Dating : It’s my first date as an adult, I have questions.
Hello! Okay, I (29, let’s say M for our purpose) have started talking with a woman (25, cis) on a dating app, and we’re going on a date next week! Funny thing: we both go to the same uni, she has seen me before but I never saw her. Anyway. I think we’re both uncomfortable with this, and we also have a lot in common so I’m pretty excited. Also, it’s my first date in 10 years, I’ve been single for 5 years, and I want to make sure I don’t do anything weird. I’ve met some people between then and now, but it involved alcohol, now I’m sober. I’m not especially awkward socially, but I feel like an alien when it comes to dating, I struggle to understand what’s normal and what’s not.
I offered to see each other. I was thinking of going to an exhibition, this way we’ll have topics of conversation about even if things don’t work out.
* What are cues for kissing?
* What’s the normal duration for a first date?
* How much dressed up do I need to be? It’s summer so there will be chances of hot weather. I don’t have a lot of money and I can’t afford really nice clothes. Also despite antiperspirant I can sweat like a pig. Would it be considered rude if I dress like I would do in normal life?
* More general question: is holding hands still a thing?
* How personal can the conversation be? I have the tendency of going too quickly in sensitive (important) topics. I don’t think I’m creepy, but a WASP woman (which my date is not) did call me « earthy » once.
* How to help someone feel comfortable during a date?
* What could be a sign of boredom or disappointment? It feels like talking about the dating app or stuff like that during a date is a sign of boredom.
Thanks so much for your help! I don’t want to screw this up just because I don’t get social rules and norms. If that matters for context, I’m in western Europe.
Hey OP, first of all good luck for your date!
I’m no real expert (and single atm) but have been on numerous OLD dates so as a 32F I’ll try to answer based on my past experiences.
>How much dressed up do I need to be?
Personnaly I wouldn’t care if you are dressed as usual, even more if the date is an exhibition. I would say « nice usual » is a good start for a first date.
>What are cues for kissing?
I would say: if she stare at your lips..
If she brushes « unintentionally » against you (like her arms against yours while watching the art, put her hands on your arms when she talks, physically come closer than your friends) that would be a clue she’s attracted..
Here (Switzerland) I would also say, when you say good bye if she hesitate before kissing your cheeks but don’t know how you say goodbye where you live.
>What’s the normal duration for a first date?
I personally always prepare a door out (like, oh BTW I have this thing in 2hours) if the date is really shitty. But then if the date is great it can really last from 1hour to 5 ahaha!
And then, I think it really depends on the people. So, try to not overthink everything (hard, I know) and be yourself cause in the end, if she likes you, better be because you’re who you are.
Good luck! Keep us updated