Dating : It’s just weird trying to talk to a stranger
Join gym, classes, groups, etc. People who are saying this, have they tried it themselves? Have you guys ever been to a group sessions or classes? People only talk to their own social circle. It’s so awkward and creepy to force yourself way into a stranger’s social group.
It’s also extremely difficult too, it’s always the same o regular small talk. Does anyone else think « join a gym, hiking, new hobbies, class, etc » is a horrible advice to meet ppl?
I’ve managed to make conversations with other men at the gym, grocery store, but nothing super substantial and nothing with any women. I don’t think it’s the worst advice but it’s not some magic solution, because nothing is. The point of the advice is to help you reach out to people and work your social muscles. Environment and schedule is going to affect how well this works for dating for you, though. When I do go out I’ll be lucky if I see a couple women around my age (early 20s), so meeting a potential date like this is nearly impossible for me. YMMV
This isn’t instant gratification. Takes months. But then you’ll be in that social circle.
gym, hiking, new hobbies, class, etc are most advice to meet people -and I speak from experience. I had no social network after I was separated. Now three years later I have a couple dozen friends. But it took months.
Gyms are tough. People are there to workout. Classes or group activities may take a few (4 or 5) meetings before people open up.
Gyms aren’t necessarily ideal because everyone is usually focused on working out (either alone or with their buddies), but classes and other group-oriented environments are better because it’s considered less awkward to start a conversation with a stranger there, especially if there’s a common project or effort that involves some level of communication (school presentations, for instance, etc.).
That being said, it’s not the best way for everyone to make friends. Some people are really eager to meet new people wherever they go, and some people are hell-bent on keeping to themselves. Most people are in between, but even then it can be intimidating to walk up to a stranger and make conversation, especially if you’re uncomfortable.
I’d say put yourself in social situations where you are comfortable/confident (either irl or virtual), and go from there. People dig other people when they’re relaxed and confident, not when they’re tense and nervous.
Depends on the environment but yeah in Yoga I went to it was rather hard. I mean look I approach people everywhere I go but Yoga class was one of the most difficult places of them all. They talk to their friend they came with, no talking during class, if you talk before class during prep everyone and their mom are listening to it (which I dont really mind but makes the woman uncomfortable), it’s sweaty and afterwards it’s dark.
In language classes on the other hand I’ve had a blast meeting new people.
I found the magic. Hear me out. I know it’s kinda weird. Go to a country line dancing bar and get really good. I don’t even like country. But when you’re really good at what everyone else wants to learn, they will approach you. I suppose this could apply to a few things but gyms are tough cause they are known for creepy dudes asking girls out. You gotta do niche community things like rock climbing or book clubs and then just get really good at it. OR at least have the semblance of looking like you want to be better. Like if you genuinely (and humbly) ask a cute girl how to do a line dance she will see that you’re not a creep and probably teach you.
I’m not really sure what you mean by this honestly. I’d like to give an example.
I play golf a ton, I work on a golf course too. I play alone often times while most people play with others. I catch up to them and often times they invite me to go along with them (this is usually a courteousy and isn’t because im so charming). I’ve played with drinking buddies, property owners, retirees, college athletes and so on. I could choose to play through and not converse with them but I like doing it, so I do. Never had anyone be rude or aggressive, everyone is more or less pleasant and conversational. Some people keep it breif, others really like to talk.
My point being is that it’s largely awkward because your perception of it is awkward and (maybe) you think you are an awkward person/are being awkward in the moment. The reality is, your perception is yours and people are much more comfortable with you than you think. Human beings are pretty good at sussing each other out quickly and unless you give off really creepy/threatening vibes, I highly doubt most people are turned off by you striking up a conversation with them in whatever context it maybe. Infact, some might be flattered.
My favorite advice is to date yourself 🙂 don’t go out with the intention of meeting new peoples. Let it come naturally.
In real life you meet people who participated in long term shared experiences (school, work, church, sports teams etc) or you get introduced by mutual friends. Cold approaching random strangers on the street is especially strange in most countries and only slightly less strange in the US.
There isn’t a significant enough in-group effect for people in a gym or using a meet up group, or going to a bar and that’s why it’s much harder to make friends there. Exceptions come if you provide a lot of value, either by being really attractive or having some sort of recognizable social status (being the bar owner, being a celebrity). Think about how dating apps suck for most guys, it’s because you don’t demonstrate enough value through looks and status to overcome that whole stranger thing.
I’m gonna be honest, a lot of advice given to people struggling with dating is straight garbage invented by and for PUA types whose goal is to rack up 100 numbers and 1000 rejections. Or especially as bad it’s shitty platitudes from people who want you to stop whining about your problems, and some advice is just people pushing their culture war political views on you.
As the old adage goes: « If you don’t talk to strangers you’ll never make any friends ».
Saying hello to someone or being *genuinely interested* in what they are doing shouldn’t be a creepy or awkward experience. The problem is most people are self-centered and actually have no interest in learning anything about anyone these days.
Truth be told many people actually *HATE* the whole meeting and getting to know new people.
They just want to « *fast forward* » to being in a committed relationship.
Maybe if they simply « pumped the brakes » and just *focused on having fun* while attending hobby/interest groups they might enjoy gradually getting to know new people.
Hopefully you’re choosing activities *you* actually enjoy doing.
Having a common interest is a good starting point for forming new friendships and relationships.
If you want to meet a certain type of person you have to *run in their same circles*.
**(A lot of people want change in their life without having to make any changes.)**
*** »The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon, but that we wait so long to begin it. »*** – W.M. Lewis
***The world may not owe you anything but you owe yourself the world!*** – Kevin Darné
Best wishes!
I think it’s fairly simple, you just have to NOT be creepy and awkward. Smile and be approachable.
Its getting comfortable with a lot of rejection or at least not feeling a part of the group. Finding friends as an adult is not so different from dating. Its exhausting 99% of the time and can feel even more isolating when putting yourself out there over and over again, but when it works its great.
Ive found i have more trouble moving from the acquaintance to friend stage more than the stranger to friendly face stage. Getting conversations going past small talk or the current events of the activity were at makes me feel like the most socially awkward person on the planet.
As an adult Im finding im good at making friends the way people recommend but it never lasts much longer than what ever brought us together. Changing jobs or gyms, book clubs disbanding, people moving or having kids etc turns us back into acquaintances. Its so exhausting and disheartening having to find new friend groups every few years.
Lol you still have to say hi and introduce yourself and get to know people
You do it through repeated exposure. If the classes or event is once a week it may take months or even a year to start forming the basis of a true friendship with someone in the group and getting into their circle. If it is a genuine friendship that lasts that circle can open up a lot of doors over time through friends of friends and more events etc.
It is a big investment so you better like to socialize in that arena and be looking for a relationship over a hook up because hookups that go bad could mess up a social circle that took time to get into.
Hooks up are you are better online, bars, clubs.
Yes, that’s how it is to make friends as an adult. That’s the only way to meet people, so if you know a better way, please share.
Hiking, run groups, churches after service, basically anything where people are doing something else but able to talk for a sustained amount of time… great ways to meet people if you put yourself out there.
Gyms… people go to get in and out. Group classes they often take with friends.
It’s supposed to be easy because ur challenging ur comfort zone.
And no it’s not a horrible advice. Maybe you should just keep going and with time it’s gonna get easier. So please shut up and stop demotivating people.
I mean if you wanna die alone in a room all alone by yourself that’s fine, do it.