Dating : How do you not let rejection destroy your self confidence and worth?
So I’m just been doing a lot of introspection lately and one of the things I’ve realized is that I don’t let myself get outwardly rejected which has hindered me somewhat. It always has to either fall in my lap or the signs have to be really obvious.
I’m a sophomore in college and it kind of bugs me that I still haven’t really had a official gf. I’ve gone on a fair amount of dates, but I can never like seal the deal just because I don’t like being straightforward.
And my dilemma here is that I was thinking of dming this girl. I followed her originally a long time ago, she went to my high-school, and I was going to ask her if she wanted to smoke. I’ve always thought she was pretty cute but recently my friend told me she’s a freak, and I figure maybe that’d make her more inclined to smoke, being that she’s more open and what not. And for clarification she’s posted that she smokes weed, and she’s kind of a stoner chick so that’d be like an easy activity to do.
My only problem is that I’ve never talked to her and I’m kind of afraid of hearing a no since it’d kind of be a blow to my ego/self esteem. And then it’d be kind of embarrassing if she said no because she’d probably tell her friends and stuff.
I’d probably open up with something like “I know this is random af, but would you been down to smoke??” And then just take it from there.
I honestly expect a no since she’s dated different guys from me, and I feel like I’m probably not her “type” but I just figure fuck it. In the case that she does say no, how do I not let it define me, and make it an attack on who I am. Its almost like not getting rejected is just protecting myself while at the same time preserving my confidence. Any advice??
Ask her because it seems the mere question is tearing you up on the inside.
As for how you don’t let rejection affect your self esteem? No idea man. Whenever I got rejected I had to vent by playing some games and having some me time. I think you should view it though as “it’s nothing wrong with me. It just didn’t work out, and that happens.”
Just remember that when you take a shot in the dark, it’ll probably miss. But it’s still worth the try because it’s also possible you’ll make it.
treat it like the game it is and a way to make friends.
​
it’s easy to build things up so much in your head that you don’t actually enjoy the time just hanging out with someone.
You can’t let someone else’s actions define how you feel about yourself. Confidence is one of the most attractive things a person can have. And that is the thing you’re lacking. Why? Figure that part out and you’re winning. Then, when you decide to talk to her… her response won’t be such a blow to you because your entire self worth isn’t riding on the answer. You have to think of it from her perspective… a random guy sends her a DM wanting to meet up but hasn’t said a word before then? I’d question it. Even though you have good intentions. Maybe say hello to test the water before jumping completely in with the invite.
Ohh I dont. I just die alittle u side and put up walls
If she says no it’s like you’re just at the start of a movie and that girl is the side story before the whole plot happens. I mean you’ll meet someone even cooler and better than her and she’ll be into you and you won’t even think about the first girl.
Therapy
Also……..
If you must… before asking her out
.. have casual conversation with her……
stoners talk, play games, listen to music, etc………
So if you can’t bother to be around her more than 10 minutes, good chance yall gonna uncomfortable when you smoke together……
and step your social skills up… facts
Umm…….. okay. I have several goodies for you!
1. Rejection isn’t that scary. I talk to dozens of girls a week. A lot of them enjoy talking to me. I could ask a lot of them out. Someone « rejecting » you has little to do with *you*. It’s not like they see into your soul; they’re just reacting in the moment.
2. Kinda lame you haven’t had a girlfriend dude. I’m not here to blow sunshine – what the literal fuck. You need better social skills and to stop « worrying » about rejection. You get rejected – so what? Just make it up on bulk.
3. The smoker… I can tell you right now she might say yes – but this is a *very bad idea*! 1 because she won’t be interested in you: she’s more interested in herself. 2 because you don’t have the chops for this; you’ll fall deeply in love and she’ll be like ‘meh’. 3 you really need to work on your social skills and get some experience – party girls are NOT the kind you want to practice with hahaha
4. Don’t stalk women. You build up this fantasy in your head of who she thinks she is, in this case based of social media, and man you don’t even know this girl!!! It’s a lot easier to ask out girls you don’t know than some fantasy version of what you think she is instead of getting to know someone – the real way – from the jump. You’re going to be disappointed no matter if she says yes, sleeps with you, or hell even if you « date ». This is happening – there’s no way around it – and a lot of that is on ***you***.
So cut the bs, find your nutsack, ask girls out and stop being a wimp. Your self-worth isn’t tied to anyone but you – **period**. You’re so afraid of rejection – what the hell are you going to do if you actually get a date, an official girlfriend, start falling « in love »?? Baby steps bud. Ask another girl out. Then another. Then another. Right now your game is weak; it practically seeps from your skin. Step it up, get your ass out there, and bask in the glory that is rejection. Rejection makes perfection, cause we only fail when we try or because we failed to try. Ain’t nothing but a thang man. Go get ’em!