Dating : Is it okay to take the leadership role in dating as a woman?
Hello I have been dating this man for a few weeks and well…we have such kind respect for each other.
He just wants to make sure I am comfortable. I can see in his language, he just wants to enjoy my company and doesn’t want to do anything that would make me feel pressured/uncomfortable. We are taking things slower than you usually would with someone, because I think we both realise that this is something very special and we don’t want to screw it up.
​
Because of his respectful behaviour, I feel like he will feel right if I give him the green light on something. For me to give the green light, it puts me in a leadership role I feel.
​
As a woman that mostly gets to choose what style of dates to go on, when the kiss will happen, etc…I want to ask if it is okay for me to do so. My intuition says it’s fine pretty much, but because of my past relationships failing, I get pretty bad anxiety and >think I would push him away if I do too much<. I read about men having doing the chasing, but I feel like it’s a good thing for me to take the lead and decide what we do. Is this okay??
​
Or maybe I am deluded? I have been deluded in the past, so that’s why I second guess myself.
So I exactly like the guy in this situation. And I usually don’t try anything until I am given a clear green light. And then after I’m given the go the first time I am usually a lot more forward. Maybe try green lighting it and see if he takes more control if you are still unsure about just asking to do so.
Having gone on a few dates, I like getting direct feedback on where my date wants to go and i like it if my date takes the lead. It’s not that I don’t like researching the location, or what to do but it’s actually quite stressful to do all that thinking. Sometimes I don’t want to think and just follow 😛
Yes. Take it.
I’m basically terrified of trying anything with a woman in case it’s received/interpreted as some form of, idk, assault?, oppression?, discrimination? Something. Yes Means Yes. Anything and everything else is a No. (This was one of the reasons my last gf left me; I never initiated anything.)
So if he’s even half as bad as me you’re going to need to give him that green light or you’re not going anywhere.
If you lead you’ll loose attraction to him over time
Yes it is.
​
BUT
​
Let’s dig deeper.
​
We need to talk about the two sexual energies: Masculine and Feminine. (the MOST important concept regarding relationships, one which most people don’t really understand).
​
Leadership is a masculine trait. So is decisiveness. So is confidence. So is risk taking.
​
By taking the lead, you are filling the masculine role.
​
If this comes NATURALLY to you, that’s great. If so, it’s probable that YOU are primarily masculine. That’s great.
​
This means that in order for you to have a sustainable, longterm relationship, you will want to be dating a primarily FEMININE man.
​
If you do, there will be polarity and passion. GREAT.
​
If, instead, you date a primarily masculine man, there will be two masculine energies and absolutely no polarity and things will eventually fall apart due to lack of passion.
​
HOWEVER.
​
If you are primarily feminine and you are stepping into your masculine energy out of necessity, just to move things along, you are dating « nice guys » who you WILL lose attraction and respect for because you won’t feel safe and comfortable with them since they can’t make a decision, show no confidence, and won’t take a risk. You will never feel safe with a man like that because if any challenge or danger presents itself, he’ll become a blubbering mess.
​
So the question is, are you primarily masculine? If so, take the lead but make sure you are dating feminine men.
​
If not, then you just need to find masculine men who are confident and decisive
​
If you want to understand the two sexual energies better, I’ve written and article + video here:
[http://www.stevenmarkryan.com/131-2/](http://www.stevenmarkryan.com/131-2/)
seems fine to for you to making the decisions. what do you consider respectful behavior?
Give the green light for what? Why are you speaking in riddles? Just tell us what you want to do, so we can ascertain whether it’s ok to lead.
it sounds like in this case you may have to