Dating : Help me snap out of « Red Pill » thinking. It’s making me miserable, yet it seems so accurate.
I’ve always been pretty introverted and never really pursued women that much. I always considered myself somewhat alienated by my peers. While growing up, girls would pretty regularly ignore me. It’s a different type of pain than rejection. Rejection at least acknowledges your existence, but being treated like you’re invisible is much worse, in my opinion.
Fast forward, and now I’m an adult. I’ve since dated and had a handful of relationships ranging from 6 months to 2 years. But it was always **very difficult** to get through that initial stage of convincing someone to give me a chance. And the relationships never worked out because I was never really attracted to the woman in the first place. I would only date women that I didn’t think were particularly beautiful. They were basically just friends that I happened to have sex with. There was no overwhelming desire for them, and I constantly found myself thinking about other women that I actually found attractive. Since I’m not a cheater, I’d just opt to end the relationship citing a lack of sexual chemistry, and I’d try to be friendly about it.
I don’t have ridiculous standards. I just want to date someone that I’m genuinely attracted to. I’m 28, tall (6’3), in good shape, well-groomed and relatively handsome, have a successful six figure career, have a good sense of humor, have a variety of interests and volunteer regularly, and I’m kind and generous towards basically everyone. I treat people with respect. I don’t rage at people, I don’t belittle people, I don’t gossip. If a girl ghosts me or rejects me, I just remove her number and try to let it go. **I don’t blame women for anything, only myself**.
The women I’ve dated? They’re typically about 50-100lbs overweight, they don’t put effort into their appearance (clothing that doesn’t fit, never wearing make-up), they have no career goals, and some had hygiene issues.
I’ll read through countless articles and posts about what women supposedly want, and I literally check all of the boxes. I’m constantly reading about women claiming they wish they could meet a guy like me. **Yet they never show any interest** **in the real world**.
I’ve reached a point where I’m considering forced, dramatic changes in my personality. I’m frustrated by seeing attractive women with rude, sleazy men, lacking any aspirations or ambitions. The reason I’m genuinely starting to consider « TRP » and some of the general tenets (basically, act like an aloof prick), is because **those are the only men that ever seem to date attractive women. Period.**
So please — women or other guys — can you convince me that this isn’t reality? I really don’t want to pretend to be somebody that I’m not, but I also don’t want to die alone, you know?
Well if you arent lying about being a well groomed, attractive 6’3 guy who earns over $100k a year the problem is your personality. That or this is a troll post.
Could you dm me a pic? I’m not being creepy or anything. It’s just that I can probably help figure out what’s going wrong.
It’s probably just your attitude and personality. You sound like you think these girls SHOULD be attracted to you because you’re tall and make good money. I’m 5’8 or 5’9, fit, and unemployed for the last 5 months waiting to get shipped to boot camp and I don’t have any real problems getting dates.
You’re confusing being rude assholes with being red pillers – they’re not. It’s more about accepting the truth of hoe reality works. The reason you’re hurt right now is that the way the world works is contradicting to the way you view or thought about, things like go to school to get rich or be the romantic to get women. They’re not wrong, just skewed – which lead men to be dumbfounded and frustrated when things don’t work the way it’s « supposed » to work.
I can say I was blue pilled before – the typical nice guy, hopeless romantic and people pleaser, the one who wholeheartedly believe that is the key to a woman’s heart. Alas, that’s not how reality works, that’s what I found out after I’ve taken the red pill.
Being soft in nature since I was young, I’m lucky that I didn’t turn 180 of my personality and became the assholes that you spoke off. Instead, it lets me step back and look at things objectively without being swayed by prior false believes. I found that there’s absolutely nothing wrong with being a gentleman, nice guy, not at all. But for women – attraction comes first. If you don’t attract them first, i.e. teasing, bantering, flirting, decisive and confident in your approach, no amount of sappy romantic gestures will help you winning them over.
The sooner you accept this the better things will get, not only for your relationships with women but life in general like at your jobs, with your friends, at your own businesses and what not. You can’t change reality but you can change your perspective on it.
What age range are you looking to date? I feel you, im a few years older than you, same height, and about 10k short of a 6 figure.
I’ve noticed this is less of a problem with women in their 30’s as it is if you’re dating girls in their early to mid 20’s. The latter really isn’t looking for a nice polite guy to settle down with, they’re looking for what’s fun.
This is an interesting post. I read through most of your replies and I am a little confused on what the problem could be. There is definitely a dichotomy between how you claim to be and your results with women. However, for the sake of giving some new advice, I will assume you are accurate in your perception of yourself.
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I think it could be your geographically location, the type of social interactions you do, or something with your initial first touch with women. If the city you live in doesn’t fit you well, it may be time for a move. For example, if you’re in a college town, you may be shooting yourself in the foot dating wise.
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You may need to choose more social interactions that force interactions with women. Maybe drop the boxing class (I am guessing its mostly men) and pick up, BJJ or kick boxing, or something that women are more likely to attend. Try a dancing class, yoga, running club, etc. Something like that.
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The mostly likely problem is your first interaction with women is not up to par. I wouldn’t change your personality, but you do need to critically analyze your first meetings. When do they lose interest, was there ever any interest, maybe there was interest and it fizzled out, etc. Even in 2019, attractive women probably won’t take the lead in social interactions. What you see as no interest, could be the casual indifference of someone waiting for you to prove yourself.
