Dating : I’m tired of how bitter some men are
I need to vent for a moment.
I (24F) have been on dating apps on and off for years. Also been on Reddit forever.
I am so frustrated going on Reddit and seeing how bitter some men are here.
Just recently went to a post where one of the top comments are about how “all women cheat.” Almost every post has something like this, where men are simply hating on women because they’re alone and bitter. Grouping all women together how were judgmental, terrible at replying, ghost, etc. This is literally in the rules not to do this, yet I see it everywhere.
I’ve been cheated on, multiple times. I have had many men lead me on, lie to me, ghost me. I try to send thoughtful messages and often get no reply. I’m also tired of getting rejected. But you know what? Not all men are like this and not all men are bad.
So if women can accept that there are good guys out there, can men stop filling up dating subreddits about how terrible women are? I’m having a bad time dating too and just because I may have more options doesn’t mean they are quality options who actually treat me with respect, and coming onto a subreddit where an entire gender is hated on this much is ridiculous. If you wouldn’t say it to your sister or daughter, don’t say it to women on the internet. We’re real women too!
Thank you for reading 🙂
Yeah, OLD has left many bitter. What’s worse is that bitternes is brought to irl dating, leaving the modern dating scene a shit show.
I (23M) have been having a truly terrible time dating since my last relationship of four years ended, but oh my god, the posts you’re referring to seriously get under my skin. Really sours me on this sub, and I’d like to be able to come here for legitimate insight instead of broad generalizations and complaining.
Dating and relationship subreddits (especially the ones geared towards advice) tend to attract a certain type of person. Reddit is already male dominated, so it’s also mostly men. The majority of men who make up these subreddits are the ones who have the mindset you’re talking about.
While there are some really decent dudes on here too (that I have definitely come across and interacted with), they aren’t the majority — or maybe they are but they tend to stay silent and the complainers are a loud minority? Who knows.
Regardless as you said yourself, *some* men are bitter like this, but not all. Don’t let their negativity get you down and don’t waste your precious energy on getting annoyed by them. They’ll continue to exist regardless of what you or I say. Better to focus on yourself as well as finding those decent guys 🙂
Never listen to anyone that lumps people together in that way. We are all human and vastly different. It’s just a bunch of people probably in pain not realizing that are just projecting what happened to them on every single woman.
I just joined this sub after a divorce and i’m also kinda shocked at how normal it is for people to completely generalize about both men and women. It’s the only sub i’ve been on where it happens and i’m not a fan of it either. +1 to you.
Oh my god! I posted a similiar status but didnt have enough karma.
I remember seeing a post about how someones girlfriend was being funny about sex and never done it, and she told him she would try but then one day said he would just need to face that she cant have sex and to leave her if it he couldn’t handle it.
Instead of suggesting that she might have some sort if sexual trauma and to speak to her about what the issue was the advise was that she was a narcissist and that she was nasty for tricking him into thinking she was gonna have sex. I tried looking for comments disagreeing but they all agreed with this and that the girlfriend was evil for not wanting sex
Like this is just one example but I’ve seen so ma y posts/replies like this that just make me feel so sad and cant beleive how many men think like this? It makes me scared if this is how majority men think.
>If you wouldn’t say it to your sister or daughter, don’t say it to women on the internet. We’re real women too!
You hit the nail on the head. Many of the embittered men you talk about have completely dehumanised women. Or rather, specifically women they have a sexual interest in.
Its actually a pretty subtle type of hate, as these men could be completely normal to women they aren’t interested in. Thus it is very easy for them to rationalize that they just hate « cheating wh*res » not « women ». These men are often not misogynists in the true sense of the word. Though in practice they hate most young women.
People should just learn to stop running their mouth when they realize they are venting their frustrations by spouting hate. There are so many completely unproductive thinly veiled « venting » threads on this sub. I am not suprised you are about done with them.
I see what you mean. It adds a whole new level of negativity that’s hard to escape when you’ve been all the shit that other guys have been through. Obviously, I’ve been ghosted, cheated, stood-up and plain old hurt but it’s not a reason to just keel over and give up. I get why guys are salty, but you’re right it gets them nowhere
The more bitter threads are mostly written by men who consider themselves ugly and unworthy.
