind dozed off on my shoulder. Eventually, I convinced her to go to bed, she asked me to stay, and I did. I couldn’t drive, anyway. We made out, teased a bit, agreed to not have sex bc of the festival coming up, but then got competitive and bet who caved in first. You can fill in the rest.

The next morning, we got breakfast and I left to get ready for work. Nothing seemed different until we started less contact. It went from a lot to very little. It seemed fine since she knew I was working a lot and she had to move stuff to her new place. That is, until last night. We reestablished contact and she admitted she regretted having sex (apparently citing she told herself she’d wait until 2020. Ironically, something I was trying to do, too). I apologized for any pressure she felt, but she said it was the most fun she’d had in a long time. It was reassuring, but kept saying “we need to think with our dicks less” at both of us. It made sense. It’s obvious we both came from bad relationships beforehand, so I understand both sides hesitating.

Basically, do I approach this the same way I have been? Being playful and as casual as can be? Regardless, I have to remain in contact because of this giant rave we’re about to go to, so let’s hope for the best here.

Disclaimer: sorry for the format, iPhone probs.


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  1. if you still go to the rave together, don’t give in to sex again. she is making it clear, in the light of day and without any influence of the romantic moment or alcohol, that she doesn’t want to have sex again.

    so the rave will probably have high emotions and lots of drinking, so just don’t do that again or you’ll probably have the same conversation again also.

  2. > Basically, do I approach this the same way I have been? Being playful and as casual as can be?

    My advice is yeah, just be you and do your thing. What happened was natural, but she’s having some very self-conscious feelings about the whole thing, give her some time/space to sort it out. In the meantime, have fun and be continue being playful. Don’t push her to do anything, don’t try and force contact, let her come to you when she’s ready. That’s my opinion.

  3. You hit it. So forget it. She dropped heavy stuff on you which makes me think she was just using you as an emotional tampon. She regrets not keeping you in the friend zone. Now it sounds like you have a case of oneitis.

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