Dating : How to increase attractiveness as a Man? Serious answers please.
24M. I work out 7 days a week, am pretty toned and eat pretty healthily, low carbs. I work in fast food and work as a music instructor in the evenings. I have been getting out pretty regularely, I aim for once a week, whether through meetup or with a friend.
I use Tinder and have been using every social interaction as practice to improve my social skills and charisma. My confidence is okay, have been working to detach from outcomes and stay stoic, grounded and positive, but it’s not perfect yet.
There are other things, but that’s most of it. I can gladly answer any questions if you want me to expand.
What are some other things I can be doing to improve my attractiveness? Be honest. Cheers!
Humor is the sexiest thing on a man.
Take some days off in the gym
Honestly, a good sense of humour could really take you places. It’s a great ice breaker. Show what your line of thinking is like. Shows that you don’t take life too seriously. And most importantly – shows the other person that you can laugh at yourself and be vulnerable at the same time. Increases familiarity and makes them feel more comfortable whether it’s in a casual fling or a relationship.
It sounds like you’ve got lots of bases covered when it comes to you, which is great. So maybe the next step is to focus on how your dates feel. I’m attracted to guys who:
– I have fun with, and I swipe right on guys that seem like a date is going to be good, lighthearted fun, either because of their chat or they’ve got some good dates ideas (don’t need to be pricey dates)
– Seem genuinely interested in me – ask questions, listen to the answers, engage with the answers
– Clearly care about others; talk about their friends and family
Honestly, get out of fast food. I love you have a evening job that. Is music.
Personality, style, confidence, money, social circles, self care, etc. The list could go on forever. It’s all about how you package it all together and present yourself. Try not to overthink it. You may be doing many things right but just have a shitty Tinder bio. Take good photos! Good luck to you sir
Have a very solid understanding of boundaries both yours and others.
If you were seriously trying to date and not just sleep around, I would say to try to improve your job situation. I know it’s not exactly what you wanna hear but a lot of women judge men based on their jobs.
Don’t let dating apps fuck with your pride! Get out and meet a real girl, at least once and a while, even if not for any reason but to introduce yourself. You don’t need to get her number to make small talk. I promise.
I’d say in realms of things you can realistically change or develop: good hygiene (and you would not believe how common of an issue this is), being somewhat fashionable (you don’t have to follow Milan fashion week, but going a tad above shorts and old t-shirt will make you stand out, same goes for hair), having interesting hobbies (again, totally fine if you love just watching Netflix, but it’s cool to see a guy being passionate about something! cinematography, climbing, literature), and personally what I think is most important: realizing women are your equals and partners and treating them as such, which is incredibly hot.
What does your bio say?
You’ve got the basics pretty much covered. Grooming and style are the next thing. Find something that works and fits with you. If you can pull off the Tony Stark look then go for it, if not then find what works for you.
Then it’s just basic personality things which can all be summed up with: DON’T BE A NARCISSISTIC ASSHOLE!
And finally, hobbies. Women love when a man is passionate about something but if you can entirely be summed up as « a Gym Dude who plays music » it will get stale very quickly. If you’ve got something creative or something your intrest for the evening could take part in then make sure to mention that as well.
7 days a week? Body builders don’t even go that much. You need rest days my man. Online dating is beyond garbage for men so it should only be used supplementally to your social life. It’s great that your socializing because that’s an extremely important skill people don’t learn till it’s too late. Your making good progress I’d say you just need to keep putting yourself out there.
You already work out, good.
Take care of yourself and ur body. Meaning have a good haircut & take care of ur beard.
What does ur style look like? Clean or do you look like a bum?
Use perfume cause females love perfume.
Eat the right things.
Wear good & stylish shoes fitting ur outfit.
What does ur face look like? High cheek bones? What does ur chin look like?
Are you big & bulky or small & fit?
Women tend to love men who knows where they’re going in life, have a precise goal.
Two things are a powerful combination: confidence and positivity. Not arrogance and goofiness.
Confidence: no one is worthy of feeling better than anyone. You just need to feel good about yourself. You’ve got this. You are going to have it all and you are one or two steps away from being the person you’ve always wanted to be, and maybe other people want to be
Positivity: someone just told you a secret that will change the world but you can’t tell anyone. What does that do? It will put a grin on your face. Now combine that with cheerful hellos, and short positive interactions, with everyone you meet, and people will want to know what your secret is.
Lastly and most importantly. Be a nice person. Charitable and responsive. Never talk badly about anyone. I can’t tell you how many women think that men are « free-loaders ». Fix that out of the gate. At the very least, pay your way and if you can afford it, pay hers as well.
How do you groom yourself, have you figured out a style that you want to use regularly? What do you do for work?
Being kind and a good listener. Cannot tell you how many times I’ve gone on dates with men who have talked non-stop and asked me literally nothing about myself.
Focus on the other person, not yourself.
What are their values? What do they care about at their core? How do you match with them at that level? How? Let your character speak for itself on those matters.
Charisma and looks open the door to the relationship. Character and values keep it going.
Get a good haircut, have some style and talk with confidence
Well are you having issues attracting women or finding dates? Are you not getting matches in tinder?