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My thoughts on TRP, is that it works, but it is not a way you want to succeed. It seems to be about shifting your perceived social status but, in my opinion, it takes advantage of people and it won’t make you happy.
So what happens when you pursue women that you’re actually attracted to? And be real, what’s not perfect thing about you? Not trying to belittle, just want to see some self awareness and humility.
Either way, I hope you find happiness.
Have you asked out women you find attractive?
Where are you meeting these women you don’t find attractive? I’m going to assume online for now. If everything you say is true and this isn’t a shitpost, perhaps your online dating profile is shit. Start with getting better pics if that’s the case.
Some guys are female repellent…. its not a high % but it does happen. I am one of them, although i am also short and 3/10 on looks so there are way more reasons than DNA
This has to be a troll or you’re overestimating yourself (egos are a helluva drug). You’re attracting women that don’t take care of themselves yet you’re a Golden Boy? From reading some of your comments you just may be boring and think that your looks are going to help you from actually developing a personality. If it’s a you problem maybe be more introspective and see what you can work on. Ask friends and family but becoming an asshole is not the solution. Good luck!
How about finding one that you really like and going for her? It’s high stakes, but it’s high returns too.
Btw I’d really like to know how you look like too, just to satisfy my curiosity. If you don’t mind, thank you kindly.
The problem seems to be lack of engagement.
It’s not that women want an asshole, it’s just that the abrasive personality type stands out more and can be far more fun and interesting to be around. They feel more ‘alive’ as they are willing to take risks that could turn people off.
Playing it safe won’t work but neither will going to the extreme opposite as it will just come across as completely out of touch.
You need to find the middle ground where you are fun to be around yet still stable with a lot to offer.
This might sound weird but based on your comments on the thread I think you are too shy/reserved
Try to be more open! And you should seriously consider dance lessons it would help with the shyness and is a great place to meet girls
I used to be too shy to dance and it really sucks when a girl ask you to dance and you’re just awkwardly say no :-/ things are much better now that I’m not so shy
Show me a pic I don’t believe this.
Here’s the problem: You think some hot chick « should » be attracted to you — on paper you seem like a good package. But you must recognize that even being such a package no one cares about you and you don’t deserve anything. The fact that you are « typically » dating fat chicks suggests there is something « off » about you, if you are indeed such a great catch. Because frankly, if you had some good social standing there’d be good quality women showing you some interest.
So there is indeed something awry with your personality or your social life. However, it is a mistake to think you need to be some kind of « jerk » or « aloof prick. » You don’t need to be a jerk at all. You just need to be a civilized man who a woman sees as having the potential to be dangerous if necessary. Once you embody this, you should join a church.
First of all, acting like an ass hole (TRP) is a great way to have good women walk away from you. I liked ass holes when I was young and dumb. Now, if they’re an ass hole, I literally don’t find them attractive at all and will not give them the time of day.
Second, why are you pursuing women you aren’t attracted to? If you know how that ends and you have to work to get them to give you a chance, is that even worth it? You’re convincing a woman to open up her heart and body to you just to end things with her citing sexual chemistry. That’s a great way to fuck up any woman but especially those who are already probably struggling with body issues. Don’t do that shit to anyone. It’s not okay.
Here is what I think you SHOULD do. If what you’re saying is true, you have good qualities about you. The only thing you should put more effort into is being more social. How do you volunteer? Are there any cute girls there? Do you go to the gym? Regular coffee shop or cafe? Are you going out with friends? It doesn’t have to be to a bar or club. Are you on dating apps? How do you present yourself to the world and to potential partners? Do you know what you want in a woman and relationship? What kind of humor do you like? Are you using that in conversation? What are your interests and hobbies? Can you meet people that way? There are so many things that could be blocking you from connecting with women. Being an ass hole will just add to the damn problem.
Hate to break it to you, but you’re likely not nearly as attractive as you think you are.
You know, I’m a woman and I’ve been wondering the same thing lately.
I’m also 28 and also have a great career. I’m always told how attractive I am and guys, although attracted, never seem to be insterested in me.
Another similarity is that the guys I am not attracted to are the guys I end up dating. They are also usually overweight/out of shape and don’t have much going for them. It’s frustrating to know that although most guys find me attractive, many of them don’t want to date me. Many times the guys I find attractive always end up getting in relationships and tell me that the guy that ends up with me is lucky. When they say that, it makes me awful because I was single at the same time as them but they always choose someone else.
I know my comment might not snap you out of the red pill mentality but hopefully knowing that some women have similar struggles to you might help you not feel so left out.
1) Go to YouTube. 2) Search “Leykis 101”. 3) Listen and learn.
The problem with being a jerk to women you’re attracted to is…what exactly?
lol they are not the only ones. they are just noise. you hear people whinge about those guys because the good ones don’t get talked about.
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the RED pill people will talk about getting success but they are not finding long term relationships but just short flings before girl realizes how 2d they are and moves on.
Hey OP,
TRP is simply a toolset. The sadness is coming from a disconnect between what you’re seeing (reality) and what you think the world should be like (conditioning).
PM me if you want to talk further