Dating : What am I doing wrong
I’m a 19 y/o female, (non-binary tho, but I will simplify it for y’all so not to make things complicated.) I’m an annoying ass teen; I’m always talking about politics, heated issues, things that make me very passionate as an individual & I’m involved in a lot of community volunteering. Recently I’ve got closer w some folks in this community and I’ve got my eye on a few of them. I also go to college, and I’ve had no luck there. I have no luck w any one anywhere. I used to think it’s bc I’m ugly, but after becoming a bit more confident and seeing some other photos of me, I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m not lower than a 4.5. I’m wondering why no one will date me; but then again it’s bc I am very independent (acting) so I act v independent and v smart and whatever. I think it’s bc I just do not know how to radiate that I like someone, and when I do I back off as soon as they show any signs of disinterest. Tinder is a piece of shit app I almost got raped using it so yeah I will keep off there. Please help y’all I want to meet real ppl and talk to real ppl!
TD;LR: I need to date someone but I am socially held back from knowing how to flirt, social cues are also a bit off, how to talk w someone you like? Please help!
You’re like Gert from Marvel’s runaways.
First, I applaud you for asking for help. Youre independent, thats good. Make sure the independence stays in check and your beliefs are projected in a good manner. Most people stay away from someone that pushes their opinion on them.
Case in point, do you like someone telling you how you should think, speak and behave?
Politics are amazing, to maintain healthy communication with politics you must remain open to opposing viewpoints and attempt to understand them. This is different then believing them and most people find common ground by listening to others. Heck, most people realize they are arguing the same thing, just from a different perspective. The world is not black and white, there’s a lot of details when things happen, you need to remain open to possible differences of opinions. Case in point, Jessie Smullet. Remaining open to information you may not neccesarily agree with helps remove the toxicity that arises. It also opens the door to a lot of things that you never knew.
Dont word police either. That’s annoying. Would you like someone word policing your viewpoints/opinions? Instead, listen to the spirit and meaning behind the words, if you dont understand what someone means, ask what they mean.
Remember that cause you have your eye on them doesnt mean they care about you. Ask questions and be vulnerable, find out what they think and dont tell them they are wrong for what they think. Thats annoying and only pushes them away.
A few suggestions, ask yourself why you feel people don’t like you. Avoid blaming and negativity to reach an understanding.
Also, you say you want to meet real people and talk to real people. Why are the people youve met up to this point not real people?
For the final suggestion, ask people why more if you don’t agree with them. Give them a chance to talk and believe they have good intent, even if you don’t agree with what they are saying. A good way to make someone feel heard, listened to and valued is by asking « good » open ended questions……
Tinder is your best bet. Learn how to filter the right guys through texting.
If not you should just learn to be more expressive and let things happen naturally.
>I used to think it’s bc I’m ugly, but after becoming a bit more confident and seeing some other photos of me, I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m not lower than a 4.5.
This is an odd concession.
>I’m wondering why no one will date me; but then again it’s bc I am very independent (acting) so I act v independent and v smart and whatever.
So you aren’t independent? You’re only acting that way? Well, if you arent being natural, you may not come across as credible, you know what I mean? If people think you are acting independent, but you aren’t that independent…then of course people will be confused, and so will you.
>I think it’s bc I just do not know how to radiate that I like someone, and when I do I back off as soon as they show any signs of disinterest.
Isn’t that normal? You should back off if there are signs of disinterest….thats normal.
They would only show signs of disinterest if you were « radiating » that you like them. Right? Why else would they show disinterest?
The problem seems to be that you arent meeting the right people. This is an important part of dating, because you can easily waste your time with people who aren’t good for you. You’ve definitely had friends like that right? Where they are with a guy they know is toxic. They do it anyway. This could fuck up years of your life.
>I’m an annoying ass teen; I’m always talking about politics, heated issues, things that make me very passionate as an individual & I’m involved in a lot of community volunteering.
There are definitely people who would not want to get heated and talk politics…but there are some that love it. There are so many activists these days that finding people passionate about liberal ideas is pretty much the norm depending on where you live.
One thing I think that will help you is not rating yourself. I’m not sure what you mean by saying you are a 4.5 but I think I get it. By giving yourself a number like that is just asking for a lack of confidence or self esteem issues. Whether you are happy with it or not problems arise because everyone uses that system to focus on what they see as flaws and how they are not perfect and then forget about the good things and get self conscious about the bad things. Just saying I am who I am and be confident that you can do whatever you want and get whatever person you are interested will help