Dating : How do I bring this up?
I (F24) started my relationship with someone (M23) I like a lot and feel like we are on the same wavelength and he is really caring and funny. Honestly, I’ve never felt this way about someone and nobody treated me this nicely before. However, recently he brought up Israel-Palestine conflict where I think we’ll disagree with each other (but I didn’t say much on where I stand). Because of his background, this is really important to him, so I want him to be comfortable being himself around me. On the other hand, my personal political views are really important to me, so I’m not sure how to bring this up in a way that we would hear each other despite disagreeing. How do you talk with your significant others if you disagree politically? This is my first serious relationship and I don’t want to lose this person from my life but I also want to be firm in my convictions.
Sometimes some things are better off unsaid. The reason is because some people are fanatical about certain subjects and they can’t or won’t see another point of view. You can try to talk to him and see what happens. Nothing wrong with being firm in your convictions but always pick the fights your willing to die for.
I think you’re over thinking this. I know that contentious political issues can form an important rail in your personal identity but you’re letting complex middle eastern geopolitics interfere with what you think is an otherwise good relationship. You’re allowed to have dealbreakers and define them however you like, but I’d suggest you try and explore the topic together in good faith before you start looking for the exit. It helps to enter conversations like that not with the intention of changing anyone’s mind, but with understanding and empathy as your goal.
People are complex and I doubt you’ll ever find someone who shares all of your opinions, so you have so decide which opinions are beyond the pale for you. Is this one of them?
I don’t think y’all should be discussing it. It may be more personal to him than to you as you mentioned and will definitely cause a rift. If someone tried to give me the outsider point of view on something personal and it came off idealistic while negating my personal experiences it would kill the relationship for me.
If you’re worried that your politics will break the relationship, you have two choices. 1. don’t bring up your viewpoint and ask him to never do the same again. If that’s a deal breaker with an otherwise harmonious relationship, then eliminate the problem. 2. Think about moving on.yes I know it’s harsh, but either you find someone you can be politically harmonious with, or you leave politics out of the relationship.
I can’t date someone that I disagree with majorly on politics. It’s usually an indicator of other value differences that I can’t get around. Lots of people seem to be ok with not ever talking about these things with or around their partner, but each time I’ve been in a relationship like that I can’t stand to keep it bottled up, its stressful and I felt like I couldn’t be myself.
I think this is one of those situations where you have to agree to disagree. If he’s very passionate about it; just let him speak and say you understand. But try not let politics become the focal point of your conversations because it can ruin everything. It’s not worth arguing over to risk losing a partner. If he’s mature and caring enough like you say he is; he’ll understand.
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May I just say your flair is wrong and it’s really bothering me.
Some things are best left unsaid. However, if this is indicative of fundamental value differences, it’s best to re evaluate the relationship. While you may be personably compatible, you need similar values if he relations ship will hold any weight for the long run. You can’t ignore that, it will only ruin your relationship down the road. Trust me how I know.
It depends on yours and his deal breakers. I could never date someone who is pro life for example or who thinks the kkk are just misunderstood, but I don’t care if we disagree on the tax percentage on importing titanium.
It comes down to your values. What is important to you? What changes do you want to see in the world? What pisses you off when watching the news?
Talk to him. Communicate.
Either put the extra effort to discuss and confront your differences head on NOW, or prepare to post on r/relationship_advice, over how you can’t stand the guy in a few years
My husband and I are on opposites when it comes to our political views. We each voted had our own votes for the 2020 presidential election, and neither were the same. He asked who I voted for, I told him, clarified he was the opposite party, and that was the end of the discussion. I know the Israel/ Palestine conflict is a huge thing politically, but I also know it’s hard for either side to see the others point of view. (I’m Jewish and have been to Israel numerous times, pre 9/11 included. My husband and I chose not to talk about politics for the most part, and it works.
Unless you both live in the region your shouldn’t even waste time thinking about it.
