Dating : I Had a Woman Who Ghosted Me ‘Like’ Me 4 Months Later
About 4 months ago I matched with « Nicole » on Bumble and we went on date. It wasn’t the most exciting evening in the world, but she was smart and funny and cute so I asked her for a second date because I believe sometimes it takes a while to get a bead on people. She said yes to my face, but when I got home I realized she had immediately unmatched me on Bumble. Oh well, no biggie.
A few weeks ago I switched to Hinge just to see what it was like, and this morning I got a notification that « Nicole » had liked my photo, which was coincidentally the exact same photo I used on Bumble. I just had to laugh.
It’s always a confidence booster to be so completely forgettable that you can spend two hours talking with someone and they can’t remember your face four months later.
EDIT: [I wrote to her and she confirmed that she did not remember who I was](https://imgur.com/a/245nLe2). At least she apologized?
Shes bored. Dont be her plaything.
> At least she apologized?
She apologized because you called her out, not because she was genuinely sorry for ghosting you.
My ex did this to me and I saw it as a red flag initially; she insisted that she’d never do it again. I actually believed her.
Our circumstances differ in one crucial way, yours is an online dating situation, mine was in person. In my situation, I was not intending to date her at first, just to hang out, have some fun, make her happy for a while, use her for some public visibility with a woman to open some other doors, and I ended up letting her get to me. I knew she’d lose her shit and do what she eventually did and I let myself fall victim to it. I even tried to leave her when I saw shit starting to hit the fan. Anyway I met her, hit on her for 4 months, watched her life fall apart, and got the opportunity (just as I had given up on dating her) to do something to make her life better after her apartment burned down and she lost everything. I drove her across an entire state to a concert to see her favorite band, paid for a hotel room, made sure to get a second bed so she didn’t think I was trying to get her to sleep with me, and did what needed to be done so she could start rebuilding in a decent mindset. That night we made out, she ended up sleeping in the same bed as me (non-sexually), and I drove her back the next morning. 2 days later she quit her job, let me know what was happening and disappeared. She deleted me off of everything. She disappeared for 6 months. We ran into each other again then started hanging out as friends and she fell for me. I decided to date her then we got serious. I moved in with her about 8 months later then we moved into a house her family bought for us. About 1 year exactly from when we started dating she started losing her control over her emotions, then got them back (I had attempted to end the relationship three times at this point). At this point she’s insisting that we get married, kind of blackmailing me into it so I buy a ring and propose under the agreement that she gets serious mental health help and allow me to be there for her and that she listens to me when I tell her she needs to do something to calm down. This worked for 6 months. 6 months later she started losing it again, this time to the point that it was ruining my grip on my mental health issues, eventually she broke my control and I lost my shit at her and ended up saying and doing things to get her to see just how fucking crazy she had gotten. By this time she had given the ring back to me on one occasion and I told her that if she ever did it again she wasn’t getting it back. She did it a second time by throwing the ring in it’s box at my head. At this point in the ending of our relationship she had physically assaulted me 3 times; once punching in me in the dick saying « what do you even care, you don’t use it anyway », kneeing me in the balls, and trying to punch me in the face. I’ve lost my grip on control completely and when that happens I resort to getting under your skin and really just fucking with you until you break even further so I started doing shit that I knew would cause her to hit me, nothing physical, just verbal [repeating things, saying things about how she was just trying to live out the sick fantasy of trying to understand why her mother lefter her father leading to his suicide, telling her that she really was just like her mother, ect… a lot of fucked up shit that I’m not proud of] This resulted in me getting hit and making sure that as soon as she did it that she was aware that she had just struck a partner in anger and that she needed to get herself into a fucking hospital. I made it clear to her that I wasn’t going to get the police involved but she needed to get her fucking mental health in order. She’s in therapy now, she has been since she left me, and from what I’ve seen in passing she’s doing better and I’m happy for her. I’m still recovering and am about to get my green card for PTSD so that I can go on with my life too.
If you indulge this girl, this will be your story or something very much like it. You will lose any grip on anything you think you have, and you will probably end up blaming yourself for a long time. I don’t want you to go through that. You know what the answer is, but I’m still going to put it into cold hard writing for you. Dating this girl, giving her any thought beyond, will be a mistake, maybe even the biggest mistake of your life.
Keep your sanity, move on from this.
Peace.
Or, perhaps she did remember you and regretted unmatching on Bumble so she reached out on Hinge by liking your picture.
She met you.
Then she met someone she thought was wealthier and/or more handsome.
That did not work out.
Now she is back to you.
I don’t know man, I don’t forget how someone looks. She may remember you and wants to date.
Man I’m dreaming about that grilled cheese and bruschetta plate right now. Curse this keto diet!
Move on. This has happened to me plenty of times before (girls match with me on an app, ghost/reject me, will match me again months later when I’m on an app again). She just wants attention/is bored
Thanks for all the detail man i appreciate it! Rock on
If you had already met unmatching doesn’t mean she wasn’t interested. I unmatch guys after I meet them even when I am interested. I already have their number so what is the point in keeping them on?
A similar thing just happened to me. In October I went in two dates with this girl with plans for a 3rd which she ended up canceling a few days before. We stop talking.
Jump to 6 months later I go back on bumble and see her there. I swipe yes because why not, then all of a sudden the next day she texts me out of the blue to « catch up. »
We have gone out 3 more times and started to hold hands/kiss but I’m still not sure where I stand. I’m just a bit paranoid she will leave again suddenly.
It’s at least a good sign that she thought of you again. Most likely she just wasn’t ready the first time but you being in her head still is a good sign.