Dating : If You’ve Ever Been Painfully Rejected, Read This.

Dating : If You’ve Ever Been Painfully Rejected, Read This.

Being rejected by the person you’re always thinking about truly hurts. I actually don’t think we put enough focus into how hurtful being rejected can feel. A lot of people are quick to give advice on how to overcome those painful feelings, and I plan to do the same, but first, I want you to understand something.

 

What you feel, anytime you begin to think about them; That hurt you can’t exactly articulate into words? It’s okay to feel those feelings. It’s okay to hurt. If necessary, it’s okay to cry. You won’t be any less of a person because you’re experiencing strong emotions.

 

On the contrary, actually. The more you try to repress those feelings, those emotions, the worse off you’ll be. It’s important for us as people to not be led by our emotions in a lot of different circumstances, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t experience and feel them.

 

When you’re feeling overwhelming grief, pain, sorrow, and loss, let those emotions flow through you. Perhaps not when you’re at school, work, or with friends, but make sure you find time to be alone somewhere, and just feel. Cry, shake, convulse. Speak whatever negative feelings you have within, and get them out.

 

Express how you feel. Don’t say unhealthy things like “I’m not good enough for her.”, or “I’m unwanted.” Say how you feel. “I feel like I’m not good enough for him.”, or “I feel unwanted.” It’s important to make that distinction. You aren’t ugly, unwanted, worthless, powerless, or unlovable. You simply feel that way, in this moment.

 

Express and express, until you feel like everything is out. It may take a moment, it may take an hour or two. It doesn’t matter how long the process takes. The first step in overcoming strong negative feeling, is to experience it fully. Get it out of your body, your heart, your soul.

 

Do this now.

 

Don’t worry. When you come back, you can continue reading what I have to share with you. It’ll help you to truly overcome all the damage that rejection can cause.

 
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Now, when it comes to dealing with feelings of rejection from someone you like, you have that negative reaction because you don’t understand 3 important facts of life, love, and relationships. The fact that you don’t know those 3 things isn’t your fault. You were probably never taught what they were, and again, that’s okay.

 

Those 3 important facts are as follows:

1. Everybody has their own value system and perspective on life.

2. Not everybody will be a match for you.

3. Your value isn’t determined by the people you don’t match with.

 

Now that you know the 3 facts, I’ll explain why each is important, so you can truly understand what each means, and so you’ll have a brand-new understanding for how social interactions, dating, and relationships truly work.

 

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**1. Everybody Has Their Own Value System**

 

Nobody has all the answers. Nobody knows what the right thing to do in all situations is. We can guess, we can measure, and we can study what’s in front of us, but often times, we’ll come to a different conclusion. This doesn’t mean that one of us is right, and the other is wrong.

 

It means we share different values.

 

Just because someone likes rock music, while you like hip-hop, doesn’t mean their taste in music sucks. Just because someone loves studying equations, while you enjoy playing basketball, doesn’t make you better than the other person. Just because someone is traveling the world, while you’re sitting on your ass at home, doesn’t mean you’re meant for anything less than the other person.

 

All of these things are a reflection of our values. What’s important to us. What we feel matters.

 

These values of ours are developed and shaped throughout our life. They begin taking shape during our childhood, and continue to morph and mold until we’re adults. From there, it’s harder to change them, but it’s still possible with a little work and persistence.

 

*”What does this have to do with getting over that girl/guy I like?”*

 

Well, ask yourself; Why didn’t it work out? Why did they reject you?

 

– Did they find your lack of drinking and partying boring?
– Were you not mysterious enough for them?
– Were you too available and open for them?
– Were they turned off by your interest in anime and manga?
– Did they hate how dirty your car or room looked?
– Were they unimpressed with your current job?
– Did they hate the way your teeth looked?
– Did they feel you didn’t earn enough money for them?
– Did they just ghost you?

 

On the other side of the spectrum:

 

– Did they find you too outgoing and extroverted?
– Was your energy too high for them?
– Did they feel you were too into fitness and health?
– Did they think you earned too much money?
– Did they feel inadequate compared to your friends?
– Did they feel you were too proper and mature?

