Dating : I’m obese (24F) ! I’ve had one relationship in the past and the guy broke up with me without even explaining to me the reason but i think it was because his family didn’t like me because i am fat. Any guys here to give an honest opinion? Is it really much more important than how i am as a person?
I’m a happy person in general. But it hurts sometimes to see all my female friends get all the attention and get flirted with. I’ve never had that. I’m usually just standing on the side at a bar while they are just getting all the attention from guys. I don’t even need all the attention.. i need one serious relationship and that’s it. I had that once and it was very serious but things went down the drain . I don’t know if it was because I’m fat or something else but i really need some honest opinion on this from guys.
It has been a struggle all my life to lose weight but i fail to maintain but this time I’m working on it again and really don’t want to give up! I’ll work on it but it will take time obviously!
Thanks for your time 🙂
EDIT: Thank you so much for all your comments. I accept all your opinions and it has definitely motivated me to accept the reality and work on changing my lifestyle for life. I’ll keep my progress updated. I’ve started last month and I’ve lost 4 kgs till now. But it’s a long way to go. Need to lose about 40 kgs to get to normal!
Generally, Men are attracted to physical appearance. This isn’t a societal construct, it’s biology. Men’s desire in a mate is driven largely by a primal instinct to reproduce. If a potential female does not appear to be physically healthy, the male will not pursue said female. It simply doesn’t matter how great of a personality you have, men do not look at personality the same way women do when it comes to mate selection. Honestly, I’m sure you’re a wonderful person, but you can’t fight biology.
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If you are truly interested in losing weight for good this time, DO NOT start out by going to a gym. spend 3 months fixing your diet. DO NOT fall for a fad diet like keto, paleo, etc. Consult a nutritionist and develop a plan that works for you. Once your diet is rock solid, start weight training. When you are comfortable with eight training, introduce Low intensity steady state cardio. and just keep working
Ditch all processed sugars, the only thing that will help is going to be changing your diet. Excercise can come later if you want a more toned figure.
As far as appearance/weight, you will feel better and have more attention (which is what you say you want) the healthier you get. Because its a sign that you’re in control of your habits. Don’t believe the healthy at any size crap that is about nowadays. You’ll just make yourself more miserable.
Be the person that you want to date. Want a handsome guy? Then be a handsome woman that’ll get his underwear tight!
Good luck to you on your journey, it will take some hard choices and discipline.
Depends on the caliber of men you want to date. If you want to date obese men, ugly men, or men with obesity fetishes, then no it’s not a problem. If you want to date guys who are fit, and by normal standards attractive, then it’s probably a problem.
You’re right. You do need one serious relationship. With yourself. Once you fall in love with who you are and accept yourself and your journey, things will fall into place. It sounds cliché, it sounds simple, but it’s honestly the truth.
Live your life for you. Treat yourself and talk to yourself (inner-monologue) how you would a loved one. Good luck, OP.
Some people are shit at explaining why they do things. And…some people are just shit. If you’ve only ever had one relationship, it’s honestly difficult to determine any real reason as to why they broke up with you. Regardless, it’s just one guy. There’s like…a billion others. All with their own different taste in women. Don’t put so much pressure on yourself, and just keep on working on you. This is what I keep telling myself,lol.
I know many people won’t like the answer or think of me as a racist or whatever but I believe this to be true. (You’re welcome to try to change my view!)
Yes, looks are tremendously important. And imo beyond the generally accepted belief that it is just socialisation.
In many African and Arabian societies corpulent women are thought of as hot. For example in Mauritania young girls are [force-fed to get fat](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZM2q7XFOOgg) because most people believe being fat is attractive to men that are interested in marriage. The assumption is that a fat woman offers better chances of survival in regions with poor nutritional status and with many famines and their genes subsequently means their children have better chances of survival too. We have understood that children inherit some aspects/traits of their parents for thousands of years even though we knew nothing about genotypes and phenotypes or evolution. Subconsciously we select for the best possible mating partners depending on the environment in which we live in and in many parts of Africa that simply means fat women.
European (Caucasian) people’s subconscious selection process doesn’t care too much about food scarcity. The lush forests and meadow and also the vast steppes in Central Asia where Europeans come from are hoarding vast amounts of edible life (ruminant animals and later on anything grown through agriculture). Food was never an issue on a large scale. Famines were uncommon. Fatness was uncommon too since as a people of hunter-gatherers and cattle herders we moved a lot, say 30 km a day, and with agriculture manual labour was so hefty you needed > 3000 calories a day. Masai warriors still live like nomads as a people of sheepherders, they aren’t fat in any way. Sure, some Masai are westernized and fat, I’m talking about the ones who live in their traditional ways.
I believe the reason for keto + exercise being extremely effective and _pleasant_ measures to facilitate lower calories consumption and higher calories expenditure has something to do with simply being adapted to a life full of animal products + a lot of movement. Now with most people being rather slim and not having to fear you could starve tomorrow for whatever reason our eyes only see « fat » women if they are actually pregnant. 2 + 2 = 4 and that means fat women are already taken and not a viable option for mating.
