Dating : How do I make it clear to women I meet that I’m not just trying to get in their pants?
A lot of times right from the start, it really seems like they assume that’s all I want.
in Dating
A lot of times right from the start, it really seems like they assume that’s all I want.
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Don’t mention sex at all
I didn’t read the other answers.
I do assume that too because unfortunately most guys you meet do want that…
I’m dating someone atm who’s the first person in a year that actually doesn’t only want to get in my pants and all j can say is that: don’t mention sex *at all*. Don’t compliment her on only phsycial things. Take her out on dates that don’t only involve getting drinks. Don’t try to sleep with her on the (at least) first three dates. (edit: putting it off for too long could come off as if you’re not interested in her in more than being friends which is also not good, it’s a balancing act, I know. But whatever you do, don’t pressure her and reassure her that it won’t put you off from pursuing her if she wants to wait a bit longer than what is usual (if you’re comfortable with her pace)) Actually tell her that you’re looking for something serious.
She’ll still be sceptical but these are good pointers I think. And basically… Stick around. And once you do get to sleep with her – text or call her the next day. Not like at 7 am or as soon as she leaves but give her some sign that you’re not gonna ghost her.
I can only imagine how tough it must be being in your situation but please try to be understanding. Most girls will have a lot of experience with Fuckboys and it’s hard to shake that off.
As a woman, I have no problem being approached by men, I don’t immediately assume they want sex, it’s the vibe they give me. Often you can tell they’re after sex if they are trying to big note themselves or be dominant in the conversation. If you do genuinely just want a conversation be more of a listener, less in your head about the situation and treat her as if you’d treat a guy!
So, I think the most important thing you can do is simply state that you are not looking for just sex. Your actions/behaviours and words should line up, as well. I think when people are upfront about their intentions, it makes things easier. I get that a lot of women are weary of men just wanting sex (myself included) but body language, actions, and the simple act of stating what you are about/expect helps a lot.
The reason a lot of ladies are suspicious is that 9/10 guys are actually just trying to get in their pants. Source; I’m a wahmen.
When sex get mentioned early on: red flag. Also trying to get the first date to be at one of your houses: red flag.
Explicitly mentioning you’re not trying to get in their pants works the oppossite way, so be aware.
I get that it’s hard, but as I said it’s 9/10 guys man. Girls are always checking the flags.
Just offer to grab a cup of coffee on a first date and try not to compliment their looks but other things like personality traits, hobby’s, etc. You’ll get much further.
It’s not just you. They assume that with all guys. Hence why a lot of girls will say, « you just want to have sex with me! » It’s a test to see if you’ll say, « no! Not me! I don’t want only sex! » How many times do you think girls hear that response? Too many to count. That’s not what they actually want to hear. So why not flip it around and be like, « yes, of course I do, look how hot you are! » Much better response, and girls will be much more attracted
Women are strange. If you ever tell them you don’t *just* want sex they’ll immediately think you’re being dishonest and distrustful. Women want an honest man, someone that’s intellectually and sexually confident. You almost have to imply that you want to have sex with them to gain their trust, but do it tastefully.
Bruv there’s no science to it. Just be pleasant and engaging in conversation, they’ll get the hint soon enough. Obv don’t sleaze on them or touch them in any way before you’re sure they’re up for it. Pay innocent compliments, that’s the opposite of ‘I wanna stick it to you’
Well how the fuck can you blame them when 99% of the men that say that actually *do* want to get in their pants. Also, if you meet an attractive women and you had a chance to hookup with them, surely you would right? So in fact you do want to get in their pants…perhaps that is not your intention, but you still desire it (unless you are asexual).
Also, how do you know they assume that, do they tell you? Do you read their mind?
The thing that’s baffling is that women are always signaling for sex. Have you ever noticed, even on a place like reddit, how many subs there are with posts from women who are showing themselves off?
Almost all strippers are female.
Almost all prostitutes are female.
Almost all subs about showing off the body are women showing off, and are meant for women showing off.
Most magazines, tv shows, or movies about sex depict female body showing over male.
Almost all porn stars are female.
As a man, I am inundated with depictions of nude females BY females. These aren’t photographs, gifs, and videos of women taken by and posted by men, they are shared by women.
I receive nudes frequently from OLD, contrary to the theme that it’s men that are inundating women with dick picks. I have received nudes when not requesting them, from women who claim to be interested in long-term, monogamous relationships, many of which are also mothers, who claim they’re not that kind of girl.
I have had women tell me they only want a relationship and not just sex who have slept with me on a first date, some times even after specifically telling me they either don’t have sex on a first date, or that there is no chance I am going to get « lucky » on the first date.
I have had women tell me they don’t want fwb, only to become my fwb after that first date (this has happened more times than I can look back and count now). I have been sexually assalted by a woman who wouldn’t stop when I said no multiple times. I have been lied to by women who apparently only wanted sex. I never send dick picks, and I don’t have any male friends that I know of who send dick picks, but I have probably been sent nudes by every single female friend I have.