Very rarely I have seen a thread where OP only blames the women directly. It’s almost always that OP blames his looks, his financial status and his social incompetence.
There’s plenty of bitter women on dating apps too. People are bitter in general.
Check out female dating strategy
I had an argument with a friend the other day when he was saying women cheat way more than men. He was citing all the instances he knew of where cheating in a relationship occurred. Granted, he has seen women cheat a vast majority of the time. But I’ve seen it pretty equally, if not men cheating more often in the examples I’ve seen in my life. My point to him was that’s only what he has seen from a very small sample size. It’s people that suck. Not team women and not team men. Probably half the women and men out there are shitty partners.
I hate to see other bitter men, i hate that my life is the way it is too. I figure most people, on average move thru periods of bitterness until they can outgrow unfortunate circumstances or come to terms with them.
Maybe the posts you are reading spawn from those weak moments as opposed to good times where people posts on another sub about his passion.
Entitled people tend me be very loud and very wrong with little to no self awareness. So they populate subreddits with threads they believe are right and there’s usually a few others to agree with them. And whenever the thread doesn’t go how they expected they get angry and argue with everyone refusing to have any introspection.
It much easier for some users to coddle their feelings in an echo chamber with made up statistics a few internet social experiments “studies” than to admit that perhaps they’re not an ideal partner and what they’re looking for just isn’t readily available figure out how to move forward.
I hope one day these men you’re referring to can genuinely just admit to themselves that they hate women. They don’t respect them, they’re not genuinely interested in them, and they’re after what a woman can give them and how it looks to other men. And then they can choose to just not pursue the women they hate so much. So many perform for other men and it’s bizarre to me. Like their actions are genuinely motivated by what other men may think of them.
I think things would improve for more people if they felt they had a community in which they belonged to, where they could experience platonic friendship, accountability and a variety of people from different backgrounds so they could get a better perspective outside the very specific social media they follow.
My least favourite cliche on here is that women can just find someone any time they want.
No we can’t!
There’s plenty of guys out there that aren’t like this, they’re just not posting in the places you’ve mentioned. Reddit has a way to funnel the incels to certain posts and they unload their misery into these types of conversations.
What I think is sad is that people get so down on themselves that they think about ending their life over not finding someone to date. Do people not realize that even if you do find someone to date that it’s never perfect? There are a ton of people who dated and divorced and are SO HAPPY being single and living their own life doing their own thing. There is so much more to life than finding a significant other. I think that people get obsessed with the idea and then it becomes their life goal… Which then makes them bitter and undesirable.
I mean, everyone is bitter not just men; dating these days is hard for everyone and I’m sure most can attest to how frustrating and time consuming it is. Men are also always at a disadvantage because of the horrible men:women ratio specifically on apps.
What I find so fascinating though, is just how many people out there are looking for something real and will go somewhere (aka Reddit), but then all those same people are struggling. You would think one of these people would meet each other and have it workout.
To be fair, I don’t think women can comprehend how bad some guys have it. There a *lot* of guys out there who don’t just get rejected, but often girls they match with in OLD don’t even reply to their messages, and that’s if they even get any matches at all. It’s very common for guys to go months and months before getting just 1 match. Meanwhile, even the most average of girls would be lucky (unlucky?) to get less than 200 a month.
You would have to have incredibly strong willpower to not become bitter in these situations.
Don’t believe the constant reinforcing of negative biases. You got dis.
It’s tough-as though, I got attracted to searching online for either people in similar situations to connect in some way, to see if I wasn’t alone and was met with a surprising (and also some not surprising) amounts of vitriol between sex’s on Reddit in particular,
I mean,
I’m surprised that there have to be rules to specifically address this,
But I’m also not surprised the best of the keyboard warriors are having a tough time and lash out the only way they know how.
For some context,
I’m male, straight, single, fairly happy and equally unhappy, I’m a performer (so certainly not shy), and spent the pandemic re-evaluating myself in some pretty strong aspects in my life,
Like my career, as no one needed a venue singer or show host in a pandemic
And my love life, because a global disaster really puts things in perspective, almost dying alone for one…
…the real f-ing nightmare for some.
