Dating : I don’t know what I did wrong and it’s killing me. Am I a terrible person?
So I met this guy online in December. He is 32 and I am 28F. I was instantly attracted to him, both by looks and personality, I thought he was the whole package. We went on 4 dates total and for the most part I felt like we a really good time together. But on a few of the dates and particularly the last one, I apparently said some things that offended him.. and I honestly was not aware of it until he said something. The 2nd date we were having sex.. (I am going to go into a little bit of detail here). And he didn’t want to wear a condom so I said ok just be careful I don’t want any oopsies. And he got offended by that. I get maybe the term offended him? But I meant nothing by it I just meant I didn’t want to get pregnant.. lol. (And please no slut shaming or anything of that sort, let’s try to stay on topic here). Then the last date we went on it was going well.. so I thought until he tells me I said some rude things earlier in the night and I’m a little taken back. I had called him judgmental but only because he had called me this. I have honestly heard some things come out of his mouth that I thought were pretty judgemental. For example on our second date he saw a women wearing a zebra jump suit and something along the lines of “who wears things like that” she was a younger girl and it was just a trendy looking jump suit and we were in the city.. so to me I could careless about what other people are wearing. I never brought it up but I just didn’t like the way he said it. Then we went out dancing and he saw this group of girls dancing and said “look at all these girls in here they’re fat and your not” I get that it was kind of a complement towards me but it still sort of rubbed me the wrong way. Then on the last date he got sour because I said he had a little bit of a belly but this was after he continuously kept saying he was fat.. so after telling him he wasn’t fat and he complimenting him on his physique I basically gave up and just agreed Because he wouldn’t stop. I have told him plenty of times I thought he was perfect just when we were cuddling but he still was completely butt hurt by this. And he also got offended when I said he was butt hurt.. lol. I mean are these things really that offensive? For the most part everytime I said something I thought it was light hearted and in good fun😔. I just feel like I can’t even trust myself anymore. He was honestly a really sweet guy and I felt he had a good heart, that’s why this bothers me so much. Like am I really that bad a of a person? I never heard from him after this date and saw he as back on hinge.. it hurt me bad because besides this I felt like we got along pretty well.
Edit: Sorry for the bad grammar.
If someone is easily offended by your personality and things that you say right off of the bat, it’s probably not a good relationship to pursue. If your personality currently includes sarcasm and joking from time to time and someone that you are trying to get to know takes offense to it, you would probably have to change your personality to fit into their defined limits of acceptable behaviors. So, you can just be the person that you are and find someone that you can mesh with or you can change your personality to fit with someone else, which you should not have to do. Do you really want to be with someone who doesn’t fit your personality?
As a side note… He may have only been looking for sex, which you had on the second date. He may have got what he wanted from you then and over the next couple of dates and moved on. It may not have actually been you at all.
Also, he’s not a really sweet guy. Go back and reread what you wrote.
You’re not a terrible person.
I also think you shouldn’t say negative things about a partner’s body. That’s hard to get out of your head once it’s in there. Saying it about yourself means next to nothing, but I feel like he would remember your fat comment a little bit every time he got naked with you. All types of men can feel they are fat, bodybuilders even.
It sounds like you two have different personality types. To me, his comments and compliments seem pretty immature. You’ll find better.
Pumped and dumped
It doesn’t sound like anything you said was that bad so don’t be too hard on yourself, it is what it is and you can’t help the way he feels. Sounds kinda to me like maybe he was being difficult as a way out rather than just telling you he wasn’t interested, so now he can feel justified in moving on. Just a thought. Take it as a learning lesson and move on. There’s a guy out there somewhere who will love the sarcasm and jokes! Good luck!
Sounds like a narcisist
Girl, it’s a red flag it sounds like negging he testing the waters to see how much verbally he get away with you. Also, it a control thing telling you offended by shit is a way to see if you willing to give him a control over what you say (to see if you will filter what you say or not say things for him). If you honestly don’t think you say anything wrong you probably are right. He seems like he abusive idiot but he not going to show his colors yet. Look up Marlena Stell’s video on abuse he seems like he following the steps of abuse/ DEATH. I say get the fuck out of there and stay away from him. This is coming from personal experience where my abusive ex will get offended over the dumbest stuff, the dumbest thing ever was when I send a male friend heart emojis for a joke I said. He got very mad and all my friends thought he was stupid and after relationship, I realize I dated an abusive moron.