Dating : How am I(22m) not supposed to put women on a pedestal if they effectively are on a pedestal?
The advice, “never put a woman on a pedestal” gets thrown around like confetti to young men such as myself who struggle to date, but let’s be honest. Women effectively are on a pedestal. I’m not trying to make a “waaah I hate women” post, I’m just asking a question.
When it comes to dati and marriage, women are effectively on a pedestal. Let’s think about it. First men are the pursuers right? We have to ask out a woman, undergo rejection waaay more than women do, we pay for most of the first dates, we have to do the majority of the impressing and put on a show to keep a woman’s attention. Most women have tons of options when it comes to men. Finding a man takes an iPhone, getting a girl is like winning the lottery with a ticket you found on the street. If I don’t impress it’s as easy as moving her thumb to their right if she wants someone new.
I have to undergo another pallet of rejections for the chance to impress a woman. Men pay for the first few dates, get gifts, plan, drive, men do 95% of the work courting. All the magic that happens during the early stages of dating is because the guy makes it happen. And then remember while a guy is doing this, 5 other guys are also doing it while 80 other guys are fighting for the chance to do it.
And little changes during a relationship. That’s why the most common valentines gift for men is lingerie while for women it’s jewelry. And STILL while you’re dating you have so many guys waiting in the wings to take your place when you inevitably slip up.
Now I didn’t make this post to say dating as a woman is easy. I do not envy having to worry if my date will kill me because I didn’t fuck them on the first date or if I’ll get pregnant if I do have sex. But I don’t see how women aren’t naturally on a pedestal already. Like if I try not putting her on a pedestal she has an army of guys that will.
So how am I not supposed to put her on a pedestal, when society dictates that she is?
If you’re doing all this, then you’re failing. Why always pay? Why always drive? Why always buy gifts? A man that has options isn’t going to act the same as a desperate man struggling to hold the one option he found. You don’t think they pick up on this? This kind of behavior is going to lead you into a relationship style where she rules the roost and you have to ask permission to do literally everything, and that’s IF she hangs around at all. Stop groveling at her feet and treat her like an equal if you want a relationship of equals. Demand as much respect as you give. Say no firmly when you don’t want something, and respect when she does the same.
So yeah, let’s assume they are.
Now what? Maybe things people say aren’t always true.
Society f do he’s not put women on a pedestal, I wish I lived in your reality.
And like you said dating is also hard for women so just try to be chill and have fun, you really don’t have to put anyone on a pedestal to date
It’s called fake it till you make it, my friend. Everything you said about the dichotomy between men and women in the dating world is true. Unless a man is in the top percentile of wealth/popularity and/or looks, he’s going to have a significantly harder time compared to his female counterpart. This is where you have to fake it till you make it – even though women are far more socially cherished and valuable, you still need behave as if you’re just hanging out with an equal. Over time it will become more natural, in the beginning it is trial and error. It sounds weird to apply practice to social situations/dating, but through more exposure you get better at it. This is really the only way to handle it. The alternative is going down the dark path of bitterness and hate, *blaming* women for how hard you have it comparatively. There’s nothing positive or fulfilling down that road. Good luck.