Dating : How to deal with parents pressuring you to date?
I’m a 20 year old female I’ve never been a relationship, never had a first kiss, never been in the talking stage whatever. I have a lot of issues with my self-esteem and mental health that’s preventing me from putting myself out there. However my dad keeps nagging me every day to get a boyfriend already. He’s already planned myself and my siblings lives he said I should be married by 25 and be done having kids by 28-30. I don’t know what year he thinks this is but that type of goal is unrealistic in this day and age I mean young marriages do happen but I see a lot of people getting married at 28 and having kids older because of focusing on their career and getting financially stable. It doesn’t help either that my 18 year old sister already had one fling and is about to enter a serious relationship (my dad obviously doesn’t know this but if he finds out before I ever gotten into a relationship I don’t know what he’ll do). Does anyone have any advice? I’ve told my dad to leave me alone and I told my mom to talk to him but she’s saying how he’s right because it’ll be harder for me to date when I’m older which is true but whenever I tell them about my self-esteem issues they tell me it’s time to get over it. Don’t get me wrong I do want to be in a relationship but I’m in my own way from making it happen. I purposely avoid guys I don’t have any guy friends, i walk around with a resting b face so guys don’t approach me or if I catch a guy looking at me while we’re passing by I look away cause I don’t want to engage in anything.
not really sure I am getting what your asking. tell your parents you will date someone when you find someone worth it. straight cut it out than if they pressure just tell them its creepy how my own father is overly invested in my sex life.
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that should creep him out so much he runs away from the topic.
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now the confusing part for me. you would not mind dating someone but say you have self esteem issues though are actively hostile to anyone so you know they are not « real » because you acknowledge people show interest so why are you letting emotions you know are not real control you. what is the true fear that your hiding with this excuse.
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is it fear that they won’t like you or that you would open up and than get hurt. because I do not think the issue you have is self esteem but that is the excuse your mind settles on to avoid the real fear that makes you hostile to anyone getting close.
Tell them to fuck the fuck off. If they care about your happiness at all they won’t pressure you into anything, Especially dating. They can be there for help and guidance but you should let them know that pressuring you into dating ONLY makes things worse and makes you even less happy.
Sounds like you are still heavily dependent on your parents. You should just make a plan to be independent Asap and live life the way you want it. Not sure about how hard your predicament is but everyone’s gotta leave the nest eventually.
As for your avoidance with dudes, I think it’s probably your fathers fault you have anxiety around men since it seems like you are stressing about this. There’s a lot worse things in life than having your parents nag at you. But ultimately the only way to stop it is to plan on leaving and figuring it out on your own. It’s scary but heh everyone does it.
My family is similar but it’s more my grandparents. They’ve been pressuring me since I was 18 to get married even though I was focused on college. I’ve had average lasting relationships, but I’ve been single for about 3 years. I’m 28 now and either get asked if I’m a lesbian or they don’t bring it up at all. My cousins are now all 17-21 with two of them being in serious relationships so I think they’ve given up on me and moved on to them lol
Also I had planned on being married by now (28) and starting to have kids so I’ve given up on having that by 30. Now I’m okay with having kids in my 30s or adopting. I think I was set on that age to please my family and I don’t recommend doing that.
It sucks but you’ll be okay.
You just ignore it. My family thinks I’m gay because I haven’t had a relationship, but it isn’t really up to me. If men are going to play me, lead me on, and lie forever, how can I control that? I can’t. You can’t. You just ignore everyone, and if pressured say « I’m dating around, I’m picky, there’s a lot of average players too » and they’ll be quiet.