Dating : Help me to get back in the dating game? (Male in his 30s)
So, I have not been out with a girl for close to 10 years. Yes, for real. I will give you some background to explain this, saving you the troubble of asking why I am that stupid. Back in another time, I had a great relationship. And I was very, I mean very, surprised when she one day told me that she was seeing someone else, she loved him very much and more or less thanks, but I’m moving on. She was not as cold as it may seem, as she actually was ashamed about all of this. Years later she was i therapy and contacted my with apologies. Did I do something worng? Sure I did. I was already a work-o-holic and she must have had a hard time about that. But she also hade her bagage of a very nasty childhood and some abuse in her past to deal with, so I do not blame her.After this I started to focus on my work. Life also made me, things happened and time went by. After some years, my mother got very ill and I had to deal with holding her hand while she slowly died, at the same time working full time in management positions and living in a house (tons of work).
Now, my mother has been dead a while, I try to work less and looking to get back out into the dating world. I notice one thing though. I do not know shit about dating anymore! It is like a language you learned back i school and have not used for years. You remember fragments, but useing it in a context is out of the question. Also, it seems like the process of dating changed over the years. I dated back in the day when we had no Tinder, almost no smartphones and so on. So, could you give me the summary for « dating 101 »? What to do?
Male, mid 40s here. Almost identical situation as yours (family medical problems, much time spent being a caretaker/chore master).
Same rules apply as before. Your social circle is your best bet. You’ll get the best vetted matches and the most chances. But it’s hard (massive investment in time/etc). Expand your social circle anyway you can (I suggest Meetup groups), and stretch your social muscles. This experience will prove invaluable in getting dates and « interviewing » well during the dating process.
Supplement your offline experience with some online experience. Online dating offers a much smaller likelihood of success (I’ve been doing it for 10 years and haven’t gotten a single in person date yet), but it can be consumed on your schedule (as little or as much work as you are able to supply). It helps to broaden your chances (like casting additional cheap lines/lures while you fish), and you might learn some interesting/useful information at the same time.
There’s nothing wrong with not dating for a while, no matter the context. You’re self worth doesn’t revolve around your dating life, or who you’re sleeping with. Before you jump into the fray, ask yourself if you love yourself enough to give that person to someone else.
I actually do recommend online dating. But don’t be too picky. And yes it might still be somewhat difficult to find someone to go on a date with, but try it. Go on a date with anyone. Talking, meeting strangers, learning more about yourself in dating takes time and practice. So just go out with people if you get the chance from online dating. I just got back into dating too and going out with people I’m not really even attracted to has allowed me to practice talking with people and practice chatting through the apps, because honestly that’s kind of difficult and weird since you don’t know the person. Usually I chat for about a week and a half to two weeks about every other day I’ll message back if they message me. Then I ask to meet them in person for a drink. I keep the first date to a drink to allow yourself an escape if u need or you can always add more drinks or maybe even food if things are going well.
Try to be sure of yourself and know what you want. You will get discouraged through the dating process. That’s ok. Just keep at it. Take breaks when needed.
Go out with friends, keep a good social circle. Try new things! There’s a r/datingoverthirty you can learn a few things from. But also take everything with a grain of salt
Good luck.
I (43M) recommend IRLD (In Real Life Dating). The reason why is that you remember what it was like to date before dating apps, social media, etc. A lot of the women you might potentially match up with, if they are your age and older, will also remember this. So they will be more receptive.
I say this because I am dating my massage therapist. Was chatting her up while getting a massage, making her laugh, made her feel comfortable. Second session, she essentially asked me out. I never lost the « game » that you had to have before the Internet to meet people in real life. I would never waste my time with OLD because I know I am not a good candidate (perfect specimen) nor do I want to waste time « swiping. » My 22-year old, of course, swears by it. In the end, we both get the same result.
However, I have heard that many say websites like E-Harmony are good for serious-minded (and older people) looking for real relationships.
I can relate. I’m a 28F and my mom passed away 5 yrs ago now (during that time I was also at a job that drained the life out of me). I spent those 5 yrs very depressed as well as dealing with a lot of anxiety from work. I didn’t care at all about dating or anything. I felt like I was “stuck” doing the same thing every day and I finally decided to make a change.
I quit my job at the end of last year, took a new job in a neighboring state and moved earlier this year. I started eating better and going to the gym regularly (I had gained a good amount of weight in those 5 yrs), and my mental health is so much better now!
But at 28yrs old, I have to agree that getting back into the dating game is difficult. I joined a dating app as I don’t know anyone in this area, so I don’t really have friends, and also work with mostly middle-aged and older people. I’ve had a few dates but so far, nothing substantial.
Sorry, I suppose that wasn’t necessarily helpful lol. I guess I just wanted to let you know that you’re not alone! And quite personally I do feel that online dating is probably my best bet, because I also don’t frequent bars or anywhere very social as I don’t like going to those sort of places alone (especially being female). Good luck to you!
Baggage? As in kids? Yeah, dating a single mother is a mistake.
If you are not 8+ in looks you won’t get a good date no matter how much you pay these apps online. Find one locally.