Dating : How Does One Maintain Trust In A Relationship?
I’m currently single but was cheated on once by my first girlfriend almost 6 years ago. We’d been officially dating for a few months and I had to find out through Facebook that she was seeing another guy behind my back. That discovery completely devastated me and sent me into an on-off 2 month depression episode.
I’ve been single every since, but I fear that when the time comes for my next relationship, I’m going to be one of those insecure, jealous boyfriends who suffocates my girlfriend and questions any and every guy friend she has. I don’t want to feel that way and I don’t want to be that way either. I think I’ve made enough peace with my past that I wouldn’t allow that unfortunate experience to mold me into an insufferable boyfriend, but I just can’t help but feel that I’ll end up that way.
Any tips/advice in advance on how to go about maintaining faith and trust in a relationship after a rocky past?
Have you ever been bitten by a dog?
It really sucks and it hurts.
It’s the kind of thing that can make you much more cautious around dogs and can even make you avoid them.
It turns out though that not all dogs bite and there are plenty of wonderful ones that would just love your attention.
It might take some time and exposure to them for you to regain trust but it will happen.
Just keep your eyes open to the signs that come along with that type of dog and only spend time with the friendly ones.
Sorry. What were we talking about?
So, after you get hurt a few times you realize it’s par for the course, people suck, they’re gonna do shitty things… Most people can’t share a life together, like 80% of us can’t coexist for life.
So, go into each relationship knowing there’s an expiration date on it, knowing that at some point she’s going to lose interest, or you will, or y’all will grow apart, or whatever. It completely takes the pressure off because you don’t have to worry about being hurt anymore.
When you know you’re not playing for keeps, it makes it a lot easier.
> How Does One Maintain Trust In A Relationship?
By being the man she wouldn’t cheat on.
Being cheated on sucks in a vicious way and feeling insecure about it is a pretty normal reaction. After all, you trusted the first person and it went sideways so why couldn’t/wouldn’t that happen again? It’s real easy to start seeing everyone as untrustworthy or wonder if you’ll ever be able to truly trust anyone ever again.
The good news is that this new woman isn’t the last one and you can judge her on her own merits. Your concerns are understandable but they have nothing to do with her until she gives you genuine cause for concern; cause that you can now recognize from experience and have spent more than enough time to not feel too fragile about (if you do then you need to concentrate on healing above anything else).
But I bet you’ll find that once you find a good match you’ll be too busy, excited, and enthusiastic to worry about it all that much. You’ll still have your insecurities and fears but just keep cool, put in the effort, and understand that that’s all you can do. It’s up to the other person to do the same and if they don’t then that’s on them, not you. All they’ve done is clear the way for somebody decent.
If you have to work to maintain trust then it’s probably not the right person for you.Sometimes you just know someone who goes on about guys’ looks and hotness will just be trouble.
You need clear boundaries and you need to be listening to your instincts. Those two things will go a long way to helping deal with a cheating partner.