Dating : How do I turn this guy down??
Scroll a little bit for the main question at hand.
For some background:
I (25F) met up with a guy (29M) I met on tinder for coffee one night. It was completely spontaneous and I had a pretty good time. We talked for about 3 hours, and the coffee shop closed so we ended up strolling around downtown. We kissed goodnight and it was a good kiss. He texted me very shortly after the date and asked if it’s too soon to meet up for lunch the next day. I said no and agreed to lunch For some reason this second date was just not that much fun. It was boring to be honest. We got lunch, had some ice cream and just talked about nothing. When he kissed me goodbye I honestly didn’t feel anything. It also doesn’t really help that he has asked me to hang out every single day since and I’ve honestly been busy or had other plans. I now have another date with him tomorrow (4 days after second date) and I’m positive that I’m not feeling it. We haven’t been texting too much in between, it’s just been him asking me out and me saying that I’m busy. I agreed to this other date days ago, and he’s still asked me every day to meet up. It’s a little much for me.
So my question is this: Do I decline going on the date tomorrow entirely and let him know I’m not feeling it over text, OR do I go on the date and tell him in person?
My concern is that if I show up for the date that his hopes are already much higher in general. I don’t really want him to spend anymore money on me at all and then have me break it off right after, that’s just shitty. The other concern is if it’s considered callous to turn him down over text.
I don’t wanna ghost this guy because he seems to be a pretty nice person. I also just don’t wanna be a dick. Pls help. Thankssss
Guy sounds clingy to me to be honest about it. But you cannot expect ever time you meet someone for it to be super fun. Fun is subjective and based on that person and your views. You should have just told him to slow down and see what he says, if you talked to him for 3 hours and kissed him on the first date surely there something there. The issue is that you was not ready for a 2nd date that soon and forced yourself to go so the guy really had no chanced to on that date no matter what he did because you felt like it was too soon to be meeting again and instead of telling him this you went on ahead on the date.
Most people like to rush things out of fear that if they do not you will get bored and leave them. But in my opinion this a huge problem if a person feels like they have to entertain you to keep you around. The problem is the fact that you feel like he is rushing it and you are not speaking up and telling him how you feel in a nice way so this is why you are not feeling it anymore, which is fine, but he is not a mind reader and you should have spoke up about how you felt earlier on and established this boundary. You also need to ask yourself the question of are you ready for something serious or not? I agree that every day is too much but 5-7 days in between dates is normal. In your case, his hopes is going to be dash anyway no matter what you do or say.
I tell women that guys are not mind readers and being able to communicate effectively and be direct (in a nice way) is the way to go. When someone likes you they are going to want to spend time with you, it is up to you to monitor the amount of time you spend with this person, not get upset because if he did not want to spend with you, you would be upset about it as well.
Good luck!
Yeah I would not go. I always regret going on dates when I had minimal interest.
Sounds super clingy and like he’s rushing it. If you’re not feeling it then don’t go.
It’s hard to turn people down but you just need to be honest and tell him before the date. It’s not callous to do it that way since you’ve only been on two dates and have nothing invested. You can send him something along the lines of “I’ve enjoyed our time together and you seem like a great guy but I don’t feel like we connect.”
Don’t go if you’re not feeling it but please do message him and tell him why, or at the very least that up no longer want to go out on a date (a reason for not going is at your discretion).
I’ve been stood up a lot and honestly if a girl is just straight up best and says she’s not into it anymore, that’s the nice way to do things. Sitting there in a restaurant alone and messaging someone is just not a fun evening.
It’s not bad, to be honest. If anything like you said you’re saving him from spending more money and you having to feel guilty about that. It’s going to be hard, but at the same time it’s alright since it’s only been two dates. From my perspective, he does seem a bit needy and it’s understandable that you aren’t connecting since you literally saw each other a few hours apart. You can only talk about so much until you can become bored or unamused from it.
Either call him, or text nicely to say « Sorry, but I’ve really appreciated the time we’ve spent on the past few dates but I’m not feeling a connection between us anymore. » Then you can continue to say whether or not you wish to still be friends or hope that he finds someone else in the future.
Lol this happens to me (24F) all the time! Sometimes those spontaneous dates just feel electric.
1. I’ve broken things off with guys in person and it’s just sad, like kicking a puppy but they respect that I told them in person (I don’t believe them when they say this)
2. I text them “hey I’ve been thinking, and I just don’t think we’re that compatible, romantically. We can still be friends if you want since I think you’re cool.” And they never do and I don’t have to worry about it again. No use in wasting your time getting ready just to break up with someone. As long as you’re nice and sweet about it, it won’t be callous. And tbh it’s only been what two dates? You don’t exactly owe him any more of an explanation.
Yeah I was worried I’d regret it too. I’ll probably just text him and not go.
It definitely sucks either way but it sounds like I should just text him.
Yeah it’s almost like he’s more into being in a relationship than ME. It’s a little off putting.
How does a kiss go from good to bad in a matter of a date?
I think in this case honesty really is the best policy. You like him but you’re not feeling it and don’t want to lead anyone on.
Go on the date with an open mind. If date sucks, tell him he isn’t the one for you. Be honest and straightforward.
Thanks for insight on both situations!
Wow have you ever liked someone a little bit and when you got to know them a little bit more, you realize that you don’t? It’s really not that uncommon. I’ve also already mentioned that the second date was really boring. All we talked about was work which we already talked a lot about during that first date. I started to realize that I wasn’t really having that much fun and when we kissed again it was fine but there wasn’t a spark. Idk what you want from me here. I’m not going to continue to date a guy who I don’t really wanna have sex with and who’s feeling stronger about me than I am about him.
I didn’t think you meant it that way but I also felt compelled to say that it was t an option for me to just not show up lol. Thank you for your input!
Tell him you have a kid. He’ll leave skid marks.