Dating : I’m tired of missing the person I was dating before

Dating : I’m tired of missing the person I was dating before

When negative stuff happens with the new person in dating, it reminds me that I may never get back what I had before.

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What do you think?

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  1. If the old person was so great why didn’t it work out? I think you’re focusing on the negatives of the new one and the positives of the old.

  2. sounds like you need some more time before you start dating again. the wounds might be too fresh.. then you’re just projecting onto someone instead of possibly adapting to someone new and how they are as a person. give it more time, be sad and focus on you being happy again alone first.

  3. Life is a constant process of recreating yourself. Before I started dating again, I was stuck in a rut. I didn’t recognize it at the time, but what was really going on was I was « content » with my routine. I’d work, do stuff, repeat.

    Since I started dating again, I embarked and a brand new adventure. I focus much less on work, myself, and maintaining a social life. I focus on women, dating, and just having fun. It’s a nice change of pace!

    I’ll be honest, at the start of it, I freakin hated it. I was excited, because things were « new » (I’d stopped dating for basically 5 years), but what I’ve learned since coming back has been a HUGE influence on my decisions. I’m no longer stupid when it comes to people. I’m much more aware of myself and other people, plus I no longer worry about things working out. I just put my best foot forward (or whatever I’m willing to give), and things tend to work in my favor. I find regular hookups, talk with dozens of people (hundreds since starting back), and honestly my life has changed ‘for the better’. I’m not the person I was, but you know what? That person was sort of a dip shit. He was way too trusting, needy, clingy, and lacked self-respect (I *liked* *myself* and was a good person, but now I’ve learned boundaries, not to be too easy, and how to kick the crap out of people mistreating me by telling them like it is/ejecting them from my life). It’s actually been a godsend – very eye opening – and I feel more « awake ». It isn’t as pretty as the fairy tale I was living in, but it’s **real**. For better or worse, I’ve chosen the red pill and live life more aggressively. I also dress nicer, keep a cleaner house, take pride in (take care of) my things, and have a much better sense-of-self than I did before. It’s now based in reality – 100% – and I can influence the world around me with precision. I didn’t have that before – not nearly this level – and I’m glad that I do. I suffer less, win more, and live life « to the fullest » – whatever that means lol

  4. Same feels here. It was the first girl I had a relationship with and I really didn’t appreciate her enough. She actually liked me for me, and the look in her eye every time she saw me was genuine excitement.

    We broke up because I was a terrible boyfriend and just didn’t appreciate her. It was best to let her go to actually be happy with someone who could give her the time she deserves.

    Now I’m struggling to even get dates and when I do. I can’t help be realise that they ain’t her. They don’t have the same energy and good vibes.

    Perhaps she was the first and only for me and I was to self absorbed in my own business to realise it.

  5. I think you can recognize that there were certain qualities you valued in an ex, but also acknowledge there are reasons why it did not work out.

    It’s so easy to focus on the positives when you’re having difficulty moving on. But every time you find yourself feeling nostalgic for all the good aspects of your past relationship, remind yourself why it didn’t work out.

    It’ll work out for you! I hate to use a cliche, but it really does happen when you least expect it.

  6. Ya, I feel ya dude. Stopped dating for 3 years and met a woman out of the blue. We dated for 3 months and it was probably the best I’ve ever had dating someone and I’ve dated a good amount, in my past, and have had mostly 1-3 year relationships. She just blew me away. Well, almost 5 months ago it had ended and I recently started a hinge account, and all I can think about is her and wondering if I want to try again. When I met her it was more through a family friend that invited us to her holiday thing and we hit it off. Like I said before I hadn’t dated in three years and I didnt care but when I met her it changed. Just makes me think I’m trying to date again because I miss her and I’m still trying to stop missing her.

  7. I feel ya, it’s like a revolving door though, you miss the good memories so much that you’re willing to forget the bad ones, makes you ignore the reason why you broke up in the first place

  8. We are one in the same the same boat brother. Been on the same journey as you my friend. Finding the light in each day can get tough but that’s how the cookie crumbles. I’ve definitely been wanting to pick that book up and most likely will get it soon enough. We’ll come out this better than what we anticipated, just need the patience for it. Just gotta adjust and move forward, can’t dwell on the past too much and stay focused on what’s in front of us. Everything will fall into place.

  9. I needed this thread today. Thanks all for your words of wisdom and sharing your experiences. It’s comforting knowing I’m not alone. Stay strong!

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