I have dated probably around 60 or so women in the past 2 years and I feel like I have learned a lot anecdotally, and one thing I seem to see is that female sexuality is ALL about her sex. Presenting the female to the male seems to be exactly what the female sexual paradigm is about. The, « look at how attractive this is, male, do you want it? I will let you mate with me if you’re worthy » seems to be exactly what’s going on, but women also seem to want to feel as if the men they are selecting will stick around–which I think is an odd byproduct of their sexual selection mechanism, because they are more than happy to have sex with you if they are looking for a long-term relationship so long as you communicate that you are also looking for that, even if you both agree thst long-term won’t work with each other. Like I said, I am surprised by the number of girls that have wanted long-term who said no sex who became my fbw after a few dates, who never would have (I presume) had we not gone on a date and I had communicated that pristinely I want long-term too (which is true).
We seem to have this odd social idea that it’s men who are sexualizing women, but I don’t believe that. Look at all of the Instagram models, snapchat and other medium women who are showing themselves off. It’s not men, it’s the women themselves wanting to choose to do this.
This is why it’s called, « the game ». She is on display. Her makeup, clothes, hair, and skin–the time and production to look good are signals for sex. It is a big game, and men are players, and women are the GMs.
So to answer OP’s question? You talk to her and don’t bring up sex too much right off the bat. It isn’t tough. Getting sex is easy–getting love is hard unless you’re willing to settle.
don’t take it personally
it’s just that a lot of girls have heard a lot of stories or had that happen to them ir maybe they themselves had some past expirence similar to that (hence why the assumption)
just be patiant and she’ll see your true side
(Btw, sorry for any spelling error aaaand I hope this helps)
By not getting into their pants?
You can totally have dates and such without any physical contact, sexual flirting, etc
When you do that, if they assume you want in their pants, then that’s their issue and you can’t help that.
Now you keep saying they don’t tell you this, they just assume it.
But if they are not outright telling this to you, then I think it’s possible you are assuming that they assume this!
You are trying to get in their pants though
How are you meeting them?
Put ‘Looking for LTR’ or similar on your profile. Don’t suggest sex until you have had a handful of dates. Hope this helps
If women different women on the first couple interactions think you are a player then you need to calm down…. you come off as insincere with your words.
I’m NATURALLY a sweet talker. So when, i say sweet things to a woman – sometimes theyll tease me about being a player or maybe only wanting one thing…. but, I show the apprehensive women, through time. Yes, having you physically would be a joy, but i enjoy saying nice things to you. I like talking to you. Having good convos where sex and romance is never brought up.
Basically, just demonstrate that you are not there only for the physical. Calling them – a simple check-in, communicating you were thinking about them, a sweet lil text…. these are things I do.
and if I’m one on one with a woman I like and we both know what the vibe is, I’m not so quick to escalate and put my hands all on her.
« Just wants sex » is code for « I don’t want to have sex with him. » There’s nothing wrong with wanting to have sex. And with consent being a big deal, I have to bring it up before we do it
Can you give an example scenario where you felt like the girl assumed you wanted to have sex with her?
Don’t mention sex. Have a good and sensible conversation instead. Don’t make any move on the first date even if things get heated up.
Mention that you’re not trying to have sex (in a charming manner) when/if the conversation drifts towards flirting/anything sexual.
The alternative is to be upfront about it. Mention that it’s to avoid confusion if you think you need it
You can’t, if you say you aren’t trying to have sex, you’re lying, if you don’t mention it at all, you’re just not being forward. Literally impossibru
I’ve been burned quite a few times by guys who said this exact same thing. Just be real, you are trying to get in their pants.
People can and often change behavior after sex, it’s a very intimate and up close interaction that is probably happening far too soon nowadays than it should.
It might help to actually say outright, “I don’t know you well enough to have sex with you yet. And it’s a big deal to me.”
And mean it. Because talk is cheap.
Date and communicate regularly, keep comments about her beauty and appearance to a minimum. Admire her with your actions, and make it your business to reassure that you won’t ghost her after the sex, if it were to happen, if the topic comes up.
Keep yourself available as a sexual option and make it clear you’re not interested in “just friends”. Don’t accept it, either, if that is not what you’re looking for. Move on if she wants to friend zone you for not having sex with her.
Maintain your frame, and keep her sexuality out of it. Make it clear that sex is not what’s going to keep your attention, and let her feel safe enough with you to truly believe that. In time, she will take that off the table as a priority so you can actually get to know her.
Present yourself as the guy who is willing to run the marathon for her heart, and not as another number amongst the fuckboys out here that sprint to the bedroom. It’s already safe to assume that you could be yet another one, until your actions say otherwise.
I hope this helps you.
Don’t compliment them too much, it’s usually indicative you want to sleep with them. Honestly look up fuckboy starter packs and see if you match any of those descriptors.
Tell em.
Don’t talk about sex at all with them
What are you exactly doing that making them think this?. Usually, I think this when a guy, for example, would place his hand on a woman’s thigh way too close to their vagina. Or do any inappropriate body touching, I witness guys doing this to my friends and I had that as well. It literally screams you want to fuck us when we don’t want it. Or sexual comments or jokes my friend literally dated a guy would constantly joke about me doing something sexual to him. Like blowing him having sex with him etc I never met the dude but I didn’t like it one bit. Maybe you need to analyze what you truly doing and make changes. Ok I see your responses from my experience many guys would ignore the behaviour they do that make me think they are trying to get sex from me and don’t get it why I call them out or want nothing to do with after a while.