Dating : My friend has liked a girl for three years but hasn’t spoken to her in all those years
My dear friend, Alex, has liked a girl named Laura for the past 3 years, yet he hasn’t made a move. Despite all his friends hyping him up and trying to set things up with her, he cant do it. I can tell he truly wants to attempt to speak to Laura and build a relationship but for some reason he can’t. Its become so awkward to the point where he can’t even glance at her or he becomes a completely quiet or a composed person when he’s near her. There have been times where he’s had a chance to strike, but his « adapted environment » to the strange situation has practically locked him in a still state and he can’t proceed forward. Unfortunately, instead of making progress with her, he’s made it worse. Its gotten to the point where its just not fixable. We tried convincing him to confess his feelings to her so he could just accept the rejection and move and not drag this on any longer, but obviously, Alex doesn’t want. Nothing I nor my friends say can help him so i decided to receive help from an outside source, Reddit, and my question is « what should Alex do? ».
1. He should ask himself what he will regret in 40 years. And, with that answer, he will know what to do now.
2. The absence of eye contact with the girl he likes means sub-zero confidence. He should work on that.
3. Approach her with a simple « Want to grab a coffee, GIRL NAME? I would really enjoy that. »
4. He shouldn’t try to explain why he was an idiot for 3 years who signaled complete lack of interest. He should avoid that topic altogether.
Have him watch this YouTube video: https://youtu.be/KvNXjr6cLag
I’ve had a crush on a guy for about 6 months and it really helped me work through some things. The video essentially talks about how crushes are so appealing because they’re so distant and essentially “perfect” in our heads because we haven’t gotten the chance to see their flaws and who they actually are. Chances are that your friend likes this perfect, distant idea of this girl and he’s afraid to pursue her because he doesn’t want that image of her to be tarnished. He’s comfortable with crushing from a safe but distant place. Since you’ve mentioned that he’s had this crush for 3 years, I’m sure he’s gotten quite comfortable there. It’s a lot easier to be distant and romantically hope for something without having to face anything. I believe this is what your friend is going through. I would maybe suggest having him watch this video! It’s very informative and could change his thought process, or at least make him aware of why he’s doing what he’s doing.
its as simple as two outcomes…..
1. he will do nothing and always wonder what if
2. he asks her out and either goes out with her or gets rejected.
hope he’s perfectly fine with wondering what if for the rest of his life
The negative comments…
Just assume you would switch man and women and ask for the same advice… The answers would be vastly different.
Maybe, just maybe, you friends could ask Laura how she thinks about Alex? With that, you would know whether she likes him or not, might have interest or not etc.
You then could tell Alex these pieces of information to motivate correctly. A single blunt « you can do this » was never helpful in the history of humanity. One has to provide details for that.
Or you could tell Laura to ask him out. You know… Equal right and equal responsibilities.
The pressure of failure etc for men can be devastating for some, considering that the chances of rejection ist quite high when a men asks out a women, whereas practically very low when other way around.
Oh god. I have flashbacks from high school. I was like your friend. Friends tried to help me out of it but in retrospect, they were really too patient with me… I cringe every time I think about it. I was obsessed with basically a stranger. I’ve now figured out that I was a love addict and it was like a drug. That’s one of the way I dealt with childhood trauma.
He’s gonna have to accept the rejection and self-reflect at some point. Don’t waste your energy and let him get there by himself.
It sounds like you guys have already done everything in your power to help Alex out. But he’s voluntarily choosing not to do anything about it, which is sad, and honestly, demoralising for himself. But I think what’s worse is this: there’s literally nothing else you can do about this for him.
You’ve already told him to confess.
Your friends and yourself have tried to create the perfect environment for him to approach her.
But it sounds like your friend’s stuck in a denial state. I hate to say this, but I think the only thing you can do at this point is just be there for him until he finally realises he’s been the one who dug himself into this situation.
You need to help your friend out and make sure he gets the girl, spread these rumours.
He may need some kind of epiphany to happen to help him make the choice to talk to her.
Maybe one day he will wake up and realize he has been 3 years interested in her without even talking to her, and that will spur him on.
honestly you guys should just drop it now, he will never declare himself to her
continuing to put pressure on him will only work to solidify his paralysis
if you keep it up, he will never be able to approach ANYONE
Let him suffer with his impotent lust.
Classic example of people having power in your fear of whatever they might do.
Maybe explain to him that with rejection is full circle. Guys have to deal with it on the front end, but women have to deal with it on the back-end. Guys are originally interested in looks, and since girls treat pussy like something that is earned, we have do a lot of work to get it, while they do nothing but decide whether we’ve earned it -that’s where we get rejected. However, we know it’s not special from the start. It’s like having a fork at a dinner table. We absolutely need it, but every place gives you one. So once we get it, after doing all this work, what’s her job? If she has no compensating factors, we she ends up getting rejected.
Basically explain it to him in a way that he understands after he gets her, then what? What’s her job?
thog dont caare
Lol, he should grow some balls and be a man. Lol…I would much rather get rejected.
You can only help a person so much, they have to do their part
Hes fucking hopeless, if it takes 3 years he needs to grow a pair.