 

When people don’t mirror our values, and we aren’t open minded enough to accept their differing perspectives, we tend to do one of two things. First, is aiming to change or alter their values to be more in line with our own. Second, is to be repulsed by them, because we see their challenging values as wrong or below ours.

 
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**2. Not Everybody Will Be a Match for You**

 

Because people having different values, it should be obvious that some people will click better than others. Sometimes, you’ll come across a woman who seems to embody all of your own values, but she’ll have one deal breaker that you just can’t agree with, so the relationship fails.

 

Other times, you’ll have a guy who hardly matches your values, but the values he doesn’t match with aren’t the most important for you, so you compromise and accept him as is. The relationship isn’t as strong as it could be, but you manage just fine.

 

And other times, you’ll find someone who matches many of your values to a T. There are few here and there that you don’t agree with 100%, but they’re so minuscule and mundane, they’re easy to overlook or even accept.

 

The idea in creating lasting and strong connections with people, is finding out what their values are. Figuring out what they think of the world and the people within it. What they think of themselves, and how they interact with everything in the present moment.

 

Issues arise in dating and relationship building, when you come across someone who doesn’t share your values, and you try to ignore the fact, or worse, try to change the person into what you ideally want them to be.

 

She’s perfect, physically. Great body, big boobs, nice butt, and a smile to die for. But she loves to party and get drunk. When she’s drunk, she does questionable things with other guys, and that makes you uncomfortable. But since she’s so hot, and you’re so drawn to her outgoing and carefree attitude, you try to stick it out and see if she’ll change.

 

This is usually the approach people take when they come across someone that doesn’t click with them. They’re drawn to certain characteristics and values, but repulsed by others. But because they’re so desperate to be with someone, anyone that can give them what they’re looking for, they’ll settle, in hopes of changing the person later on down the line.

 

This will only ever lead to pain and suffering. As you’re forcing yourself to click with someone who’s values you don’t agree with. You’re settling for what you’re being given, instead of looking for what you truly want. And, the person you’re trying to change slowly grows resentment for you, for trying to change who they are and what they view as important. It’s a bad situation for everybody involved.

 

You can’t try and change someone because they aren’t what you want them to be. You must simply accept them for who they are, and if they aren’t a match for you, move on. They won’t change for you, they’ll only change for themselves. They aren’t meant to click with you, they’re meant to click with someone else.

 

This leads to the third and final point.

 

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**3. Your Value Isn’t Determined by The People Who You Don’t Match With.**

 

Too many people face rejection in their lives by a person they want to be with, and look towards themselves as the reason things didn’t work out. They think they didn’t do enough, didn’t try hard enough, or simply weren’t good enough.

 

All that happened, was a conflict in values. You didn’t match with the person, because your values weren’t compatible. It wouldn’t have mattered how many scenarios you played in your head, the relationship wouldn’t have worked out. Not because you weren’t good enough, and not because they weren’t good enough, but because your values weren’t aligned.

 

There wasn’t anything you could have done to prevent them from rejecting you, ghosting you, cheating on you, or breaking up with you. If it was meant to last, it would have lasted, and if it wasn’t meant to last, it would have ended.

 

Does this mean you’re worthless? Not worth the energy it takes to love and hold? That you’ll be lonely for the rest of your life?

 

Of course not.

 

It simply means that person wasn’t the person for you. They didn’t click with your values like someone else will. When things don’t work out with a particular person, it doesn’t mean something is wrong with you, or something is wrong with them. It only means that your values didn’t match enough to spark a flame.

 

Don’t look down on them, don’t bad mouth them, don’t forsake yourself to a life of seclusion and loneliness. All that is unnecessary and damaging in the long run.

 

Simply accept that you two weren’t meant to be. That there are other people out there that’ll match with you in ways you can’t imagine. There are better friendships out there for you. There are better relationships out there for you. There are better overall connections out there for you. You simply found someone with whom the connection isn’t right.

 

Keep Searching. 🙂

 

Edit: Thanks for the Silver, kind stranger!