Dating : I’m too nice?
Ok, I have to vent and ask a question. I met this girl about two months ago. We have been out numerous times. After the third date she tells me she wants to keep things as friends. I said that was fine, can always use a friend. We have been out on two « friend dates ».
Finally I asked her what it was that put me in the friend zone. Something I would like to know so I watch what I do next time. She says she is not use to guys being so nice. I buy meals, I brought flowers the first date. All things I do if I feel there is a connection, which there was for the two weeks we spoke on the phone before we met IRL.
So my question is…. Is there a thing as being to nice? I behave the way I was raised. I open doors, I walk on the outside, I pay for meals. All standard things, or so I thought. What say you? What should I do next time?
She’s just not into you. It’s one of those things where if she was into you, the things you do would be cute and thoughtful, but since she’s not they’re probably annoying and “too nice.”
Trust me, there’s no such thing as being “too nice.” It could be that you’re smothering her. It’s good to be thoughtful and nice, but to an extent. Don’t overdo it!
Also I’d like to add that flowers are a bit much for date 1. Even two. I would wait a bit longer for gifts 🙂
Sometimes, bringing flowers on the first date and all that attention, when you haven’t yet worked your way up to a mutual romantic connection, can feel like pressure to someone who is still testing out how they feel. It pushes things into a romantic zone that is beyond where she is at yet, and the anxiety of not having the breathing room to get to know you without pressure to reciprocate may cause her to shut down and decide not to pursue it further for fear of disappointing you. So while I don’t think you can be too nice once you are in a romantic relationship with someone who respects you and is nice back, and you sound great for someone to be in a relationship with, I do think you can inadvertently be « too nice » at the very beginning of something. Save the flowers for after the first kiss, and let the first kiss come organically, when it’s obvious she is into you. Let her feel she’s winning a prize and hold back a little in the beginning. The flowers will also mean a lot more if they come once she’s into you more. This is the same in men and women. Everyone wants to feel a little bit of the excitement of a chase, whether they know it or not. It’s human nature. But opening doors is always nice! Keep being polite. This woman may not have been into you, but another one will be. Gentlemen who respect women are a scarcity these days, as are kind, respectful young women. If you stay unjaded and polite, you’ll eventually find each other. Like attracts like.
From my personal experience, flowers on first date is an absolute tremendous turn off.
I tried it once because I did not know any better.
I dont even know too nice is an issue?lol I love when someone wants to go on a date date, and shows so much interests and pays attention to details. I haven’t been on dates where guys put that much effort like you did, except my ex bf, who I still think about frequently.
When my ex bf started asking me on dates, he did the exact same things (except the flowers, he brought my favorite CD, I was in shocked, but thought it was the sweetest thing ever), the attraction didnt decrease, in fact, it increased dramatically because it showed that he was really looking for something serious and long term. And I felt comfortable to give him my full attention, effort, time..etc too. We became really close quickly and our chemistry was off the chart. I guess in my case, both of our interest and attraction were super high and we were both looking for something serious and long term, so that worked for us?
Marry me! Lol I’m jk keep being you!
Keep being you! Honestly I think it just depends on where a woman is in her life. Idk how old you are, but if you’re early 20s, women you’re dating might not really want anything super serious or committed. A lot of women just want to have fun at that stage in their lives… doesn’t mean you shouldn’t keep being the super nice guy you are. The more you date, the more you’ll meet women who are ready for a more committed situation and they will really really appreciate how sweet you are to them.
Try not paying for the meals and do seperate checks.
« Too nice » means you didn’t create any/enough sexual tension. How often did you playfully tease, banter or talk dirty with her?
How much were you pursuing her before you went out on the date?
Did you ever show sexual intent or interest?
Your marriage potential and she has cumdumpster written across her forehead. Pass dude!
Women are attracted to bad men. Yes, you being nice killed her attraction.
Too nice means you aren’t generating any energy other then being a friend. A tip is to not accept friendzone because it just causes people to not have any attraction to you. Flowers on first date is like auto friend zone.
its all about the energy you radiate. being nice is not a characteristic, it is a base you build upon. its a start. ONLY a start.
flowers is a nice touch, even if too early but is there something playful too? something that tells her you want her as a partner?
tl;dr = a friend does not a partner make
It’s as simple as this…. you don’t get her Pussy wet…..
here’s another tip….. other than working on being the best you (socially, mentally, physically, financially) there’s nothing you can do to fix that…. no amount of radio silence, negging, flirting, dates, good morning texts, or gifts will change that
How did you felt that there was a connection!?? What made you feel that way about her!?! Just curious..
And I think that if u are confused about the whole situation that means she probably doesn’t like u. She only wants u as a freind. There are so many guy freinds that I have and they are super nice but I would never have that attraction towards them… I would say it’s ur decision at this point. U can either keep her as a freind or if u want more than a freindship than let her know that either u would like her as ur gf or nothing at all.
I am one of those “ too nice people too”, and men just see that as soo adorable. But then they just want sex. Ya no, I want the commitment first. But as a woman, flowers are way too soon. You have great intentions though. Be friends with her first (that’s what many of us women want). We want to be friends first and then date.