I want to add that this just ontology, the description of something that is. I didn’t and won’t give a value judgement or a statement of how the world ought to be.
This may be an explanation as to why men on a superficial level aren’t interested in you. I also believe that interest on a strictly superficial level, i.e. when it’s just about the looks and smell (chemistry) and not about personality, is _necessary_ for the emergence of a romantic relationship. It’s also an explanation as to why fat men are still selected by Europeans. For a woman’s subconscious fat men equal rich men, not pregnant ones. (Although a muscular or intelligent men equals the promise of wealth which may be more important than actual wealth which explains why the selection for men isn’t strictly in favor of fat men.)
If this post makes you believe you’ll remain alone please know that this wasn’t my intention. I’d rather like to encourage you to visit /r/loseit. It’s possible, anyone can reach his ideal weight and that includes you.
I would work on proper eating habits ASAP.
At 24 I could eat a whole pizza for dinner each meal and not become overweight.
Only gets more difficult as you age.
There’s a good chance you have a hormonal issue such as PCOS, pituitary, thyroid, or adrenal gland issues.
Please talk to a doctor and get your hormones tested
In general obesity is compounded by four major factors
1) genetics/physiological factors. You can’t change your genetics but if you have a hormonal issue you need to get that checked out. Stop avoiding the possibility. Talk to a doctor.
2) Toxic or dysfunctional life situation with chronic emotional distress. This can often be a result of poor spending habits. This can often be a result of a poor boundaries with family or a job where your boss has boundary issues.
You need to remove or minimize the major sources of distress in your life. Look for a new job if necessary, if you dread going to work and talking to a certain person each day.
Minimize contact, go very low contact with toxic family members who cause you distress.
3) Excess sugar and processed foods, plus a lack of daily green vegetables.
Eat some greens every day. Cut sugar and sweets out of your diet as much as you can. At best use artificial sweeteners.
Stop drinking any soft drinks. Go tea or coffee. 100ml of a traditional cappuccino is much healthier than a liter of sugar soda.
Avoid prepackaged snacks. Fruits or vegetables.
There’s some evidence to suggest that
4)lack of daily cardio exercise, and a lack of outdoor exercise.
Create a simple exercise plan. If you want to lose weight you need to schedule a minimum of an hour of cardio daily. Preferably 90minutes.
This is definitely a toxic lifestyle factor.
So get rid of your social media apps, put down your phone, go outside and hop on your bicycle.
Please realize that if you were ‘perfect’ and dating somebody who up and left you without a word as to why, then it makes sense you were dating a shitty person. Don’t make excuses for him, just because you feel you have visible flaws. He’s still a shitty person for not having the decency to tell you he’s calling it off, regardless of how you feel about yourself.
Going forward, if you want to lose weight and keep it off, then you have to make a lifestyle change. I’m sure you’ve gotten plenty of advice from this thread.
Best of luck to you and finding happiness! I’m wishing for the best. Don’t sell yourself short.
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Im 6” 180lbs and I’m just not attracted to women who weigh more than 150lbs. I don’t think Iv ever really seen a skinny male who’s dating an over weight female. In my personal opinion if you continue to say obese you’ll only ever get attention from other obese men. Also exercise isn’t the only important thing to a health diet, eating healthy is very important if you plan to lose weight.
I’m not particularly attracted to heavy set girls but I know guys who are. Everybody is different and ultimately you should love yourself first and foremost.
Stop eating carbs and you will return to a healthy weight. It’s honestly that easy. Nothing else needs to change. Just stop eating all forms of carbohydrates.
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FYI, I have never dated or slept with a woman who weighed more than I did. Health is my most important value, and like most guys, I’m also visually attracted to women. I’ve never seen an overweight woman and found her attractive.
There is such a thing as sexual market value (SMV). When you’re overweight, poor, have a bad personality, bad hygiene, dress poorly, eat with your mouth open, etc. this lowers your SMV. In fact being obese is one of the worst things you can do to yourself in the dating world. And it, like the others, are things within your control.
Personally I don’t mind heavy chicks. I will say it lowers SMV but if you have a great personality, good job, dress well, and have manners – I can overlook that more easily. I’ll still encourage you to lose weight, cause it bothers me. It’s more of a health thing than an image thing (I might want to go hiking, walk around the city, ride gokarts – these are things heavier people have trouble with). I’ll still hook up with bigger girls if they’re lacking some of these, but a relationship is out – not to sound rude, but I can do better. I maintain my weight. I try to be a good person. Hygiene’s important to me, and I dress really well. I have manners, a ~~good~~ great job, and I’m fairly developed. If you wanted to date someone like me, you’d need plenty to offer.
So honestly, just lose weight. I know it’s hard, but as a former fat kid, the difference in how some people treat you is night and day! I like saying no to the superficial lot, cause I value substance over material things – but I do understand when I get rejected because of weight, attitude, or some other thing that I could control: we want what we want and often deserve what we get.