Dating : I have given up on life for passing up on my dream….. (Trading in money for love)

Dating : I have given up on life for passing up on my dream….. (Trading in money for love)

Hi everyone so I am just done. I feel as if I wasted the best years of my life doing something so dumb I can’t stand life anymore. Last summer my group of friends started hanging out with this group of girls and one of them was interested in dating me. I decided not to date her because I was to busy with my business and saw that she was dating a new guy every month and I didn’t just want to be just another guy. (BTW she was dating a lot for emotional reasons and not sex)

When I was a kid I was very lonely and didn’t have many friends. I was bullied for how I acted and how I looked. I was always pushed around in life and never had the confidence to do anything. When I got into high school I decided to take a stand to this bullshit and started building a business. I worked so hard to build my business and was so obsessed that when something wouldn’t go right I would want to end my own life. Now at the end of my senior year my business makes about 60k a year in passive income and I will probably make 100k a year passively in the next couple of years. This would sound great to the old me and to many others but honestly I feel fucking stupid.

Since freshman year I dreamed that senior year would be amazing. I would have a beautiful girlfriend and I could take her to homecoming and prom and have the kind of relationship I would see in the movies. My dream was so big but I felt my hard work could make something like this come true. Well honestly it did and thats what the problem is. The girl that I decided to pass up over the summer started dating a guy that she continued dating all school year up until today. Throughout the school year I had to watch them have the kind of senior year I have always wanted. Now that high school is over I feel like a huge failure. I chased money when I had the perfect girl in front of me the whole time who didn’t care about my money or looks and liked me for me. Something much better than anything I could have dreamed of. Sadly I had to watch this die in front of my eyes. I can’t believe how stupid I am. I wake up every morning in utter regret for what I have done. Each day gets worse as I think about what could have been to the point where I don’t want to live anymore.

More than anything in the world I want to feel love. I want to fall deeply in love with a girl and care about her more than anything. I feel as if I finally took a stand to this cold world and was pushed down farther than I was before. I was once full of hope for the future and excited for what could be and now I am completely hopeless. This girl is going to the same community college as me next year and I just hope that I will get another chance then to make up for what I should have done in the past. I care about her so much it makes me sick. I just feel like I will never find something like this again in my life or will have able to have the same happiness from it. I would really appreciate some advice on what to do and how to forgive myself for my past. Thanks so much!