So, vent, please vent and get it all out there. I’m glad you do as well as others, the world looks too perfect through a black mirror,
We need to see the right kind of frustration shouted through the blank text box aimed squarely at a Reddit sky,
Not at each other because of stupid misogynist and missandirst rhetoric.
Amen sis. And good luck, the right one (or two) is out there.
And it’ll be a long life, if you play your cards right.
X
[removed]
Reddit attracts people (Men and women) that are generally unattractive and unsuccessful at dating. Of course there is tons of bitterness on all sides.
There are plenty of posts from women complaining about dating as well.
Preach!
I always say bitterness is a sign of a weak mind. I don’t want to date someone with either of those traits, so fuck em’. We don’t need that negativity.
Yeah I have had a couple of dudes acting really strange to me on Reddit. Like irrationally angry, projecting a shit ton of feeling on to me. Look I get that it’s hard but for women dating is hard too. I feel like a lot of men like to act as a victim and put the « she put me in the friend zone » card up. Like yeah, not everyone will wanna bang you, it’s everyone’s right to reject someone.
I had a guy match me yesterday, said he’s single for 4 years and rarely gets a match… He unmatched me hours later!
It’s tough dating as a woman, I get matches, but at least 50% only want sex or conversation turns sexual within a few minutes.
I get guys who match from miles away, who don’t read my bio, who don’t have a bio of their own. Guys who can’t hold a conversation or ask a question, guys who want cuddles (turn off!)
There’s quantity, but not always quality!
Ghosting sucks, but if a convo is going nowhere and they unmatch you or just stop responding, that’s not ghosting, it’s not wasting energy on non compatible people.
Also it’s a real turn off if a guy tells me he has no matches; he might be a great guy, but now I’m wondering if he likes me at all or just accepting so he has a date.
Tbf we don’t have bots though or people asking us for money – well at least people I know.
Those are the type of guys who feel bad for themselves because they can’t get a woman, but then they also don’t want to change the things that make them unappealing, such as that very same shitty mindset, instead they just feel bad for themselves, AGAIN.
I have no remorse for these people.
You’re correct saying the majority of comments are negatively generalizing women on the topic of relationship. I’ve already read quite a few comments today. In fact, the majority of post here are made by men. Therefore, an higher rate of male solidarity forms. Spewing their failures on the opposite.
Not all women can accept that not all men are like your experiences.
Not all men can not be bitter about their own experiences.
I don’t think anyone wants to date bitter people, but that’s also probably not 100% accurate.
This should honestly be stickied. You cant get jaded in dating, it wont help in the future. You might meet the girl/guy that could be a perfect match but you let yourself get in the wrong headspace and screw it up
Great post OP!
I respect your vent, but I’ve read vent posts and comments about men and women. I haven’t seen it dominated against one sex in particular.
I think the main thing everyone should remember, we’re all human, we’re all trying to figure stuff out, but there are also ways to treat others. My philosophy when treating friendly people I’m dating/thinking of ending things with, treat them the way I would want to be in that situation, and reflect on the stuff you’ve done before, blaming them for something they potentially did not do. Perhaps you did (I don’t mean you personally. It’s a generalization). I think men and women are too quick to end things and blame the other person at times. This is a shitty thing to do to someone.
In terms of people comparing being ghosted without ever meeting someone or after one single date, I can’t entirely agree with them. That’s way too soon into anything to be pissed, but just like you’re venting now, others do have the right to vent on stuff like that or else there wouldn’t be that option, lol.
Anyways, I’ve always felt men and women are the same. I’m also at a point where I may give up dating for a bit. It’s sort of a free-for-all, and I also don’t like how some people can normalize lousy behaviour.
It stems from the fact that women simply have more opportunities. For every woman a guy talks to, she has at least 10 other guys chasing her, especially on OLD.
Never sort by best or top answer, always go by controversial as they are the most level headed responses.
I’m tired of women thinking they’re gods gift to guys for simply existing. Like be about something,show your worth, show you care about your man, don’t annoy him. Good guys will be there.
Obviously shit people exist on both sides, but it’s hard to find good woman when they all think they deserve the world just for being a female.