Dating : Men only want me for sex .
I wasn’t too attractive, I didn’t know how to dress and I kind of goofy and awkward in my high school and college days. Now in my late 20s, I’ve grown so much in my confidence, I workout, I’m fit. And many say I am beautiful.
Now with this new found glow up, I get a lot of attention from men online and in person. The problem I’m having is I feel like they don’t like me for me. They only talk to me because they see me as the sex symbol and just want to have sex instead of get to know me. Almost like a fetish. How can I prevent this?
If you look good, you look good. Love the new you, friend.
My best friend looks like a real live Barbie, and she never knows why people are being nice to her. She doesn’t know if they want or expect something from her. People will run in to things/other people whipping their head around to look at her if she walks by on the street. It’s really wild to observe. I look fine, and I don’t envy the attention she gets *at all*. That probably sounds like I’m not being honest, but it looks genuinely awful—she isn’t just distracting visually, she is a truly wonderful person. It’s hard to watch her treated like…. a particularly shiny thing.
She’s happily married now because she realized she has so many options that she doesn’t have to worry about the men that only want her for sex. They’re not her problem or responsibility to cater to. What worked for my friend is very clear and specific boundaries re: date locations (in public until there’s a real connection) and sex (never before you have said real connection—this can be annoying, but it’s a boundary worth holding in your situation). You had to develop a personality because you had to work for your looks. You will find someone great. You don’t have to be a sex object because some dude thinks you should. You don’t owe anyone sex *ever*. Wish the f boys *good day*. Don’t take their shallow personalities personally.
I’m not sure you can prevent them from wanting just that. You can make them wait but even then some guys will put in the work as long as it takes to get sex.
You just have to filter hard.
5000 year old problem for the ladies
I agree with ‘you have to filter hard’. I also have this problem and it feels like entrapment- they lie about wanting a relationship, I make them wait for intimacy, then once they get it you don’t hear from them. Strategies could be never giving someone the time of day if they don’t ask you anything about yourself. Learning to test them early on, guys who just want sex don’t like relationship questions – ask a lot of those and see what answers they come up with. Most of the time it will be them trying to manipulate you into believing they want the same things as you. Best of luck.
Delete the gym.
Hit up.
Lawyer Facebook.
Lol. But seriously just keep doing your own thing, being fit, beautiful, healthy, and attractive. Be assertive and tell off anyone who gives you unwanted attention.
May I ask in what context these guys are conversing with you with the sole motive of sex? Have you had irl interactions where a guy simply wants to chat for the sake of chatting?
For online apps just block whoever you want to block.
Keep your boundaries set in stone, and whatever you do, don’t have sex until you’re truly ready.
I have this same problem as you and I’m 28F. The last guy that did this to me actually really hurt me a lot, I’m still not over it and I feel like a complete fool. We just really need to filter hard, set better boundaries and the good ones will wait it out and prove they want to get to know us as people not just as objects to add on their list.
How are you meeting these guys? How do you find out they only want you for sex?
Stop swiping on just “models” or fuckboys on dating apps.
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No you can not prevent this. We men are
More physical than emotional. The only thing you can do is clear out the rubbish the best you can. Men usually love one girl forever even if it goes shit down the whole we usually think about the one. You’ll find the one but you’ll have a lot cleaning to do.
You should understand people’s perception is not something you can control. There’s no magical way for make other men change the way they see you, and even if they was a way you would want to keep been yourself.
Although what you can control is the perception of yourself, as you said it you are more confident now then prove it, be more direct for what you want and don’t settle for anything less.
unfortunately there is nothing you can do to prevent this. it’s disappointing to see how many people in the comments are directly asking “where are you meeting them” and slapping you across the face with a “this is what happens when you only swipe on attractive guys” or whatever when this is a common occurrence both on and offline. these people are everywhere: on OLD (obviously), at bars, coffeehouses, the gym, the mall, literally everywhere. these dudes are often manipulators who sweet talk and rush shit for the obvious goal, they bounce as soon as you assert yourself and they see that you’re not just another girl willing to go for “whatever” in the hopes that they’ll maybe be serious.
they’ll never be serious. i recently made the mistake of going to a guy’s house for a “second date”, i will take full responsibility for the fact that i was lonely and sad and went against my better judgement due to a slim inkling of a hope that he was serious and wasn’t playing games. he was playing games.
please hold on to your boundaries, remember that going to someone’s crib or them rolling up to yours isn’t a “date”, and that if they stop talking to you as soon as you implant some firm boundaries, then they’re basically showing you who they are and what you’d be getting with them. i wish you the best of luck.
I’m just going to put this out there:
Just because these guys are trying to sleep with you, that doesn’t mean that is *all* they’re interested in. That might *also* be interested in getting to know you and having a relationship.
Guys like this will always exist, sadly. Don’t invite them in. You’ll have to have your guard up when meeting new people. Trust me from experience, there a decent guys who don’t just wanna bone
Men like sex. Even if a man finds you intellectually interesting, emotionally deep, and fascinating to talk to… he wouldn’t mind shagging you. It’s been this way since we lived in caves.
Hmm well from your statement from what I can see already is they are quite attracted towards you. Maybe they don’t get a lot of attention from women in general or you might be looking into the wrong type of guy. This is going by only what you have said above.
Find someone who has a good description of what they want in a woman. Ask important question. If it was me.. I’d talk to them for at least a week or a month to fully get to know them better. You gotta try and keep things simple. I wouldn’t date at bars stick too coffee shops. I hope all goes well for you. As a man I know for a fact we all aren’t looking for just hookups or sex. Some men want a simple lifestyle and a family to grow old with. You just gotta find the right guy who fits your personality.
That’s all weman seem to want me for too
Don’t fall for the eye candy. Go off the beaten path and if it’s not just about sex give a nerdy guy a chance, they’ll probably treat you the best.
In all seriousness, it will be hard to meet someone that ticks all your boxes AND treats you how you want to be treated, that’s why OLD is hard. Lower your expectations and be willing to make compromises.
It’s a really fun game tbh. Do you like to paint things?
There is nothing in the whole universe you can do to get guys stop wanting & trying to have sex with you. All you can do is just reject, reject, reject the fuckboys until you meet someone who gives you the very distinct feeling of being real.
Think back to the real relationships you’ve had in the past & the vibe they gave off. Seek that, & reject the rest.
Where are you meeting them? I know that most guys on tinder are looking for more of a fling then a long term relationship. Try finding them at places where you have mutual hobbies.
You’re in control. Be clear about what you want and what your values are, and throughly vet potential suitors. Do the first few dates in public and be strict with the amount of physical affection you display. Most fuckboys will be weeded out after a couple dates.
I don’t think you can necessarily prevent someone from liking your looks or being sexually attracted to you. However, you could always try to establish boundaries and also see if there’s a connection with a guy. Text for awhile, do phone calls, maybe even try Skype or to video call. I don’t know a lot of guys who only want sex that would go through all of that, so that can help weed out the fuckboys. Plus if it does get to that point you’ll have the satisfaction of knowing you’re sleeping with someone who likes the real you, not just your looks.
Try to figure out what your mother did to keep your dad around (if you have parents who are married). Ask your dad what it is about your mum that makes him keep wanting to be with her. Ask your grandmothers if they are available or any other woman who is in a committed relationship with a man she loves, respects and admires. It might not be what you expect, keep an open mind.