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Dating : How do I (18F) explain to my parents (50s M/F) about a first date (19M) from Tinder?

Dating : How do I (18F) explain to my parents (50s M/F) about a first date (19M) from Tinder?


Throwaway account because I don’t want to post this on my main.

I hit it off with someone from Tinder last week. We decided to have a first date and originally planned for a walk downtown or a coffee shop, but we ended up cuddling on the couch for almost the whole evening. To clarify, we didn’t have any sexual intentions. We kept it at cuddling and nothing more (we kept all of our clothes on and everything like that). Let’s call my date “David.”

My sister (26F) called to see if I was home because she wanted to walk her dogs over to play with mine. I told her I was home, but I didn’t mention that a guy was over. Her husband (30M) comes, doesn’t mention anything wrong about him over. While we went outside to see the dogs, my brother-in-law looks in David’s wallet on the counter to find out the guy I had over has a kid. He never mentions any of this to me, but he calls my sister, who then calls my mom, and who then calls my dad.

A bit of time passes and David and I cuddle on the couch after my brother-in-law leaves. We didn’t do anything sexual. The farthest that we morally went was just holding each other tightly and he kissed my head and forehead. We didn’t do any mouth-mouth kissing, so there was no room for something like French kissing.

My mom is out of town with her boyfriend (my parents are divorced), but she calls my dad because she finds out someone is over from my sister and her husband. My dad comes to the house and sees we’re cuddled up on the couch, makes me call my mom, tells David to leave after the phone conversation, and then tells me to get a pillow and blanket because I need to spend the night at my dad’s house. It was a standard parent response.

My parents asked me how I met him given he lives an hour away. I was honest and told them I met him online. I didn’t specify it was through Tinder yet. They also found out he has a 1-year-old kid. The kid lives with David’s ex’s parents in another state about half a day away.

My parents are super upset with me, and rightfully so given that I didn’t ask for David to come over. Although I’m not a parent, if I put myself in my parents’ shoes, I understand their reasoning to be upset.

Although they’re rightfully upset that someone came over without permission (I know, I should’ve asked and I definitely will next time as well as having him meet my parents), they think David only wanted sex out of tonight because he has a kid. David and I specifically talked about boundaries before we met up and we agreed to keep things non-sexual until we’re ready in the future if we pursue a relationship.

My parents are also extremely upset that I met someone online for the same reasons as above—mostly safety reasons. I know it’s not smart to meet everyone online, but we texted back and forth and called a few times before we met in person and I knew he wasn’t harmful. He wasn’t harmful in person.

My mom comes home either Saturday or Sunday night. My dad was already furious with me, and I know her reaction is only going to be worse. Would it be a good idea to give her David’s number to call him, or just wait until we see each other again and they can meet in person in a week or so? How can I explain to her what happened without it sounding like I was meeting someone for a hookup? I know my parents are rightfully upset with me, but I want to diffuse this situation as best as I can.

TL;DR: I had a first date come over to my house and we planned to go on a walk downtown or a local coffee shop. We got pretty comfy together and instead, we cuddled on the couch. Nothing got sexual. Sister calls to see if I’m home so she can walk her dogs over, I say yes and don’t mention the date, and she sends her husband who peeks into my date’s wallet while we’re outside and finds a picture of my date’s child. He calls my sister, my sister calls my mom, my mom calls my dad, and he comes by and makes him leave and I spent the night at my dad’s house. My whole family is very upset with me.

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  1. My parents weren’t happy with me When I met my first online friend or whatever, but I had known him for 4 years before we met and he lived in another country but moved over here. After that why off without a hitch they still got a bit awkward with him meeting new people online, but know I’m an adult now and it’s my choice.

    I’ve met…5? People from online sites/games and not one of them has been awkward.

    I’ve met four girls, one I dated for a week and broke up with as it wasn’t going to work, second I was with for a month, she lived across the country and came over to mine and vice Versa, but once again, wasn’t going to work, we met on league of legends (seriously, I even lost my virginity to her, regret it but nvm) . The other I just met up with for a hang out session and we found we just weren’t compatible at all so didn’t speak again.

    Most recent was a girl I was into but became my best friend very quickly and now we’re inseparable, we met on tinder and my parents know about that, hers don’t though.

    It’s best just being honest.

    Just say that you’re finding it difficult to find people and many people these days meet via online dating because they do. Not every guy is out for sex, I’m not That’s for sure.

    You’re an adult now and they’re treating you like a teenager. Mine still do but after meeting a couple of people and travelling across the country on my own, they just learnt to accept it (much to my fathers dismay)

  2. I have said before (and I know this isn’t the best) … that the man messaged me on Facebook and we had mutual friends (even 1 or 2 is fine).

    I’ve told that to my parents about someone I met from a dating app.

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