Dating : I feel like I’m not really « noticed » by women, despite being told that I’m attractive
I feel like the women who have noticed me and gave me a chance ended up liking me eventually, but most women don’t seem to notice me. I feel like I’m rather invisible. I get ignored on dating apps and struggle to get any matches. Even if I approach them and try talking to them I get the cold shoulder. Like it’s over before they even notice me or give me a chance.
I don’t believe that I’m unattractive. The women who took the time to get to know me have complimented me on my appearance and told me that I was attractive, some of them even wondering why I haven’t had any luck dating or finding relationships. Friends, both men and women, have told me that I was good looking and shouldn’t have problems walking into a bar and finding girls. But that’s exactly the problem I have. I get swiftly rejected if I try talking to girls in a bar, or anywhere for that matter.
It’s honestly night and day how female acquaintances treat me compared to how most random women treat me. I don’t know, I feel like I’m just not noticed or given the chance to make a good impression or show them that I don’t mean any harm.
What do you guys think. Is there any way I can make myself more noticeable?
You don’t have a problem with being noticed. You have a problem with being known.
Cold approaches in bars don’t give anyone the chance to really know you and that’s where you shine (based on your self description in your post)
You should try to find ways that you can be given enough time and space to show off who you are and then being decently good looking will be the icing on the cake for whatever girl is interested.
People like to think that just having certain boxes checked should somehow set them up for an easy time dating. Most of the people who swear this is true are the ones without those boxes checked and use it to explain why they aren’t having success. The others like yourself see that you’ve got the boxes checked and can’t figure out what is going wrong.
Make connections with people even if it’s just friendly. If a girl wants you it won’t be because you somehow misstepped and stumbled into the friend zone.
This could be a few things. Maybe your body language is closed off or you have no « game » when approaching women. No offence, but maybe you are not as attractive as your friends tell you. Remember people tend to become more attractive to us the more time we spend with them. That’s why people suddenly notice that one person at work.
Most women don’t want to be « picked up » in bars. Not unless they’re sending signals. It’s actually pretty cringe and awkward to be put into that situation. If she’s not inviting you with her eyes or body language to approach her, she doesn’t want you to approach her.
It’s rare for anyone to meet anyone randomly in public. Most relationships develop through friendships, acquaintances, or shared interests.
Body language, speaking register, eye contact, conversation…how are you on those things?
If you have closed off or diminutive body language, women are less likely to take you seriously. It could be making you seem weak, uncomfortable, or not trustworthy.
Speaking register is important, too. Do you have a weird voice? If your voice sounds effeminate, dorky, or creepy that will hurt your chances. It can have the same effect as your body language. Me, I have a very deep voice that some women find authoritative and sexy, but it’s also pretty monotonous which can make me seem dumber or more boring. These aren’t really things people often think about consciously, but it does at least sub consciously affect how we are perceived.
I don’t mean to be rude, but nobody will ever say to your face that you’re « very average looking ». And women who took the time to know you? They will see the positives about you which in turn make you look more attractive. Dating apps may be an indicator of your attractiveness, but being decent looking is not good enough for apps, so don’t let it beat you down.
As for cold approaches at a bar, maybe you just don’t have game and being good looking isn’t enough. I do well on dating apps so I know what I look like (also I’m 6′ tall), but I can’t do cold approaches if my life depended on it. The difference in success rates between the two clearly says I have no game.