Dating : Happiness with being alone
I had too much caffeine last night, so I had deep late night talks with some of my friends.
One of the things we talked about was happiness with being alone. You see, it was not until I was 25yrs old when I first entered a relationship. So, if there were anyone among our cliques who is used to singlehood, it was me. But now, as I go through a recent breakup with my first relationship, I realized that those years I spent alone with myself was not a waste at all. In those years, I realized that I never really felt the need to be with somebody to feel complete, to feel happy. As I live my life on my own, I learned to find happiness without needing anyone to be by my side. And that’s also probably the reason I don’t feel the need to immediately replace my ex with another lover just so I could forget and move on.
I realized that even when I was still single, I was in a happy world. The only difference when I had a partner is that I got to share that happy world with a special someone. But you know what’s empowering about this mindset? It’s the assurance that even after they leave, your happiness will stay. They don’t get to take that away from you. You’ve always been happy, even on your own. That right there is a superpower.
Honestly this is an amazing realization to come to.
Being happy and content single allows you to really think through whether or not entering a relationship with someone will be truly worth it, and will give you the confidence to leave a relationship when you start to realize it may no longer be beneficial. It also helps with overall independence and will keep you from unhealthily relying on your partner for happiness, validation, or other needs.
When I find out someone I’m interested in is genuinely content with being single and doesn’t cling to hopping from relationship to relationship, it’s one of the most attractive features in the world.
There was a period in my life when I wished I could be in a relationship where I can be single-together….where we are seeing each other when we want, but live separately and don’t feel obligated to do things that we really really hate to do. I am not saying all things as there has to be give and take in any relationships to work out.
But after trying the single life for a while, I knew that I was forcing it. Some of us need the company of others constantly to feel happy I guess. It isn’t just that I need that person there for happiness alone, but there’s just too much emptiness for me without that someone there.
However, I understand you point of view. Sometimes it is a lot of extra work or some people are just generally asshats and winning at relationships can seem like playing the lottery more often than not.
If you have the right mindset about life, you can feel tall as a redwood tree when you start weighing the positives and negatives about being the committed bachelor. Really people…you and you alone decide your daily path and the choices you’ll make. So much of that gets compromised and thrown in the trash in relationships & marriage. It can feel like handcuffs when you didn’t expect it to. Be thankful for the rejections in addition to whatever acceptance you get for a date. Those people are often saving you from yourself.
idk, im currently speaking to a woman from another thread who went off on a guy for asking how to decipher hints, makes me really happy im single. this sub and some of the women in it make me realize i made the right decision to stay alone.
Love this mindset!!
I was single through college (I went on some dates and had some on and off “things”, but never an exclusive relationship) and I had a grand old time. Some of my friends were in serious long term relationships and they were always complaining about the drama. I went out with my friends, I didn’t get hounded about where I was or who I was with, I celebrated holidays with my family, I went on vacations with the girls, and I was perfectly happy. I started dating my now soon-to-be husband in the last semester of my senior year and I think it was perfect timing. I have no regrets about being single and I think having that time alone as a young adult was good for me.
Quite frankly, you’re really at an age where I’m super envious and wished I was single. You are unlikely (don’t want to generalise) to have the level of financial commitment that typically accompanies people who are getting married and starting families.
I would enjoy this period if I were you to pursue my passions (eg: do a startup?), finding the job that you love, take care of your health and just socialise! Before long, you will find yourself getting married and look back at this post with a smile.
I think the thing that sells singledom for me is all the people settling down in their early 20s as if there’s nothing else to achieve in life.
I’d take a heartbreak over being single any day. I just want one date before I die