SLOW DOWN! BREATHE! RELAX! Don’t overthink it, that’s the first step. Second step is to GET OFF OF THE DATING APPS unless all you’re looking for is a “hook up”. Believe it or not, women are MORE attracted to (as everyone mentioned) confidence and personality. An average guy with a great personality and confidence will outshine a smoking hot guy that’s a conceited asshole with zero personality and thinks that he’s God’s gift to women. If you want to make yourself MORE attractive just be YOU! The AUTHENTIC you, NOT what you THINK she wants. It’s not sustainable if it’s not authentic and it won’t end well. Strike up conversations with women that you come across (even if you’re not aiming to court them seriously) to build your confidence and get used to the flow and art of ACTUAL conversation. You can only convey so much (IF ANY) genuine emotion through text, DM’s etc.,. From an appearance standpoint, women also LOVE a guy with a nice smile/teeth AND GOOD HYGIENE! You should always look sharp, clean and well put together. Unfortunately, from a socioeconomic standpoint, you’re invisible to most women. Once you change current environment you’ll quickly see how your mind changes, your perspective on things, your social group, and just about EVERY facet of your life. All of which will do WONDERS for your confidence, increase your visibility/attractiveness and land you in social circles that you may have had a difficult time entering. You have to ask yourself “what do the women that I want-WANT?”. You have to be realistic with what someone wants and what you can actually provide/produce. You’d be surprised how many attractive women don’t get approached because guys often assume that she’s stuck up or involved with someone. With THAT being said, SHOOT your shot, you may be surprised with the results. Good luck, keep working on yourself and have fun!
Attractiveness is in the eye of the beholder my guy.what type of woman are you trying to be attractive to?
Keeping in mind that all I have to go on is the info you gave us, the only thing you mention that jumps out at me as problematic was that you work in fast food.
By itself this isn’t the biggest problem, but it will be a turnoff for most women. People around you are starting to expect « more » of you, and this will get worse as you get older. If you’re a manager that might help, or if you’re attending school and am doing fast food for the flexible hours, or something like that. Since you’re a musician though, maybe you can get a job related to that, either in event management or working at a music shop or something like that? (I realize those jobs aren’t crazy plentiful, but it’d be much more appealing than working in fast food)
The other thing that comes to mind is that most women don’t care about you working out. They care about how well you present yourself. Clothes, hair, facial hair, general grooming, skin, etc. You don’t mention anything about those things, but they are 10000000000000% the first thing people notice about you, male or female. So maybe there’s room for improvement there.
Empathy, character, personality, etc, are also very very important when it comes to bonding with someone and being appealing to them. Friendships, and relationships, are about the bond you develop with someone. Think about what makes you want to spend more time with someone or get to know them better – are you exhibiting those traits?
Talk less about the gym
Your current job makes you really unattractive as a potential date.
Girls like ambitious/successful guys and you should have a career not a job. No one wants to date a fast food worker, especially if you live in a HCOL/urban area with a lot of white collar professionals.
I see that you are into music and I am guessing you want to make a career out of it but I would try to keep that as a hobby unless you are REALLY talented.
Wear height increasing insoles/shoes
Maybe…ur already attractive because it sounds to me like everything an older girl with wife I don’t mean an old lady and I don’t mean I’m not disrespecting all these but I mean it’s just it’s maybe the girls in your age group because you sound like you’re riding there and I wouldn’t vera it’s pretty sexy to have a guy play music to a girl just keep going and you know what I would do stay off these one nighter I got to do as many girls as I can sites sorry but I’m addicted to read it This is more like therapy I don’t go into the other parts of it I could check it out but I’ll spend my time there and I just think later in life and regret it because it’s not how many I can tap that’s how many I can show myself to and then go find the right one
If you’re going for hookups it’s all a numbers game so just start going out every night or as much as you can. Even for an hour each day. Gotta be relentless like a salesman. Try getting to 10 percent body fat also, it’ll make your face more attractive as well. The more time you socialize the better confidence and experience you’ll have talking and tbh it’s probably gonna be the thing that fills in the gaps for you attraction wise. Gotta put in more hours and practice it like a skill. Just can’t let it take away from main goals, sometimes you just don’t have the time to waste.
i was in the same boat as you a while back, and i learned what increased my attractiveness was not worrying if someone else thought i looked good or if i seemed attractive and just got to where i thought i looked good (and friends can help with opinions on looks, thats fine)
so my advice is just dont worry about. i was just going through life at work, i do sales, helped probably one of the most attractive girls ive ever seen and had a great conversation… so i asked for her number (and was terrified while doing it), now not even a week later we are going out, but its because she thinks im amazing and really likes who i am, not who i try to be. she likes me because im different from everyone else.
other than that, dont be afraid of rejection, because 1/10 still means you got that 1. you will never hit the target if you dont shoot
I feel your pain homie. I’m still tryina get it and I have the sense of humor all these people are talkin about.