He may have brought up this topic to gauge your response and see if there is a worldview incompatibility in your fledgling relationship. For many, and perhaps even by technical definition, the Israel-Palestine conflict could be considered an on-going humanitarian crisis. Google gave me this definition of “humanitarian”: concerned with or seeking to promote human welfare.
If my partner and I disagreed about recognizing or not recognizing a geopolitical situation as a humanitarian concern, then what he and I would really be disagreeing on are fundamental human rights and basic decency. This kind of disagreement belies a key ethical and moral disconnect between partners.
I want to be with someone who shares a similar ethical and moral compass. I would say that he brought up this topic, because it is very important to him and may help him determine whether or not he would like to continue the relationship.
Even if the two of you do not discuss this topic again, which I doubt, he will probably bring up a different topic to gauge your views against his own. You may even find yourself doing this from time to time. It’s called getting to know someone, and in doing so, you may uncover incompatibilities or “deal-breakers”: everyone is allowed to have them and set them where they see fit.
Here is my hot take that may rustle some feathers. The Israel/Palestine conflict is not nearly important enough/impactful enough to your direct day to day lives to where it should come between your relationship. *Compared to other hot button « close to home » issues like abortion or women’s rights.*
Additionally the Israel/Palestine conflict is very grey (with both side having a long history of committing human rights violations, some more than others) so to say outright one side is in the right and one side is in the wrong would, IMO, be doing so in bad faith.
Finally the only exception I would have to this is if he was Palestinian or Israeli and literally had close family members living in those areas.
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It seems like the majority of opinions here are along the lines of “don’t let your politics into your relationship” and I strongly disagree.
Politics are important, especially now in this day and age. Many of the people here, who lack any moral convictions, would like to convince you that the politician/policy you support is completely divorced from any material reality. That is not the case. These things matter and are, in my experience, highly reflective of personal values that will absolutely come up in long term relationships.
At the very least, constantly avoiding political topics because you are afraid of starting an argument it going to get exhausting. I’ve learned this from experience.
There are plenty fish in the sea. Life is too short to be dating a Zionist.
For a lot of couples politics doesn’t come up very often.
Once you know where each other stands you can agree to disagree while focusing on you two. You don’t have to be on the same page about everything. That’s what makes you individuals. If likeminded political sympathies are a « must have » for either of you then move on. Surly you have a lot of other things to talk about.
Sometimes people create issues which have nothing to do with their day to day lives.
The next time the issue is raised by him or organically is a news item you can discuss it. I wouldn’t simply bring it up in the middle of having a fun date.
Best wishes!
Some people are saying to ignore it, but personally, if you intend on seeing him long-term, I would not because Israel and Palestine will most likely continue fighting. My Israeli friend tells me they have wars about every 2 years. So the problem may not go away anytime soon and you don’t want this to hang over your head and build resent for his views till it does end.
Conflict and war are tough. I was born during a war, bombs going off and all. It really strains relations for multiple generations against the opposing sides. He’s probably grown up around certain views and allegiances.
The best thing you can do is give him your attention and unbias listening. Try to see it from his point of view. Then, with care, explain your view. Keep calm throughout this. Avoid saying things like « the way you see it is wrong/inaccurate. » Remember, it’ll be more personal because of his heritage (you’ll be a bit of an outsider explaining your views on a nation you have no connection to). Make it clear you understand why he might feel some of the ways he feels (if you do). All you two can really do is show respect by letting the other speak and share their views, uninterrupted and without judgment. You don’t have to ultimately agree. You’ll just need to know how important your views are and if you two disagreeing is a dealbreaker.
Just leave the subject alone
You have to acknowledge and accept that you are different people and have your own individuality. You will inevitably find something that you don’t agree on so you can discuss it and agree to disagree. Maybe you’ll even learn something from each other, not immediately, but will give you something to reflect on and maybe find flaws in your own thinking.
