Dating : I drunkenly told the guy I’ve been dating for 2 months that I wanted to be his GF and he asked for a little more time. Logically I’m okay with this, emotionally i feel rejected and bland towards him
As you know, bad decisions start with alcohol. I was wasted on Saturday night and told the guy I’ve been dating for 2 months that I wanted to be his gf. This has crossed my mind but rarely and I’ve really been enjoying dating, getting to know him, and hanging out with each other’s friends. In that moment he asked if we could talk about it the next day because we were both wasted.
The next morning we talked and he thanked me for validating his thoughts about whether i was interested in committing because he knows I’m an adventurous girl. He is 99% sure he’d like it too and has even wondered how he’d ask but he wants to make sure he’s making the right decision and we are not just in the honeymoon phase. He also understood that I was very drunk while I said it.
He’s generally a cautious person and thinks through everything so that’s understandable – I think he just wants to be the one to ask. I am a cautious person as well, we didn’t have sex until the 4th date and I was sure about getting to know him and his intentions. I also strongly restricted hanging out too much as I wanted to pace things and make sure I didn’t « lose myself ».
Idk what I’d have said if he had asked, I think I’d have asked for more time to get to know each other or maybe a « yes ». But in my case, I feel rejected – which i don’t deal with well. I find myself at an emotional low and wanting to go swipe on other guys and go on dates and maybe not being interested in seeing him. Things are the same otherwise. He texted last night to say goodnight and that the weekend was awesome and I responded – but feel bland about everything. Maybe this will pass, I sometimes get depressed if I haven’t worked out in more than 3 days so maybe that’s it.
I’ve been seeing a guy for the same amount of time and have been wanting to have the “exclusive” talk but am too scared he won’t feel the same way.. he has been kinda hard to read lately which has made me go back to swiping and chatting with other guys but he is the one i actually want to date. Makes me feel pretty low. Ugh putting yourself out there is hard.. I feel for you girl.
It could be depression, and it also could be an attachment issue you’ve been neglecting to address. Is this a particular pattern you have when people put up healthy boundaries? Something to consider.
It’s because he didn’t meet you with the same enthusiasm that you had. It’s a blow to the ego and forced you to see it in a different light. You seem to have put some limits on yourself and once you let yourself push those limits you got hurt so you want to pull away to avoid getting hurt again. That’s why you’re not letting yourself feel for him again. You feel bland because if you felt more it would hurt more.
It’s just something you have to acknowledge in yourself and is something to work on. Remember it’s about building toward something and the journey there is just as important as being there. Let yourself be vulnerable and as you said he’s interested but just wants to take things slow. That’s good for him and when he does ask you to be his girlfriend it’s not just because of the honeymoon phase but because he’s actually put in thought into it. He is being honest with you and shows that he can communicate with you. Sure it’s not the reaction you hoped for but it sets a strong precedent for whatever happens next. You can trust that he will be honest with you.
At this point it’s up to you what you do next. Either end a good thing that is still growing because you’re afraid of getting hurt or remember and try to have fun with this guy.