Dating : Im a guy, I dont like having sex on the first date
I deal with some anxiety issues that makes it hard for me to go from being practically strangers to having sex. I like to make out and cuddle, but it takes me time to get used to being so close to another person. Ive had issues in the past with getting or keeping an erection with a new partner, and it worries me.
A girl invited me to her house tonorrow and has been talking about having sex. While most guys would think this is great, i dont want to offend her or blow my chances.
Would you women be offended if you tried to have sex with a guy and he wanted to wait?
I’d respect that. It’s the new age and men definitely can have standards too!
Just tell her what you think and feel about it.
Just be relaxed and be yourself.
Go there, cuddle, make out and if she reaches for more, just tell her « is it ok if we just cuddle and make-out tonight? »
For all you know, she may have talked about sex because she thinks that’s what guys want.
Yeah I’d try explaining that you’d rather take it slow. I’m sure she’ll understand. If she doesn’t, she sounds like someone you’d not want to be intimate with.
There’s nothing wrong with that either. I think that if you explained this to her, she’d probably be okay with it. She’d probably even respect it. Just make it clear that it’s not because of her, and that you would like to see her again. Make a concrete plan or prove it in some way.
You don’t have to have sex on the first date.
I deal with anxiety, too, and while I’m not a relationship expert I’ve had sex on the first date before. I’ve also cuddled and made out, and liked that just as much. Then again I like to cuddle.
Sex is difficult for me because I have extreme OCD that made me afraid of bodily fluids years after I hit puberty. To the point where I have to shower for 30-60 minutes after contact.
I’d be elated tbh.
Have sex when both people are comfortable with it.
You can always go with a white lie. Bring over some take out. Or if she says she will cook, eat something a couple hours before. The at a time that makes sense, excuse yourself to the bathroom for 5 mins. Come out with your hand on your stomach and say, « I’m sorry, There’s something wrong with my stomach. »
I don’t normally like making stories like this. But people can be over sensitive and get easily offended if you just met and turn them down for other reasons. This will buy you a little time to feel out if you are really into her. Hang out for a bit, make out, and make plan to meet up again.
You’re “demisexual” absolutely nothing wrong with that:
Demisexual-(of humans) Sexually attracted to people only after a strong emotional bond has been formed.
While I understand you are afraid of offending her, be true to yourself and your boundaries and tell her no. I think if she’s nice enough she’ll understand, if not, then you just had different needs at different times. For the record, I can’t fathom sex that early on in the relationship either.
Have sex when both of you are comfortable. Even you need to be interested in and want to have sex with somebody, to have a good relationship
Just wanted to say I’m similar…if looking for a relationship moving that quickly is a turn off for me, plus either way, I’d want to hang out with them a while and get to know them/connect a bit first. Depending on the person that might happen in the first few hours or first 1-2 dates, or it could take longer depending on the situation.
As a 30 male I’ve noticed that with younger women 26 and below(that are hot) that doesn’t always work..
You gotta dick em down and do it right….
if you dont they’ll be understanding and keep it cool with ya but understand they won’t be calling you no time soon for romance… depending on what she want. some girls will flat out tell you to wait…
girls don’t like putting themselves out there – when it’s sex based – it’s very vulnerable… and you rejecting them… whatever your reasoning may be, it’s a rejection so yea
I would absolutely respect and prefer when guys don’t push for sex so soon. Assuming we’re both looking for a just a hookup that’s fine but there should be some understanding in the type of relationship before moving forward.
Guys are definitely criticized for not performing when a girl wants it. I recently had two dates with a girl, the literal first message I sent to her was that I only fuck people I’m friends with first so I thought she’d be cool with it… but nope. It sucks because I really liked her and wanted to sleep with her but because I didn’t go for it on the second date she dropped me.
Okay. Im (29m) not comfortable with sex on the first date either. Being slutty doesn’t grab my interest. However, my now wife who i love more than life itself, definitely made the first move. She, in her past was much more « sexually open » then i was. I have had 1 hookup ( sex with a girl i wasn’t dating ). I felt wierd about it. She has had plenty. More than i am comfortable with to be honest. But her liking sex doesnt mean she’s incapable of a monogamous relationship. Shes my best friend in the world, and no doubt she loves me. Just do you bro. You’ll find « her ».
i would tell her ahead of time, just shoot a casual text, like hey i really like you but i’d like to wait to have sex
otherwise, if she tries something, and you stop her, it will seem like a rejection
imo
I dont have anxiety and I don’t sleep on the first date either man, I respect myself too much for that garbage, don’t feel bad about it at all my dude.
That’s hard to say, because I have never initiated sex. I let the man initiate sex. I also think this girl is being too forward.
If I was the girl and you told me that, I’d just like you more. Say your feels. If she doesn’t respect it then she’s not for you.
> I deal with some anxiety issues that makes it hard for me to go from being practically strangers to having sex. I like to make out and cuddle, but it takes me time to get used to being so close to another person. Ive had issues in the past with getting or keeping an erection with a new partner, and it worries me.
Amen brother, me too. It’s so frustrating thinking about your erection to the point where you can’t enjoy sex at all. I know all of the troubles you go through, I couldn’t get an erection without wanking my limp member and almost coming. And even then, it usually became limp as soon as I penetrated due to my anxieties. Never a good sexual experience.
Now I have a girlfriend, we had sex on the first date, and I just couldn’t get it up. We were drunk, so that was my excuse, even if it was secondary to my crippling fear of intimacy. But she persisted, and at some point (probably an hour later), I felt like I could let go. I was now turned on, and we kept going for a few hours.
Being in bed with a woman who’s patient and persistent helped me a lot. If you do undress, tell her that you want a lot of time, a few hours at least, and use that time for whatever you need to feel your blood pumping.
> Would you women be offended if you tried to have sex with a guy and he wanted to wait?
I mean, it sounds like a booty call. It depends how close you are already. If you know each other irl and you have a connection (like a mutual friend), she’s probably not going to cut you off because you denied her sex. But if she’s someone you haven’t met at all before that, she might cut you off.
I’m not sure how I’d say it. If she has this mental image that she’s going to have sex tomorrow, she might be super bummed if you deny her when you’re standing inside her house and she’s basically imagining you naked. I’d text her if she goes on another sexting tirade. Maybe even before, but I have no idea how you’d break it to her if you’re not talking about sex.
No sex on first date = good relationship material and high self respect.
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