Dating : I (27F) started seeing a guy (26M) who’s in an open relationship. It’s getting serious between us, and he wants to end things with his girlfriend. I don’t know if that’s a good idea, and I need advice about this whole situation.

Dating : I (27F) started seeing a guy (26M) who’s in an open relationship. It’s getting serious between us, and he wants to end things with his girlfriend. I don’t know if that’s a good idea, and I need advice about this whole situation.

Hi Reddit!

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I posted a week ago about this matter. And since then, some things happened and I know a little bit more about the situation. So I’m going to try to include everything on this post, while keeping it as short as possible. Because right now Reddit, I really need some advice.

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I’m 27F. I started working part time in a restaurant 3 months ago. I have a degree in engineering, and I’m job hunting at the same time, so this restaurant job is just temporary. I’m not restricting myself and looking for a job anywhere in the country (this info might be usefull for later).

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To sum it up, I met a guy (we’ll call him F) 26 yo, who used to work there with me but left the job 2 weeks ago. He kissed me one night when we were out with co-workers, and we kept getting closer from there, meeting almost everyday, spending lot of time together, watching stuff together, going out, having a lot of sex (if you want to get more details about how it all started check out the previous post).

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Now the issue is : he’s been with his girlfriend for 8 years. 1 year ago she wanted to open the relationship so she can explore more, he agreed even though he doesn’t like the idea, but wanted her to be happy. He said that she was the only one benefiting from the situation, and that things has been bad between them lately. He told me he followed her to this city for her studies, but then 2 months ago she went back home for an internship leaving him alone, and that too hurt him.

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I was thinking that I’m just a hookup, that he has a girlfriend, that he’s feeling lonely and he’s using me to get the company he needs.

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The more I started thinking about it the more it started hurting me because I started developing feelings for him. We were really getting closer and closer. About 10 days ago, we were talking, and one thing led to another, and he ended up telling me that he thinks he’s in love with me. I didn’t know how to react, and told him that he can’t be, that he’s in a long term relationship, he has a girlfriend, and 8 years is not negligible.

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That’s where I was confused last time I posted here. But since then, I decided to just not think too much about it and keep seeing him. Until shit hit the fan last Friday.

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One of our friends was organizing a party at his place, we were all invited. The party was gonna start at 1am. So the plan was, I go to F’s place the afternoon, chill with him, and then we go out at night, and go together to the party.

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Around 1pm, I receive a text from him saying that his girlfriend just came to his place as a surprise, and that she will be staying with him for a week. That’s when reality hit me, and I felt extremely bad. So I told him that it’s time to stop all of this. I stopped responding for the rest of the afternoon because I wasn’t feeling well, but he kept calling and texting me saying that he doesn’t want things to end and begging me to meet so we can talk about all of this.

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We ended up meeting later that evening and here is what he said:

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For all of you wondering, yes his girlfriend knows, she knows about us, she knows he has feelings for me, he told her everything. And I was mindfucked knowing that her reaction was feeling bad she ruined things by coming that day, she kept encouraging him to meet me and explain things…

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Anyways, he then talked to me more about his relationship, he told me that these past years he doesn’t feel like he’s in a relationship anymore, that despite some few good moments, there has been more bad moments, that even though they’ve been together for 8 years, and that they still have a lot in common, their differences are taking over the passion and he doesn’t see her the same anymore. He’s wondering if he’s not staying with her out of habit. He said that he’s only staying in the city right now to keep the apartment and the cat while she’s away, and then once she’ll be back on September, he’ll be going back south near his family, because he already sacrificed enough and he’s started thinking about continuing his life without her.

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He kept telling me that what he’s feeling for me is real, that he hasn’t felt this way for years. That he’s supposed to be happy she’s here, but he didn’t feel anything when he saw her etc

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Well we didn’t come to a conclusion that night, we just talked a lot, we cried, we hugged, we kissed, and then went to the party to try and get our heads off of things. We had a good time there, and based on a conversation between him and the host (he’s friends with the gf), she was invited last minute when he learnt she was back in town and I think she didn’t come to the party because of me.

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We left the party at 5:30 am, we took a walk in the city, talked some more, said goodbye like we were ending things between us.

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The past few days has been very hard for me, I can’t stand the idea of him being with her… and I imagine the worst.

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But then for the past few days we exchanged some texts, and we’re both very lost. He really wants to try with me, and he’s really considering ending things with her. This scares me! I told him that I don’t want him to take a decision he might regret, that if things don’t work out between us, he’ll be losing his current gf. I told him that if he has issues in his relationship and want to put an end to it, that’s an independent choice he needs to make, and that right now his choice is influenced by what we lived these past few weeks. He seemed hesitant when I told him this

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I tried ending things again, but it’s just too hard and we end up talking again. We ended up meeting last night, we sat on a park and talked for 2 hours. We came to the conclusion that there are only two options, either we stop everything, or he ends things with his girlfriend. I insisted that I didn’t want him to take that decision, and that I can’t guarantee things will work between us, we might not even be in the same city in few months, and that he shouldn’t base his decision on me. He really wants to be with me, and he kept telling me that he needs to take a decision before she leaves on Thursday.

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While we were talking, she sent him a text telling him that she’s spending the night at her male best friend’s place, he said that she did that two nights in a row. I felt bad because I thought she came to spend time with him.

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We ended up hugging and kissing again. I don’t know where we’re at right now but it feels like we’re running on a circle. I don’t know how to put an end to this, I don’t know if him ending things with her is a solution… I want to end it, because this is all getting too complicated but I can’t seem to have the strength to do that.

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Help me Reddit!