Dating : Miscommunication Between Girl (22F) I (24F) Like..
I met such a great girl and have been getting to know her for two months or so (dates/hooking up). We get along great. I messed it up yesterday and it has me feeling sick. We had plans to meet up Saturday night after she went out with her friends and she bailed/didn’t text me back. She apologized in the morning and felt very bad – I should have let it go, but it made me upset.
She’s bailed/cancelled before so I expressed it seems she only wants to hangout when something benefits her (we go to an event she likes that I buy tickets for, I jump her car, she’s sick and needs to go to the hospital). Maybe I expressed it poorly because she said something along the lines of I never asked you to do any of that, and yes she didn’t I wanted to because I liked her and never expected anything in return, but at the same time I don’t want to continue going on dates if those are the only times she wants to see me.. balance between the two.
From there it spiraled to her saying she has been very open about not wanting to be very serious and take things slow. I knew this from the start, but being a decent person and hanging out when something isn’t benefiting you and just because you like spending time with someone isn’t about taking things slow or fast, but just about being a good person. I would have said the same thing to a regular friend.
My whole point of bringing this up wasn’t to push her to move faster than she was ready for, but to make sure she even actually enjoyed just hanging out. I don’t want her to feel like she’s forced to. We ended the conversation with me sending a text saying « I’m sorry I brought that up and made things weird. I just wanted to make sure I didn’t make you feel obligated to hangout with me, or tell me you like me, or tell me you aren’t seeing other people because I don’t want that to feel like an obligation to you. I like taking things slow and know that’s what you need right now and just wanted to make sure we’re on the same page. » She told me she needs time to think about what I said and she’ll get back to me.
I’m not even sure if any of this makes sense – I just needed to get it out there.
Sadly, it sounds as if you let your emotions get too attached in what she clearly stated wasn’t going to be a serious thing.
With that being said, from how you describe the situation, even taking the romantic/sexual side out of it, it doesn’t sound like there was much there from her end on a friendship level either.
Perhaps she didn’t ask for a jump or she didn’t ask to be taken to the hospital, but she told you her car wouldn’t start and she told you she felt sick, which promoted your friendly demeanor to kick in (her intentions all along I’m guessing), which seems was never reciprocated. Being friends means not having to ask for help, it’s just given once another friend knows about it. She understood what she was doing by telling you things, even if she « didn’t ask. »
Find someone worth your time who wants to include you in outings with friends, not leave you on the outside as a « maybe » booty call.