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Dating : How do you find someone that has their act together and it isn’t just an act?

Dating : How do you find someone that has their act together and it isn’t just an act?


Sorry for the bad title, I do not know how to exactly word it.

Basically the last bunch of women that I’ve dated all ended up having some deep issues that come out a month or two into the relationship (sometimes later). It ranges anywhere from extreme dad/mom issues, severe depression and suicide attempts or romanticizing it, overly attention seeking to other guys, excuses to be mean (im just a straight forward person kind of thing), and so much more. I’ve always had the mentality that it doesn’t matter, I’ll be there to support them. But now I don’t care so much, I want to be selfish. I’ve put myself through enough stress and hell and it’s way to much work. Eventually it just becomes such a turn off and takes more away from the actual relationship. I work really hard to keep my life together and to be in a good place, I would like to find someone in a similar position. I just want a cute quiet girl that wears sun dresses and will garden and run with me damnit.

I understand everyone has something wrong with them and etc , but there are levels to this. I never had a problem before, but now that I’m back in the dating world things have been rough. Everyone seems to need to be taken care of.

What do you think?

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  1. Everyone has issues. You cant avoid that… but having issues is not the same as « needing taking care of. » My suggestion is that when the issues come out, talk about them and set boundaries up front. Let them know you’re available for a certain amount of emotional support (or whatever your thing is), just as you would be in any relationship, but if their needs for a partner as caretaker exceed those boundaries, there is nothing wrong with that but it is an essential incompatibility and it might not work out between you. Then go from there.

    Boundaries are extremely important in relationships (and friendships) with people who have « issues. » You can also ask for them to explain what they might need from you and then decide if that’s too much, although people don’t always know how to answer that question… at least it can get them thinking about actions.

    In my opinion and from my experience if you’re dating someone without baggage it means they’re not opening up to you.

  2. Time..simply time. And that sucks. My guy best friend has a theory that people can only keep up an act for about 6 months before things start to fall apart and i have found this to be very true

  3. Your gut feeling will be your best gauge on people while dating. Reflect back on how you felt with all the women who turned out to have emotional issues. Really get in your body and feel those feelings you had at the beginning of the relationship. That is your warning sign now. If you feel like that, it’s a red flag. Find someone who makes you feel Different from that. Time and practice will help you hone your senses.

    Keep working on your own life and finding your own happiness. Doing so has a tendency to attract people who are doing the same. The fact that you keep catching on with troubled women leads me to believe that there is something dark and unresolved in your psyche. You may want to talk to a therapist to investigate and shine a light on this personality quirk of yours.

  4. Dating apps specifically for wealthy people.

    Doesn’t exist for other classes, the rest of us are all struggling to keep our lives together while they profit off of our work and live however they want.

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