Dating : It feels like the person I’m dating is putting all the responsibilities onto me.
Yesterday evening I went out with a girl that I’ve been dating and while we were coordinating transportation because we were going into the downtown area where it’s hard to park, I mentioned that afterward we could take the train back to the station near me and I could drive her back since we do that when we spend time together. She told me that it wouldn’t be necessary since she could probably get back on her own using her train and bus route. Where we were meeting at was the midpoint between both our houses.
Well it turns out, she didn’t know the way and had me help her. As we were walking, she turns to me and tells me that she wants me to get on with her at the stop. When we made the plans initially, I wasn’t expecting her to stay over or for me to stay over there since I don’t like to do it when I’m in humid and hot weather all day. Especially at her place because it’s typical for women to live with their families until they get married here. Anyways, we are riding across town and eventually get to her house when she turns around and thanks me for getting her home. She then asks me how I’m getting home. Had it been the middle the day and not the early morning hour, then I would have returned the way I came even if it would have been a 90-120 minute trip. Being the early morning, that meant public transportation was closing so I ended up having to call a cab to go across town which was expensive. This was an evening where I paid for our dinner, drinks, and show so it was unexpected and she didn’t offer to help. To top of it off she only kissed me goodnight on the cheek.
I’ve just felt the need to vent since everything could have been avoided had I just driven as I originally suggested. She also hasn’t offered to pay for much when we go out which sometimes makes me wonder if she’s really serious about this. Her suggesting that she pay next time for running with her around time and taking an expensive cab ride home or her offering me a ride home since her family has a vehicle would have been appreciated.
You have two choices. Either you bring it up with her or you end it. Depending on how long you have been dating and how much she knows about you I would assume she has a fair idea of your financial situation. If she does and is behaving in this way then she simply hold old fashioned expectations of men. Keep in mind someone with such expectation of a man is unlikely to change that perspective. You need to decide what qualities you want a gf before you move forward. What is the worse that can happen if you bring it up. If she disagrees on sharing expenses then she isn’t the person for you and you end it anyway.
>To top of it off she only kissed me goodnight on the cheek.
Can’t expect anything just because you paid. If that’s the case, you’re better off a paying an escort for about the same amount you spent on the date. If you ever get to the point where you think you should get something sexual because you bankrolled the date, you should really just consider escorts.
>She also hasn’t offered to pay for much when we go out which sometimes makes me wonder if she’s really serious about this.
I had this happen with a recent ex. I don’t mind paying most of the time, but she wasn’t even saying thank you. So I did something a little different. One time she said she was hungry. We went to a restaurant, but I told her I wasn’t particularly hungry (it wasn’t a date per se, we had just met up because we were both in the vicinity). So she said, well at least accompany me with something. So this time she ended up paying. After that, she started paying for things more often. I accomplished something without actually making an issue out of it. If you always pay, and don’t feel like she is appreciative of it and not really into the relationship, then you need to tell her outright or just drop her and move on.
Communication is key. Tell her how you feel
I would bring up the topic in a straightforward manner, and not blame/be angry. Get the current situation out in the open, and try to get to a resolution (but not necessarily restitution). It sounds like a first strike scenario. I would also put it out that for a practical reason, to take into account the transportation concerns and that going forward, you’re going to assume that she can’t get home. You can even wrap it up as you being gallant/a gentlemen and making sure she’s getting home on time/safely.
All else fails, I’d point blank say that I don’t want to be stuck with the commuting nightmare that you went through this time. If she throws a fit/refuses to take that into account, you’ve probably found your answer about whether this girl is right for you or not.