I’m a straight 16 year old dude, but man to man girls find the fact that I’m an auto detailer and a handyman (to a certain extent) attractive, so I agree with most of the folks saying to get out of fast food, it seems to me that girls tend to like men that are hardworking in trades or other skilled labor. Just a thought.
Approach random women this helps you especially if your an introvert and gives you more confidence and it will give you more options.tinder is an app where you dont get the women that you want.
For me hair!!!!
Whether you are looking to date or casually hookup increasing your emotional intelligence will help you in hugely in the long run. I am a girl and I know for a fact that while girls will appreciate that you workout and look after yourself, the science behind what women want in a partner is someone who listens and cares not someone who is highly focused on their appearance (and I’m not suggesting you are over confident or anything) I’m saying that if you look super toned and buff, girls often conclude “well if he’s so busy working on his appearance then he might not have time for me” and again I’m not saying you apply to this stereotype I’m just saying that is often what goes on in the mind of a girl when they see a guy that gyms a lot.
So emotional intelligence, what is it? If you don’t know it’s essentially the awareness and desire to acknowledge a person for how and why they do what they do. It’s picking up on the little things that will make all the difference to how a girl sees you and will increase how much she finds you attractive. If you want more information on this google emotional intelligence and dating there is heaps of good stuff on it.
On another note I know you seem like a busy person but why not pick up a hobby in between that could mean going to group classes and having fun and maybe meeting a girl, a few suggestions pottery, art (you might think ew these things are super feminine or what not but that is the point — women also appreciate someone who is masculine but is in touch with their emotions and doing an activity that wouldn’t be considered masculine will really make you stand out with the girls and they’d more than likely respect you for it than judging.)
I hope this makes sense but the main thing is stop doing things for the purpose of other people finding you attractive do it because you love it and people will respect you and you’ll find someone that loves you for it too.
No more than one spritz of cologne; always walk on the curb side when walking down a street together; your hand on her lower back to guide her in front of you when standing in lines; grab her hand when going through crowds; kiss her goodnight on the back of her hand; be honest about not wanting anything serious. Give good hugs.
Skincare
Just in case you haven’t already: work on body language and paralinguistics. Learn how to flirt (tease!). Learn conversation techniques to lead interesting conversations with people you don’t know anything about yet. Find a skill that you love and aim to master it, work rigorously at it. This could be making music and perhaps you’re already doing that.
Just word your fast good job well. You don’t need to be specific to get a girl interested.
Let’s say you flip burgers just say I work in a kitchen. If they persist « I flip burgers professionally » , you should see me toss a salad.
You’re not lying but you’re being creative and funny about it.
Work on humor, you could be fat and ugly of you make a girl laugh the panties come off. Just have fun, worst-case scenario you’re home jerking off anyways.
A good haircut, impeccable hygiene, good manners, clean hands and nails, leadership (on a date I look for a man who arrives first, has a table ready, etc.). Good posture!! Posture says everything about you that you don’t. Then clothing and shoes. Are they clean? Do they fit properly? Brand doesn’t matter, but clean, nice, pressed are huge.
Good hygiene and stylish grooming, fashionable clothing style for your age group can also help with confidence. Smile a lot. Check your posture. Practice eye contact.
My best advice would be to relax, which just comes with practice. When someone seems relaxed and comfortable in social settings and seem like they’re having a good time it’s basically magnetic.
1) Be attractive
2) Don’t be unattractive
smelling clean is attractive. as in good hygiene and maybe some light product. anything heavy does the opposite effect. bright teeth, clean nails.. women notice these things and look for them
The impression that I get from you is that you’re very intense and I’m wondering if you have more intensity than some people are comfortable accepting right away. I could be totally wrong, but if that’s the case, I would suggest focusing on dating frequently but keeping the dates brief until you start getting to know them. You sound like a genuinely great person, be cautious about not moving faster than the other is comfortable with, and I think good things will come your way!
Make sure you look approachable. A lot of men have a permanent scowl on their face and look super intimidating. I would never tell a man to smile because I hate it when people tell us to do that, but I wish you all smiled (edit: not smiles) more as a group. I know using an actor is a bad example, but Jason Statham always looks so angry in all his promotional work but when he smiles it lights up his whole face and he looks friendly.
Sounds like you have the physical component down pact. Keep it up! You’re still in the process of « leveling up ». It a lifestyle change that doesn’t really stop per say… You are just going to have to keep going and keep refining. A lot of it could be the types of girls you are aiming for and what is available in your location. If they see your employment or ask about it, that might be an off putting factor for them. They may see you as a risk or liability long term.
Of course, if you are going to school and they are aware, then that is a different story. Some may be willing to take a risk and build when you come across them, but a lot of women want a ready made guy these days. A lot of girls in your age bracket are dating older for better options as well. You need to keep on your purpose and build. You attract what you are, so that is why it important to get your value higher. It’s a process and takes time. Easy to get frustrated too.
Best thing is to keep active and keep busy to keep your mind off of it. Getting more active outdoors you meet people. Usually all kinds of groups and you can find stuff online. Get into some social events going on if stuff is opening up where you are. Pandemic is better in some places than others. The trick is to put yourself in positions where you are meeting people and making friends. You meet people through people.