Dating : If you ask someone out and they respond with « Thanks for the invite but… », No matter what the reason that follows (even if it is legitimate) accept that they aren’t interested in you.
I have had this response given to me a few times recently but when you read between the lines, although they may mean it when they say thanks for the invite, its just a generous way of saying « you’re cool but I’m not feeling the potential for « us » tbh ». All you can do is move on from them and find someone who is feeling it 👌
Okay so, funnily enough, a situation just happened which kinda contradicts a few of the replies to this post (not the post itself). If you are communicating really well with the other person and they write something like « I am working/busy during [insert time] 🙂 » you can push to see if they are free another time. I just did this and even though the girl I am talking to (not the same girl in the original post) works till late, after a little push she suggested that she is fine to go out after her work shift even though it’ll be pretty late. So ultimately, even if they don’t immediately suggest an alternative time, don’t immediately assume they aren’t interested but this does depend on the chemistry and comfortablity y’all are showing beforehand.
Thanks for the invite but I really like you and want to find something else we can do together when we’re both free.
I rather disagree. I mean, I think I never received exactly « thanks for the invite but… » response but my proposals to hang out some specific day were declined many times because girls have some plans made for that day and it doesn’t really needs to mean another person is not interested. And it’s not like if she didn’t propose another day she is not interested, girls often are accustomed to man being proactive side.
I usually propose two days, for example thursday or friday and if she say she can’t meet then, then I usually ask her if she can let me know when she have a time. I could also try to let her somehow know that if she doesn’t want to hang out, then she can let me know as I don’t want to be pushy.
I would be less succesful in dating in my past if I would be using your advice, or maybe this advice is specifically about responses starting with « thanks for the invite » which I probably never received. If so, then I don’t know but if reason after « but » would sounds legitimate, I wouldn’t be quiting yet.
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If someone tells me « I would love to, but… » then I typically respond with « OK cool, I’ll leave it to you to let me know when you have some time for it. » And then I never bring it up again. I just want to make sure they know that if it was a serious reason and they actually would love to, then the ball is in their court if they want to make it happen.
Well this explains why my Mom is always busy
« I’ll let you know » is code for it’s not going to happen but it would be cool if they straight up told you too.
Responses like these:
« I appreciate you asking me, and I would love to but… »
« Thanks for the invite but… »
« I already made plans on Sunday, but I’ll let you know. »
« Hey, I might have to think about it, but I’ll get back to you. »
« Thanks for thinking of me! Let me check my schedule, and I’ll get back to you! »
Most people are so used to ghosting, being just overall shitty people at communicating via text, phone call, and in person due to social media and technological advances. That we simply forgot to just be honest. Yes, there are some crazy people out there, but there are generally a lot of people who are understanding, and would rather you be upfront even if it stings a little. At least it gives us closure, and helps us find our own happiness to pursue someone else to share it with.
Thanks for the post man. I usually take these answers as a sign for me to move on.
Brad Pitt rule. They either agree enthusiastically or immediately suggest another time/date. If neither, forget about it.
The eye contact usually tells whether she is interested
With me around they just keep their eyes closed.
And I thought love was blind
This is just not true. I’ve said this before to guys I was interested in when I already had plans established. You can’t just expect someone to drop their plans for you
I’ve been that girl who has made the mistake of putting guys before other priorities in my life whether it be my own friends, interests, or any general prior plans. When you put aside these other aspects of your life it becomes expected and unhealthy in a relationship dynamic. If a girl has learned this lesson, or already knows, saying no to a date or hanging out at a specific time has nothing to do with her (or their) level of interest. It should be respected that both parties at any point in time could have other plans when making plans with one another. A girl who is interested, and not playing games, will try to rearrange for another time. Once you give the proposal of doing something the ball is in her court. it’s not always a rejection if she has other things going on but it is up to her to show her interest after that and reciprocate. I don’t blame you for having this black and white mindset because people are often disappointing but i do mind if you miss out on a great girl just cause she has healthy priorities..’Take your shot and if she is interested she will, and should, rearrange with you. If she doesnt, it’s her loss!
It might be ok if they suggest another time that works
Thanks. Needed to hear that regarding someone (friend kinda).
I was *interested* in this lady, known through work, and after some time I conjured up the courage to ask her out… the day I was to ask her, a mutual friend–who was asked by her–came and told me she likes me but there is no chemistry between us and she’s already seeing someone. I guess that was her « Thanks but no thanks. »
I agree.
If they’re actually interested (but busy or whatever that day), they’ll make a counter offer of when to meet.
I’ve experience this, so I know how true it is
I mean that happens sometimes, but I’ve definitely had the opposite happen many, many times.
If they ask to reschedule or you know for a fact. that they’re busy during the time in which you wanted to go. out with them, don’t bail lol. People do get busy, if they like you they’ll try to plan something with you at another time.
Not exactly. If it’s « Thanks for the invite but I will be at work then. How about the next day at 6? » Then I would say they are interested. Really depends on the excuse and if they offer to reschedule. If the excuse is lame and they don’t reschedule, then yeah, move on.
Interesting advice!
There is one particular exception to this situation, and that is when they propose alternatives! I would even say those tends to be dates that work well in my experience! It shows interest. And even with a but, I tend sometimes to try proposing an alternative, and THEN if its too neutral/not precise enough, it does indeed tend to not lead to anything. (I’m mostly talking about those times when they say but and explain being busy/not having much time, but if they do say but I’m not interested or I don’t find you attractive I obviously don’t even push further and respect their answer).
Conversely if someone replies “[excuse], but I would love to have gone” it is probably worth trying again. The perogative is on the end of the sentence, since the final phrase is where the most emotion is
It works. Often times they are like wait and try to figure me out or say yes later. I think its a nicer way to reel girls in than say the alphas treating girls like shit. It also boosts the love of self respect.
Unfortunately real life circumstances are not well appreciated through internet. Best way to know is by interacting in real life. Virtual world sucks.
What? Even if they have a legitimate reason they’re supposed to drop all plans for you? They may suggest another day. This is a weird post.
Yes I completely agree with you OP.
This point gets really hammered home when you create a catfish account of a good looking masculine man. I have women messaging me regularly, telling me I’m cute, gorgeous, sexy, they are happy to have conversations with me, they are openly sexual with me, they restart conversations the next day, they actively want to meet me and a number of them keep bugging me to go on a date. When I use my own photos, I get practically nothing and I’ve heard excuses like that a few times.
I’m going to be posting a thread about this in the next week. I just need to screenshot all the messages I’ve received. Stay tuned for the thread!
Ask up to THREE different activities and times (in different moments). If they never can they are just avoiding telling you they don’t see you as a romantic partner.
> All you can do is move on from them and find someone who is feeling it
Or you could ask them again another time since they expressed appreciation for the invite.
It sounds like you’re saying anyone who is vague when declining your invitation is just making up an excuse. People can make other plans.
I understand it’s a common way to express disinterest, but making a rule about it with a definite « no matter what » is ridiculous.
As long as it’s not a no, try, try again.