Dating : How would you actually go about improving your personality?
I’m physically attractive and have one night stands, but I’ve never had a real girlfriend because I believe my personality just isn’t desirable.
I’m controlling, paranoid, take things personally and can be quite selfish.
In terms of the dating world, what’s a good personality and how do you go about achieving that?
All types of answers accepted.
Work on stuff you can be proud of, hobbies, exercise, etc. – and go to therapy
With you being so introspective and insightful I would recommend maybe a professional to help address how to modify those behaviors.
The best place to start is by being less selfish. The other stuff will likely tone down a bit with the right person and as you build trust.
However, if you’re selfish no one is going to want to be with you.
It’ll take work, but you can improve. Think about people that you like being around – and start paying attention to what makes you enjoy your time with them. Make notes if you need to. Then identify a situation that gave you an outcome you didn’t like, and think about how other people might have handled it and why. Start trying to practice. The really difficult part is figuring out where in your thought process you are making decisions. They’re subtle and unless you’re paying attention it flows right by without you even noticing, but they ARE there. Once you can identify them, you can work on interrupting your default decisions and override them with new ways to handle things.
The good personnality is your personnality. If you ask for a model, that means you will copy it to hide your own instead of improving yourself. The mindsets you are describing are for most red flags. Try to work on it instead of faking being someone different.
You said you never had a real girlfriend, start here : you describe yourself as a physically attractive person (no problem so far) who only have one night stands (here start the problem, because either you date only attractive other persons who also are searching for one night stands, or you hide the fact that in fact you also are searching only for these)
I think reading books and volunteering!! Both have taught me a lot :)) btw you should be proud that you’re reaching out for advice and trying to improve !
Get off of reddit
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Communication
I think when u really found a woman u really like
U will slowly adjust for her even ur not aware of it