Dating : Misread singles and if not, how to sever before friendship broken?
I’ve become friends with a younger girl (beyond the 1/2 your age + 7 formula so commonly referenced) and lately i’ve wondered if she is looking for more of a relationship than I am. I’d hate to lose a good friend due to not reciprocating possible feelings and i’d also hate to end our friendship by attempting to start something that wasn’t there. To be fair, I haven’t seriously dated in a long time and wonder if i’m just misreading signals. We aren’t amazing/best friends by any means, we just hang out once or twice a week in our collectible social group.
We became friends through work and gradually began hanging out more and more. According to co-workers and friends, she talks about me quite a bit. She references the past few instances of us spending time together without any kind of prompt. She just leads with « Hey, how are you? Last night we were hanging out » and launches into what we did the previous night. Lately she has begun to ask deeply personal questions, including about my relationship status, future plans, past history, etc. She’s been talking more and more about her past relationships, relationship goals, future goals, etc, with no prompting from myself. Because I don’t want to give off the wrong signals, I try to keep conversation fairly casual and attempt to hang out in groups. I realize our age difference is a concern and I don’t want her to think i’m looking for more, or even worse, attempting to be some kind of grooming predator.
We recently spent some time together outside of our normal group of friends and she immediately asked about my dating status (with no previous interest) launched into all of her past relationships (entire history of past 5-6 years) and her desire to stay out of the dating scene for awhile, even just to hookup casually. Some of her relationships appear to have an age difference of a similar or larger gap than our own. I wonder if she tells me this to say « i’m not interested in a relationship with an age difference » or if she is saying « my relationships usually have an age difference ». She expresses some affection for those past relationships, which is why I wonder and not go with my gut feeling of her expressing these past relationships as a deterrent for me seeking more.
So, i’m thinking 1 of 2 things: either she thinks I am looking for a relationship and she wants to end any attempts by pointing out that she doesn’t want a relationship with anyone due to her history and future goals (professional and romantic), or, she is looking for a relationship by exposing her past history, what has negatively affected her and what she would look for in a relationship. Is she telling me about her history with older partners as a « go ahead » to pursue more or to « step off, these didn’t work ».
So, is she trying to tell me « let’s just be friends » or « I want to be more ». If she is looking for more, how do I curb things before I hurt her by not trying for more?
Maybe she just wants the dick
I [27F] have been on dates with men 10+ my age (along with men my age), and one of them I’ve been seeing for a couple of months now. We aren’t exclusive for other reasons, but we have a lot in common and don’t run out of things to talk about. He’s a great guy, just unavailable so we keep it casual, which works really well for where I am in my life.
I don’t date older men because I have daddy issues, in fact I have a wonderful dad. I just date them because I have things in common and I have fun with them. Usually they have more confidence to act on their feelings because they aren’t afraid of rejection due to the fact they are confident in themselves… usually.
In conclusion – go for it. I think just going on a few dates will tell you what you need to know if you ask the right questions. Don’t think too much into is and ask her out. Just do something casual – like an activity. Like I usually go to a bar down the street with bar games or a walk in the park. If she doesn’t want to pursue anything serious, just be respectful and comfortable with her wishes and boundaries… like any other dating prospect. Have fun while you are with each other and try not to shadow it with « what ifs ». Good luck!
Girls with big age gaps usually have daddy issues. When mentioning her past relationships were they all negative and put all the blame on the guys? If your already worried about looking like a predator then you already decided it’s weird but your peepee wants to give it a go. Maybe she just wants casual stuff but imo the age rule is pretty bs, I’m 28 so with that rule I should be able to date 21 and over but I feel weird if they are under 24. I mean it looks like she’s intereste but being a young coworker it could be a huge catastrophe if shit goes south.