Dating : I stood up for myself for the first time but broke no contact and need tips/motivation on not doing it again – please help :(

Dating : I stood up for myself for the first time but broke no contact and need tips/motivation on not doing it again – please help 🙁

Hi,

I started seeing someone and we hit it off really well a couple months ago. Our dates were typically 5-7 hours, he had a lot of green flags, and I truly felt I could be myself and be appreciated for who I was around him. He told me some pretty personal things, valued open communication, wasn’t afraid to be vulnerable, and listened and supported me through a really tough meltdown. He seemed to really put in the effort. As someone whose love language is quality time, this was a pretty special connection for me. I had never felt that same amount before with anybody else! He told me directly that he liked me and I said the same later.

Long story short, he suddenly withdrew and stopped talking as much, saying he can’t make any commitments *at all*. I chalked it up to him being sick and busy and also stepped back and kept myself busy with other things – but he still said he wanted to continue to talk/hang out. This felt better until it kept continuing and I realized I was increasingly becoming an afterthought. If I didn’t start the conversation or suggestion hanging out, I felt like he wouldn’t nor would he mind never seeing me again. It was very very low effort on his end. After thinking about it, I sent him some messages saying that while I really enjoyed our connection and it was special to me, I think I deserve to be treated better, especially since when I said I liked him back, I said it doesn’t have to be serious or get labels, I just want what we had to continue and he agreed. I felt pretty disappointed when he treated me SO well and didn’t communicate that he actually didn’t plan on continuing it (when he said he would communicate clearly about everything). Anyway, I said I’d rather rip the bandage off now if this is how it’ll continue to be. And if so, good luck and I wish good things for him. He never replied.

It’s been a little over a week and I know he’s seen my texts. We are still Snapchat friends and he’s been active on social media. I previously had deleted his number and blocked his Facebook, but last night I felt so sad and hurt over how I was treated. I wanted answers and felt really insecure. I texted “Hey, can we talk?” around midnight and he hasn’t responded. I wouldn’t be surprised if he doesn’t but I really need advice/motivation on how to not do that again.

So far, here are the various pieces of advice that I’ve been given:
– I did that right thing because I deserve someone who puts as much effort as I do. If he really wanted to, he would do so like at the beginning when he was trying to get me on his hook
– He has issues of his own that I am not responsible for. He may have great green flags in the beginning, but the overall red flag of him being different later is concerning and wastes time
– its ok to grieve because it came out of the blue and I didn’t have time to prepare for it, whether he was official in my life or not. If he were to say for some reason yes it was fake and he lied the whole time, that won’t fix anything
– acknowledge the pain
– take this time to focus on yourself

Personally, the most effective ones are the arguments that I can use to talk myself out of not contacting him again, but then the hopeful part of me also tries really hard. Please help… it’s eating me up inside 🙁