Political views more often than not stem from who you are as a person, not opposite, so I would be sceptical of your compatibility as a whole if they are inflexible with their views.
I would say the major problems would probably be apparent when you start to see their moral and ethics in their daily life, what their personality is like and how stubborn/flexible, open/private, curious/closed minded etc they are with the small issues too.
It can lead to some serious incompatibility issues when the basic opinions of just.. *how you should treat humans* aren’t the same.
Life is like a two sided coin, you have people with their beliefs on their side of the coin, and others with their beliefs on the other side. But in the end it’s the same coin, and the best thing to do is to peer on both sides of the coin and ride its edge so that you both can see where the two sides come from.
I don’t think it is an issue as long as the two of you can respect where the other is coming from. (not excuses like ‘he was raised that way’ but true understanding of the reasons they express)
If you want to talk about it to gain that understanding, just refer to that conversation and pick it up from there. And remember that having a side isn’t a conviction, it is the values that inform your position that make for the conviction. You are probably closer regarding those values than you might think based on being on different sides. Seeing whether you two have the same values is a very healthy conversation to have and are easier to understand than sides in a conflict.
There is a reason why you see if you voted for X swipe left on dating apps. People don’t want to bother with politics or argumentative people. It filters it out for you, there was a woman (on this sub I believe) who posted about her date trying to sneak in that he’s a Trump supporter because her profile stated exactly that. Obviously that is a red flag but by not being direct with his political allegiances it raises another red flag. I’d cut ties IMO.
Ths ssues with that conflict is so complex, it’s not worth even discussing with your partner. But in regards to general politics, I think it’s a good idea to know where your partner stands, but if you disagree a ton, it’s not worth going into detail about. Shit, even if you are similarly placed on the political spectrum, politics are so on edge right now, that even a slight disagreement can blow people up.
You’re allowed to disagree on things. Your political views don’t have to match.
Arguments/debates are not fights as long as neither resort to personal attacks like your stupid.. Etc.. Cause they no longer have a rebuttal.
I think just being open with your views and having enough empathy to understand the opposing views would just make the bond stronger.
For example I understand people’s ideals and thought process behind voting Biden and hating Trump. Do I agree with them? On a incredibly macro surface level yes, cause it comes from thinking of good. In reality Trump is an epic troll and not a politician but everything he did in actual office was for the American people, the stuff not in the media.
People’s views come from a good place generally not from bad intentions, unless they are just emotionally driven.
I think your core values, morals, thoughts on kids, pets… Etc… Are more important and stronger indicators.
Break up as this won’t work especially as something as the Palestine conflict
>recently he brought up Israel-Palestine conflict where I think we’ll disagree with each other (but I didn’t say much on where I stand). Because of his background, this is really important to him, so I want him to be comfortable being himself around me.
Lol, this is straight up projection. If anything, *HE* was the one that was comfortable being himself while you hid in your shell. Let this guy go and stop wasting both of your time.
Or find some more depth in your life, because politics being a deal breaker (OK, if you’re a Hitler apologist I might understand) you need to find some hobbies or something that will actually connect you to people. Politics divides, by design. Don’t like it divide an otherwise good relationship with someone that you might never come across again. I would pursue this and, if you truly are passionate about it, agree to disagree with him but talk to him about it in good faith. Find out why he thinks the way he does, what has helped him shape his opinion, why yours differs, etc. But at the end of the day, it’s merely a difference of opinion considering I don’t think he is actually involved in any way in the Isreal/Palestine conflict.
It’s funny that people think that even on issues as that we couldn’t disagree and still coexist or have adult conversations about things. If it’s not about pedophilia or doing hard ass drugs we don’t necessarily have to share the same opinion
As a Christian I support Israel, if someone I was interested in didn’t support Israel I would try to persuade them to support Israel, but if that didn’t work, and if I found out they supported democrats, and didn’t like Trump, I would look for someone I could get along with better. Life is too short for arguments.